An unfiltered fire hose of flaming condemnation

My heart’s beating like a rabbit

A little over a month ago some good people from Nintendo came to my house and threw a Wii Fit party. My job was to gather up ten of my friends and prepare them to be humiliated by their Wii Fit age, something determined by your BMI/weight, your age, and some balancing acts that would cause a veteran circus performer to fall over. I don’t think it helped that almost everyone had consumed at least two glasses of wine before attempting to balance themselves on one foot, or that some of them like myself would have a hard time balancing on one foot when completely sober. On average, everyone’s Wii Fit age was about 10 years older than their actual age. Except for a certain 24-year-old who has yet to be beaten down by life, so of course, she aced the balancing tests. This is one of the problems with the Wii Fit, that it doesn’t allow you to input all the years of therapy you’ve been through, the sleepless nights, the hours and weeks and months spent worrying about your kids, that one Thanksgiving dinner with your in-laws, how you almost filed for bankruptcy, or the countless times your boss belittled you in front of the entire company. Because if you take all that into account then MY GOD, IT’S A MIRACLE YOU’RE STILL STANDING. In those instances the Wii Fit should hand you a cigarette.

My Wii Fit age was 35 (I’ll be 33 next month), which isn’t too bad, but it’s something I’m definitely going to work on as part of the overall changes I’d like to see in my life. The reason I’m even writing about this is because Nintendo has agreed to give me five Wii and Wii Fit systems (as a set) to give away to five of my readers.

I get approached to do things like this all the time, but this is the first time I’ve done a give away because this is a product I use, something in my house, something I’d love to share with you. Nintendo is not paying me to do this, and just to clear up some confusion, I would never accept money to post about anything here. That’s not how this website works. Everything you see in my style section is something I have bought with my own money or is a gift sent to me from one of my readers, a gift I would have gone out and bought had I known about it beforehand, something that fits right in with my aesthetic. I work very hard to make sure that you can trust that what I say here is in no way influenced by advertisers or corporations who are trying to reach a bunch of eyeballs. Your eyeballs deserve as much.

The give away is going to work like this: I’m going to leave comments open on this post until Wednesday July 2nd at 5:00 PM Mountain Daylight Time. You are free to leave a comment as many times as you want, preferably a comment about the Wii Fit and what you think it might do for you or your family, and then on Wednesday night after I close comments I’m going to call The Avon World Sales Leader (my mother, for those who are just joining us), tell her how many comments there are, and then ask her to list off five random numbers between one and that number. She will not have read the comments, so the only thing she will be influenced by is The Spirit. And maybe the vodka she had in her orange juice that morning. HA HA! Just kidding. My mom doesn’t drink orange juice.

By commenting on this post you agree to the terms and rules of this give-away (read here) and, should you be selected as a winner, consent to letting me use your name when I announce the winners. Anonymous comments and comments without a valid email address will be disqualified.

Winners will be announced Thursday morning. Ready, set, go!

  • lizgwiz

    I’m not sure I really want to know my Wii age, but…what the heck. I’ve always been good at balancing on one foot.

  • I’d *love* a Wii Fit! My husband has been trying to get back in shape and anything that would help him work out at home would be amazing!

  • Julie

    Yay! We have been debating getting this for months!

  • Kara

    I have heard about said Wii Fit but I have never used one! I think they would be great…imagine a video game helping you to be in shape! What a weird world….

  • MamaCarter

    Totally delurking for a Wii!

    Oh god, no way is the Avon superstah going to pick a low number.

    Oh well, PICK ME! PICK ME!

  • Deena

    Ummm…the Wii Fit looks amazing and I love free things!!

    And I really dig this site.

  • Brooke

    I have been looking for a Wii Fit and haven’t found them anywhere! Thanks for your blog. Love reading it.

  • Rebecca


  • I love that you’re letting The Avon World Sales Leader pick the winners.

  • Amy

    Happy 40th to me? (Wii age: 140.)

  • Catherine

    My husband would then stop bothering me to buy one! Plus, I hear they’re awesome and it’s something we could do on days where’s it’s just too hot to get outside.

  • I received a Wii for Mother’s Day…yup, for Mother’s Day. I have an 8 yo and a 5 yo who love playing it as much as the adults. My 5yo can beat anyone at boxing (she’s a girl…she small for her age…and she can kick your virtual butt). I’ve been dying to get the Wii Fit b/c I’ve recently lost some weight, ran my first 5K and would love to work out when possible at home without driving 9 miles to the gym (w/ gass being over $4/gal). So, that’s my comment. I love your blog, Heather (like that’s original). Keep up the great work.

  • Dena

    My boyfriend and his roommate have a Wii Fit, and I use it when I’m over there and feel motivated to get off the couch. But I guess it’s been awhile. The last time he signed on, it told him that it had been awhile since I worked out, and asked him to check on me.

  • Stacie

    I would love a Wii Fit system. My son is a year old and I need all the help I can get to be healthy! Plus, we are buying a new house (STRESS) and my husband has claimed one room as the “manroom”. If I donate a Wii, I might get invited in! 🙂

  • JMC

    Pick me! (Please) I’d have to figure out how to install it, but damn I need this.


  • Johanna

    This is sad. I read your blog every day, but this is my first comment. I’m a sucker for raffles.

  • Fawn

    I hope your momma picks my number… thank you!

  • Dawn

    I would love a Wii Fit because I am really out of shape. It won’t solve my problem, but it will help.

  • Kara

    Omg, I was comment number 4, seriously?! I thought the comments were broken when they said zero! What a perfect time for me to have taken a break from studying. Now if I had only read faster, maybe I could have been number one. So close…

  • Rebecca

    Ooo, and I just noticed my comment number is my lucky number. I believe this is a good sign. Hurrah!

  • Lindsey

    I would just like to say that I was introduced to your site by my neighbor’s and I love it! I look forward to seeing everything in your style link! I would love a WII FIT… I think I could actually get my husband to do activity besides drinking beer… and I never was able to play the traditional video games because I got bored! PICK ME!

  • Mary Teresa

    Pick me!
    Wii would go wonderfully w/ my DDR that i’m convinced is going to take me one step closer to a life that is a lot more active than it is currently!

  • Jennifer

    I would love to win a Wii, I believe that it could really help me transform my life. I could get into better shape and have something that the whole family can enjoy together. That doesn’t happen much these days. 🙁

  • Do I win for being first? I have been dying to try Wii fit since I first heard about it. Lucky for you there is only a couple year deficit to make up. I bet mine is much more.

  • Janice

    Wahoo for a Wii! Thanks!

  • Megan

    Ooh! Me me! I’m such a sucker for free shit. And this is GOOD free shit. 🙂

  • Megan Thomas

    I think that the Wii Fit might help me get my self confidence back after the recent affair my partner had. I’m hoping with my new outlook on myself as well as the fun we can have together with the board that maybe this can be a starting block to rebuilding our love again

  • I think the Wii Fit will help me achieve my fitness goals and would be an excellent addition to my current fitness routine and attempts at a healthy eating lifestyle.

  • Mad Prof

    I want to confirm that my Wii age is 108.

  • Lisa

    MEMEMEMEME. I am going to ask God to will it…

  • Tom B

    I have secretly craved a Wii, even though I’m not the kind of person who would normally own a video game platform.

  • I’m 42 and I have an 8 year old and a 6 year old. We are all working this summer to lose some pudge and that includes cutting out the junk food and finding ways to exercise. I’m unemployed and can’t afford for the girls to join clubs or sports outlets but we do have a fee waiver to the local pool and go there and get outdoor exercise almost daily. A Wii Fit would be a fun way to get me and my girls working out, not even having to leave the house to do it – a plus for girls who have spent too much time watching TV in their years – this one would at least be positive. We would really love to have this opportunity. Fingers crossed to The Spirit of the Avon World Sales Leader.


  • I would LOVE a Wii fit. It seems like it would just be so much fun.

  • Schweeney

    I attempted to break the “standing on one foot” Guinness Record when I was 13. I failed. I’m older now and would still fail. I would like to be a Wii more fit.

  • Claire Smith

    This is the best contest ever.

    I would absolutely love to have a Wii, but alas, I don’t have the extra cash. I have played the system twice and I am a total fan. I am always game to try a different route to exercise and this is something that I have wanted to try.

    Plus, this would be a way to quell the X-Box 360 vs. Wii debate that my boyfriend and I have about every two days.

    I am sending good vibes to the Avon World Sales Leader.

  • Stacie

    Hi, Heather’s mom! *waves*

  • As a relatively new Wii owner (we have three games, all of which I completely suck at) I am hopeful that a Wii fit will greatly reduce the bonus chub on my body and restore hope and unity to my family unit EVERY SINGLE DAY!

  • Allison

    Oh man, go wii! And: you totally look like a model in that last pic.

  • Stacey

    Oh I would LOVE a Wii! I’ve been begging my husband for the Wii Fit. 🙂

  • Alright, I will totally sign up. But you get like a thousand comments on REGULAR entries, so I’m thinking my chances aren’t so great…

  • Sarah

    Nothing like a free Wii fit to end the lurking 🙂 Love your site dooce, it makes me smile every day. What would a wii do for my family? Not much but it will do a lot when we are all totally addicted to it and decide we must stand united and end our addiction.

  • Beth

    I am getting fat. Need wii to not get really fat. Thank you.

  • Michelle Le

    that looks like so much fun!

  • Liz

    Me! Me! Pick me!

  • I have Wii Fit, and would LOVE to be able to give my mom one. You know, so she’ll stop “borrowing” mine…

  • Jennifer

    I wish I was cool enough that people would let me give away stuff.

  • sarah hawk

    fit me up!

  • This is awesome because: a) free stuff, b) free stuff, and c) it is the only way I will ever get any exercise because I am extremely lazy and enjoy lots of fattening foods all the time.

  • Heather, you and your Wii fits, are amazing. I would like one so I can stop paying for studio yoga.

  • Stephanie Adkins

    I would love to win this! It would be great to be able to get some exercise without the time and money involved with the gym. Go Wii!

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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