Playful, elegant, and not above the judicious use of the word “shit."

“They drew first blood, not me.”

Me: “You know what movie we should watch together?”

Jon: “Oh God. What?”

Me: “Don’t OH GOD me.”

Jon: “I just have a feeling that whatever you suggest is going to deserve an OH GOD.”

Me: “First Blood.”

Jon: “OH MY GOD. RAMBO? FUCKING RAMBO?”

Me: “It’s not Rambo. It’s First Blood. DIFFERENT.”

Jon: “First Blood is ABOUT RAMBO.”

Me: “But it’s SO GOOD. He has like three lines of dialogue in the whole movie.”

Jon: “I bet if you watched that movie again you would realize just how bad it is.”

Me: “I have watched it recently.”

Jon: “How recently is recently?”

Me: “Like, within the last ten years.”

Jon: “Heather, if you took this to the Internet the Internet would side with me.”

Me: “Not the portion of the Internet who had a crush on Sylvester Stallone when they were eight years old.”

Jon: “Meaning NO ONE.”

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