the smell of my desperation has become a stench

“Window treatments”

Would it be a proper Armstrong house if at one point or another I didn’t put tin foil in the windows? This is Marlo’s room, and we’ve got black-out shades coming, but they won’t be here for another week. This is called ingenuity, y’all. Keeps her asleep until at least 5:30 AM. It also prevents the aliens from stealing her brain.

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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