An unfiltered fire hose of flaming condemnation

Because I care

Yesterday as I was cleaning the kitchen I realized that in the process of raising two kids I’ve learned some really valuable shortcuts when it comes to getting through the day. And that I’ve been keeping these delicious little nougats of wisdom from you. On purpose. To make you suffer.

That’s why you come here, right? To hurt? I think they make an ointment for this, and if not you’re probably going to be contagious for at least a week. You’ll know things are getting better when it stops oozing.

So today I’m giving in and sharing my first tip with you: how to save on surface cleaner. I know. The suspense is not unlike the last five minutes of a “Law and Order” you’ve already seen.

If you don’t have dogs (or cats or pigs who live indoors), just stick the baby up underneath there and let her lick the seat herself. Put that kid to work early! When I was her age, my mama had me scrubbing toilets. Because we didn’t have a dog to lick it clean.

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Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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