An unfiltered fire hose of flaming condemnation

Adding up the frequent flyer miles

Starting this Sunday my life is being swallowed whole by a month-long travel blitz that will take me from New York to Seattle and back, a reality I am trying to come to terms with considering that the eighty-minute flight we recently took from Salt Lake City to Orange County just about killed me. They certainly do not design seats on planes for women who frequently need to shift positions in order to dislodge someone else’s feet from their ribcages.

Sunday night we’re flying to New York, and I’m going to be on the TODAY show Monday morning, March 9. They tell me this segment will not be with Kathie Lee Gifford which is too bad because I was hoping we could mud wrestle.

The following Saturday we fly to Austin for SxSW, and I’m speaking on a panel called “UR Blog Sux and Print is Dead” at 11:30 AM, Tuesday, March 17. Considering that I will be over six months pregnant I imagine that this conference will be different than in years past as I will be the only sober person in Texas. Sadly, this means no pictures of me dancing wildly to WHAM!. However, I have been known to cut loose while on a sugar high, so I’ll be the one ordering shots of chocolate cupcakes.

The following week I begin my book tour for It Sucked and then I Cried, and I’m posting the dates here for those who wanted the reminder:

NEW YORK, NY
Tuesday, March 24
7:00 PM EST
BARNES & NOBLE
97 Warren Street (at Greenwich)
New York, NY 10007

CHICAGO, IL
Thursday, March 26
7:30 PM CST
BORDERS
1500 16th Street, Suite D
Oak Brook, IL 60523

PORTLAND, OR
Monday, March 30
7:30 PM PST
POWELL’S
1005 W. Burnside Avenue
Portland, OR

SEATTLE, WA
Tuesday, March 31
7:00 PM PST
THIRD PLACE BOOKS
17171 Bothell Way NE
Lake Forest Park, WA 98155

SAN FRANCISCO, CA
Wednesday, April 1
7:30 PM PST
BOOKS INC.
301 Castro Street
Mountain View, CA 94041

LOS ANGELES, CA
Thursday, April 2
7:00 PM PST
BOOK SOUP
8818 Sunset Blvd
West Hollywood, CA 90069

DENVER, CO
Monday, April 6
7:30 PM MST
TATTERED COVER
9315 Dorchester Street
Highlands Ranch, CO 80129

AUSTIN, TX
Wednesday, April 8
7:00 PM CST
BOOKPEOPLE
603 North Lamar
Austin, TX 78703

SALT LAKE CITY, UT
Wednesday, April 15
7:00 PM
KING’S ENGLISH BOOKSTORE
1511 South 1500 East
Salt Lake City, UT 84105

If I think about how many flights there are on this list I’ll start crying, so instead I’m going to focus on the excitement of what it all means and the possibility of meeting all sorts of new people. Just let me give you ample warning: I do not take too kindly to people reaching out and touching my belly. It will be tempting because it enters the room approximately five minutes before I do, but seriously, I’d rather you just point and laugh and take pictures that you’ll later tag with OMG!

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Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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