An unfiltered fire hose of flaming condemnation

Holiday for Him

I’m going to begin my series of gift guides with suggestions for women (or men) who live with/are married to/would like the right to be able to marry a very geeky gadget addict who leaves a trail of cables wherever he goes. Kind of like Hansel and Gretel in the sense that he’s so absentminded he can’t remember how to get back to the room he just came from.

One morning last week I was fidgeting with a photo application on my iPhone when Jon said something in a language I didn’t understand, and I was all whaaa? And he goes, don’t you always use that part of the application? And I was all, dude, I don’t use half of the features of almost everything I own. I can open it, close it, and sometimes in between I manage not to break it. The end.

He goes, Heather, imagine that I am an award-winning French chef. And you have just told me that all you like to eat is Cheetos.

What do you give to someone who spends his day backing up database servers? Is that even what you do to a database server? I mean, for all I know you preheat the oven to 400 degrees, throw in a database server, and it’s done when it’s crispy around the edges.

So Jon gave me a few suggestions, and then I combined those with a few ideas of my own. This is me trying to be more thoughtful than going, hey, just go to the Apple store and roll around in it.

1. Brooklyn Blue by Brian Ferry $30

2. Pia Wallen Felt Slippers $59

3. The Wire: The Complete Series $122.99

4. Canon Speedlite 580EX II Flash for Canon EOS Digital SLR Cameras $394.90

5. Space Invaders Keychain $15

6. Roku HD Player $99

7. Lou Reed $150

8. Zak Designs E-Z-Rol Garlic Peeler $7.99

9. Best Camera for the iPhone $2.99

10. TiltShift Generator for the iPhone $.99

11. Mill Colour for the iPhone FREE

12. Toy Camera for the iPhone $1.99

13. CameraBag for the iPhone $1.99


1. John Adams [Blu-ray] $22.99

2. Battlestar Galactica: Cylon Centurion Action Figure $15.99

3. Keep Calm and Carry On parody Farty Lites $4.75

4. Baby I love you and I’m sorry I’m keeping you awake $35

5. Plane Silhouette – Vinyl Wall Art $22

6. Palace Navy Long Sleeve Shirt $31.99

7. J.K. Adams 16-Inch by 12-Inch Slate Cheese Tray $35.73

8. Pixelmator (for Mac OS X) $39.99

9. Voltaic Messenger $199

10. El Vética T-shirt $20

11. Do-Goodie Brownies 12 Piece Keepsake Collection $46.99

12. Zenblocks $25.50

13. The Messenger in gunmetal $131

14. P-51 Mustang, A-10, F-15, F-22 8×12: $100

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Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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