the smell of my desperation has become a stench

Yesterday, while getting a second set of x-rays on my tailbone

Me: Sorry about my butt peeking through the gown.

Technician: Oh, I… I didn’t even notice. I was busy setting up the film.

Me: Oh God, sorry for even bringing it up! Here I am apologizing for my butt. Just ignore me.

Technician: I’ve seen a lot of butts, believe me. No big deal.

Me: I bet you have! You could probably write a book about butts!

Technician: I could, and I have to say, yours is totally fine. Not nearly as scary as some of the butts I’ve seen.

Me: That is probably one of the best compliments I’ve ever received in my life. You have no idea.

Technician: Was that too much information? I’m sorry—

Me: HAHA! Too much information! I should introduce you to a certain website.

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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