An unfiltered fire hose of flaming condemnation

Her porn star name would be Dirt Digger

I just this second caught Coco on video both crying and digging at the floor because Chuck won’t give up his bone (something I got a still photograph of yesterday), although the digging in the footage I caught is tiny in comparison to what she normally does. Like that one time we let her out to do her business and when we opened the door to let her back in found this:

coco likes to dig, part 1

And this (Note the discarded, dirty paper towel she stole out of the garbage can and took outside with her. It was a treasure!):

coco likes to dig part 2

And this is how far back she threw the soil:

coco likes to dig part 3

It’s like “go use the bathroom” translates from English into CRAZY as “we’ve buried two trunks of bacon next to the tree outside, why don’t you see if you can find them.”

So when Chuck isn’t feeling generous, this is what happens:

And then when he’s feeling sorry for her but not enough that it wouldn’t please him to screw with her, this happens:

We could put a stop to this at any second, but why? It’s like we’re living in the wild African Savannah but without the risk of death by stampede.

  • Anonymous

    brilliant!

  • There’s a whole lot of puppy love going on in the Armstrong house. I think there are really people living inside your dogs. Sometimes Chuck looks human, kind of like Robert Redford. Coco, however, is totally a Brittany Spears, hungry for attention, a bit self destructive.

  • Amy

    I kept expecting Chuck to lick the wound.

  • Man the part in the second video where chuck attempts to take the bone out of her mouth makes me laugh so much.

    My dog Millie is like that, she lords over our other dog Chloe… One time she went so far as to jump up on the lounge where Chloe was lying and stomp on her until she moved, then lie down in the same position that Chloe was in

    =o) Hope everyone has a good day!

  • I used to love to watch our Golden and our Brittany do the same thing for hours in the backyard. Animal talk is hilarious.

    And how do you keep your rugs so CLEAN with two dogs? I’m quite impressed.

  • Our dogs will chase and corner non-existent mice in our house and invisible rabbits outside. One of ours is also a digger and I have no idea what the hell she is digging for…maybe there is bacon buried outside.

  • Oh gosh that looks and sounds all too familiar! But, I do think you’ve helped me discover what my chocolate lab is mixed with! haha

  • babette

    Wow..the noises alone got me laughing…and there I was thinking: Coco is SOOO lucky Chuck is so gentle…and then you started cracking up. Which made me laugh harder..

    Dogs are so funny…

  • When Chuck picked up both the bone AND COCO’S HEAD, I fucking lost it. I still cannot stop giggling.

  • Christina Lee

    I lived with my brother who had two miniature dachshunds and those bastards fought like that for hours at a time. And the littlest one could climb a 3 foot tall toddler gate and shit on the couch while you had your back turned.

    But at least they didn’t eat their own poop.

  • Katie

    That is so cute. I love how Chuck doesn’t want her to screw with his treat, but even after she takes it, he is all “Oh no you di’nt!” and just sort of stares at her. Then he like lays the bitch down and ever so gently pries it from her mouth. haha.

    Who was it that was making that god-awful noise while they were fighting in the second video? Was that Chuck?

  • Anonymous

    Are those FLOR tiles and do you buy them so that you can just throw one out if the dog pukes on it?…or do they clean off? As soon as I clean anything my dog immediately pukes, rubs or bleeds on it until it is ruined!!! ARGGGG!

  • I have that same exact soundtrack, with a parrot and cats added in.

    Coco is a lovely doofus. Love the way she throws her head back with the bone in her mouth. Lush.

  • With a little training, I bet she could speak human.

  • I LOVE how Chuck looked up at the camera in the first video as if he’s saying, “Watch what I’ll do to her now. Heh Heh.”

  • sandra

    I love Chuck. He deserves so much better than that shit eating, shit disturbing little shit Coco.

  • Love the videos. I am finally giving into getting my boy a dog (see my new site). Also need to go to the archives to see where you got your carpet again. So cool…and pet and kid friendly?

  • That is just absolutely adorable.

  • Anonymust

    Hallaluja!! I have found it, the site for people with absolutely no life!!

    So glad to be here with you.

  • but then you have to look at coco– how can you not help but love her face?

  • Love the doggy weight-lifting that Chuck is doing with Coco’s head. Poor Coco, though… how come she doesn’t have her own bone?

    Or, maybe she did have one, buried it under a tree and forgot which one… so she has to dig up every tree in the backyard, every plant pot, and attempt to steal Chuck’s bone every chance she gets.

  • Jade

    I love the look Chuck gives you in both vids. It’s like he’s saying, “Dude, did you SEE what she just did? Aren’t you going to do something about this? No? Fine. I’ll deal with it myself.”

  • My dog, like someone else posted, hunts down the dirty diapers for a tasty snack. Dogs are gross, and annoying. But they find a way into our hearts and we let them stay.

  • Fancy Ham

    I sort of stopped reading your blog because you never wrote about anything of importance going on in the real world, so I’d like to thank you for writing about the recent cluster fuck aka buxom VP nominee. Also, thanks for the video of Santogold. Maybe I will tune in again. Man those chicks can rock it!

  • R

    Dogs are such a pain, who in their right mind would voluntarily bring such disgusting creatures into their homes?

  • Leann

    You can definetely tell who the Alpha dog is in the house.

    I had forgotten just how funny dogs could be with their moaning and whining. I have a cat. I’ll get my dog fix by watching videos of yours. They are way too much trouble for me to have one of my own. But I love dogs…..especially when they belong to other people 🙂

    Loved the videos Heather and I concur on your post regrding Palin

  • TG

    #124 needs to go away and limit his comments to blogs that have something to do with the “real world.”

    Thanks, Heather, for reminding me of the surreal noises my dogs used to make when they play-fought with each other. And also the things they considered “treasures.”

  • Lisa

    As particular as you are with your beautiful home, and yes, if I’m honest I’ll admit the pleasure it gives me to gaze upon it from time to time and think “yes, someone finally got it right!” *sigh*… the pictures of the damage she did to the planter and yard made me want to cry. That, and the fact she eats poop.

    I think you should be sainted.

  • Joanna

    Can’t believe Chuck likes doing dog things like chewing on bones. I always imagined he would be too highbrow for something like that.

  • lizandboys

    My (almost) 5 year old wanted to know what that sound (on the 2nd video) was and insisted that real dogs don’t make that sound (I’m sure Chuck would agree).
    We have an 18 month old mix and she is crate trained…at night free to roam…she doesn’t chew stuff anymore so my husband thought it was time to let her be free when I leave the house. I was worried about the good furniture (she’s allowed on the family room furniture but NOT the living room…she knows this when we’re here, but wasn’t sure she’d remember this rule when left to her own devices)…so we locked her in our bedroom.
    She tried to DIG HER WAY OUT OF OUR ROOM! Can you say RUINED carpet??? I want to replace the carpet with hardwood but I’d like it to be on our schedule, not the dog’s. Needless to say she is back in the crate when we leave the house.
    PS she used to dig in the yard and has outgrown trench digging….good luck

  • The EXACT same stuff goes on in my house with my labs – an almost eight year old and a six month old. Don’t you wonder what all those noises mean? What the heck are they saying to each other?

  • AnnieR

    Your Coco looks almost exactly like my aussie, Pixel. So much so it always freaks me out whenever you post any pics or videos. I feel like I have to run home and make sure he hasn’t teleported to Utah… Mine likes to dig in the garden and eat all my strawberries. I thought it was squirrels until I caught him in the act. He makes some of the same noises as Coco. I can’t wait to play these new videos for him as he’s loved the previous ones.

    To those who are suggesting another bone-it doesn’t matter, one of the dogs will end up with both of them as it’s more fun to fight over them than it is to have your own.

  • The videos are SO funny – Coco is quite the talker!! I love how in the first one Chuck looks at you – seems like he’s asking if it’s okay for him to ignore her!!

  • Kay

    What the F*** is that noise that sounds like a dirtbike trying to get out of the mud? Which dog makes that noise? Wow who needs TV when you’ve got that kind of live entertainment! Thanks for sharing!

  • Pepper

    Coco reminds me so much of my youngest, Savannah. She totally terrorizes our other dogs, and they usually let her get away with it. Usually…lol

  • Lori

    The other day Kasey pooped out some terracotta. He won’t eat his kibble, but he’ll eat heat-fired, sharp clay shards. Makes perfect sense.

  • This is totally unrelated, but I just wanted to tell you something. It use to bug me when you would keep your comments closed. And then came the post about politics and I got to read first hand what pure and complete idiots some people can be, and it started to make sense. One of the things I love about your site is the monthly letters to Leta, and the fact that you keep them so real and don’t fill them with fluff and butterflies, because in actuality, kids can be a real pain in the ass sometimes. I think it is really wonderful that you keep comments closed on those letters. Inevitably, if you didn’t, some idiot would comment on something they have no right to – the way you are raising your daughter. But then, you already knew that. I think you are doing a fine job. That’s my two cents.

  • CC

    I know ALL ABOUT this type of behaviour. My dog Max is the dominant one, so when my other dog Morris is chewing a bone, he just walks over and steals it. He goes off to chew with Morris looking on sorrowly, with big eyes, crying, etc whilst Max chews away. Then, when Max is tired and decides to go to sleep, he sleeps ON TOP OF THE BONE so still, Morris gets no chance. Poor poor baby.

  • What… what is that noise in the last video and who is making it? Sounds more like a pterodactyl than a dog…

  • LS

    I used to think people that had two dogs were insane. Then I added one to ours…and it is a love/hate relationship like no other. Endless endless endless amusement. On our parts, that is.

  • I am in love with your dogs. I agree with everyone else about more videos please. 🙂

    Did we hear a game of Go Fish in the first video? That game is all the rage at our house right now.

    On the second one, I thought you’d dubbed in the part from E.T. when he freaks out and runs away from Drew Barrymore. Until I heard the giggling. Of course you wouldn’t be giggling at a poor, scared extraterrestrial.

    (And off-topic for this post…THANK YOU for writing about your recent dentist trip with Leta. You gave me the courage to finally take my girl in. And it wasn’t nearly as awful as I thought it would be.)

  • Oh my god. Dogs are WAY too entertaining.

    Our dogs do that too – but picture it between a lab/husky mix and a puppy chihuahua. It is hopelessly adorable. Daisy (the chihuahua) clings to Diesel’s (the mix) upper lip with her teeth and holds on for dear life, and Diesel gets back at her by dragging her around the house by her harness.

  • Terra

    We have a neurotic obsessive golden retriever who used to dig like Coco. Yes and we did the long walks, training etc etc. She eventually just grew out of it (at around 2.5 to 3 yrs).

    Thank god she never ate shit. All sorts of other ephemera, sure.

    To the peeps wondering about the 1 bone per 2 dog ratio – when my sister’s dog and our dog hang out there are roughly a bazillion bones and toys available to play with. What do they do instead? Stage a doggie UFC over ONE toy/bone that they both want.

    More videos!

  • That is so great!!!
    and a great catharsis from the Evil Palin and her self proclaimed “Maverick Man”.

    Sorry to bring it up again. It’s just there. On my mind.

    Ok think Coco. Think Chuck.

    Ooh it’s working.

    thanks Heather!

  • It’s amazing how different they are. 🙂 I think he needs some thought bubbles, because he’s obviously thinking, “man, coco, you are lucky I barely tolerate you.”
    🙂 Becky

    p.s. hahahaha my Captcha words were “groping welcome”

  • We had two dogs in the house last week, as we were dogsitting for a friend. Our dog looks a lot like Chuck in the face, but with a short, stocky, super-muscular pit bull body. Our friend’s dog is a fluffy white terrier named Haggis who utters nonstop profanities and sexual innuendo in a Scottish accent remarkably like Sean Connery’s. I wish I had gotten that on video.

  • Oh my god! So funny!!!

  • Amy

    I love how in each scene, Chuck’s facial expressions is always “BIOTCH!”

  • Mary

    Your dogs are soooo cute. I have 2 dogs that give me endless hours of amusement watching their antics.

    As far as training, I don’t think mine understand English.

  • Dude, you’re magical. You’ve somehow managed to capture the behavior of my dogs, using you’re own dogs as stunt doubles. How do you do it?! 😉 Usually our dogs (a black lab and a half brittany spanial/half blue heeler) throw each other around on the back deck, so if you happen to be anywhere outside in our neighborhood, it sounds like something is dying back there. It’s a treat.

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

read more

SaveSave