An unfiltered fire hose of flaming condemnation

Oddly, an Oompa Loompa didn’t make the list

Leta only wants four things for Christmas, and we sat down with her recently to write out a list that we could send to Santa. Here we are going over that list and then the discussion turns to heavier things. Let’s just put it this way: I think we handled it well given that we had to come up with something on the spot, and there was a part of me that was all, let’s hope Santa doesn’t go apostate because I hear Outer Darkness is rather unpleasant:

  • Starr

    Mad lulz, Heather. Thanks for sharing!

  • gcjen

    Wow. That just made me laugh for about 5 minutes. Thanks for sharing.

  • TexasKatie

    That was awesome. She so reminds me of myself as a kid. I was always afraid of things like my house burning down, or my dog dying, or other such things that little kids shouldn’t worry about.

    Leta is so cute and smart. More videos of Leta!

  • TexasKatie

    One question… is she asking for a “pink amoeba”? Is that on the Top 10 List of Toys for 5 Year Olds?

  • Angie_from_Oz

    I love this video of Leta. Really loved it.

  • amyjay

    Oh. My. Holy. God. She’s the tops. You’re so lucky. And thanks for sharing her with the rest of us.

  • Annie

    OMG Leta is such a cool kid. I like how her logic goes to an infinite loop of dying sons of Santa hehe. she’s a brainy one!


    Out of the mouths of babes. I love her facial expressions!

  • tokenblogger

    Just so you know — I am an excellent nanny!

  • RachGirl

    I think Leta needs this book — Santa’s daughter DOES take over for him 🙂

    Very cute video, Leta is adorable.

  • RachGirl

    Oh…and a PS…when I took my son to see Santa, there was a little girl probably about Leta’s age with her mom walking past the line. The mom asked her if she wanted to sit on Santa’s lap, to which the girl replied “No! That’s for babies that believe in that crap!”

    I like Leta much more than that little girl.

  • lafriddle

    Leta is so cute. Wish mine were that small again especially at Christmas, although even at 16 and 18 they still write letters to Santa.

    By the way, thanks for your kudzu mention the other day–reminds me of home.


  • mariebeth

    I was waiting for her to roll her eyes and say only little kids go to see Santa – Leta is so grown up, she makes me seem childish!!! Loved the video, and the picture of Marlo as well, have to say you’re two girls are beautiful!

  • okierach

    How adorable is she?! And SMART. Good job raising a kid who asks questions. As someone who has worked with kids for several years, it warms my heart to see parents talk to their kids and listen to what they have to say. Bravo.

  • geelizzie

    First off, I’m really impressed that she only has 4 items on her list, very refreshing to see a child who doesn’t have a list a mile long. Second, the conversation about Santa dying was kind of throwing me for a loop at first, most 5 year olds don’t think about that kind of thing, but then I remembered about the recent passing of your grandmother so that’s probably why she is a little worried that Santa might die.

  • mjbcoug

    I lost my mother this year, and my wife lost her grandmother…so death has been a theme this year in our house. So the very same question came up from my boys (7, 4.5 and 3) regarding Santa and death. We told them Santa was magic and he doesn’t die…just stays the same perfect Santa age all the time. And that fits nicely with how does he get to every house in one night, etc. Magic. We figure since Santa isn’t real then we can use “magic” as an excuse. We weren’t as quick with the Santa Reproduction idea. And the problem of seeing Santas everywhere you look during the holidays? Those are “helper Santas”. Works for our boys.

  • kristanhoffman

    Not gonna lie, I was SO going to call you on the son vs. daughter thing. So, good job reading my mind! 😛

    Is it just me, or is there a slight bit of your accent in her speech?

  • Laura B

    Wow. That is fabulous! I love her reasoning. Er, maybe she’s heard of the interperetation of Santa in Iceland?
    Check this out:
    I sure hope they never do to Santa what they did to the Cookie Monster because it wasn’t setting a good example to kids!

  • MeMyselfandMommy

    “Does Santa die?” is right up there in the list of questions that include “Where do babies come from?”

  • miss_liz

    There was a moment there when she grabbed her face with both hands and made the Munch “Scream” expression like she was trying to tear her face right off and I thought wow, that’s exactly what Dooce has been talking about. That is a hilarious face that is just made for tantrums. Though I can totally imagine how someone might possibly get a tad bit tired of it.

  • alib1973

    hilarious… great expressions.

  • doobrah

    Thanks for the postscript — I was afraid you were turning Leta into a chauvinist pig! 😉

  • inkymarley

    I believe in Santa once again!

  • paigesmom

    My 4 year old has a thing about people dying too. Don’t quite understand it. I am surprised she hasn’t asked about Santa dying too!

  • Jess F

    She wants you to know that Santa is a good guy, the nicest guy, but she wants to keep it casual 🙂

  • acm

    I second the request for clarification of what Leta wanted. I think “Barbie truck” was the only one I believed I understood, and the final one was something pink, but I couldn’t make out the rest to save my life. which seemed odd, because the rest of the conversation was as clear as day!!

  • 3kidsandabreakdown

    We told our daughter that Santa is magic, so he never dies 🙂

  • NinaBee

    I overheard a similar conversation recently between my two sons. This was the gist of it.

    Gage (age 5): How old is Santa?
    Vince (age 9): He’s been around forever. He doesn’t die.
    Gage: REALLY?!?!
    Vince: You know who else doesn’t die. Wolverine. Him and Santa.

    This lead to the discussion if Santa and Wolverine were friends because they both don’t die. I’m really glad they settled it on their own. 🙂

  • towel

    Just don’t let her see

    You think she’s reluctant to visit Santa now? After a gander at that, she’ll be scarred for life! I know I am!

  • erinbeachgirl

    I love the post script and how Leta just doesn’t feel like visiting Santa – no biggie 🙂

  • tksinclair

    Marlo below looks like “Gilly” from SNL….

    I can’t get it out of my mind…if you put a curly “Annie” wig on her (you must have one of those around, right?) she could be Gilly’s twin sister!

  • knerd

    My 8-year-old loves Santa! We e-mailed him and visited him this year. I’m so glad he still believes, I think this might be the last year I get to do it.

  • Jayceekay

    I adore Leta. She really is an extraordinary little lady isn’t she? Honestly, what I’d love from Santa is a chance to sit down and talk to her for an hour!
    (Love YOUR accent on her!)

    And that picture of Marlo?! Oh my goodness, how do you keep from just kissing her all over and making her giggle 24/7? I cannot look at a picture of her and those eyes and not be happy all day!

  • Kimbers

    Oh my word, she’s so precious!

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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