the smell of my desperation has become a stench

Conversation over a bowl of Cocoa Pebbles

Leta: “Do you know what my middle name is?”

Me: “I do.”

Leta: “It’s Elise. Leta Elise.”

Me: “I think I remember giving you that name.”

Leta: “What’s your middle name?”

Me: “Brooke.”

Leta: “No it’s not.”

Me: “It’s not?”

Leta: “No. It’s Heather.”

Me: “I thought that was my first name.”

Leta: “That’s not your first name! Your first name is Mom.”

Me: “Mom Heather?”

Leta: “Yes! What’s your last name?”

Me: “Same as yours. Armstrong.”

Leta: “Nope! It’s Daddy’s Wife.”

Me: “Daddy’s Wife? So my full name is Mom Heather Daddy’s Wife?”

Leta: “That’s what I said.”

Me: “This could make filling out applications rather awkward.”

Leta: “I’ll just call you Mrs. Daddy’s Wife.”

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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