the smell of my desperation has become a stench

So much better than a festive pig

I want to show this to my mom and go, this? This is animal decor. And then I’ll wave my middle finger at the giant ceramic rooster sitting next to her refrigerator.

Tortoises. For real.

Courtesy of Jason Sweeney. See all his illustrations here. Pro tip: you should be following this man on Twitter (@sween). Go there now. See? I told you.

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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