Dooce, Behind the Music

[Today’s guest post is from Maggie Mason whose websites include Mighty Girl, Mighty Goods, and Mighty Junior. I should just note here before you read this that we have both seen each other naked. And that this post of hers is only to get back at me for the fact that my butt is so round and intimidating.]

While Heather’s away on vacation, I’d like to offer a small correction to something she posted recently.

She said she accidentally burped in front of me once, and I recoiled in horror. I believe her exact words were:

“One time I was in the car with Maggie when I accidentally let out a tiny, inaudible burp.”

Yes, of course. Tiny. Inaudible, were it not for my puritanical ears.

Also notable because it blew out the windows of my car.

As regular readers may already suspect, Heather has never done anything tiny and insignificant in her life. (Except maybe that one guy in Los Angeles. But I digress.)

Furthermore, it was Heather’s third self-satisfied belch in as many hours. The first two times, she pinned me to the floor and repeatedly demanded that I say uncle. When I refused, and told her she was hurting me, she belched directly in my face.

I was like, “Why, Heather? Why would you do this?” And she was all, “Because you remind me of the president.”

And that’s when she started talking smack about the Canadians. My hand to heaven.