the smell of my desperation has become a stench

Monogrammed Egyptian cotton sheets

I got a frantic email from Maggie last week advising me to go right that second and buy these 360-count combed Egyptian cotton sheets. On sale for 75% off. That’s practically stealing them off the Internet. They only have them in king sizes, and alas: Maggie and her husband sleep on a queen. As of this morning, Internet, I have more awesome sheets than Maggie. More accurately, a loud burper has better sheets than Maggie.

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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