An unfiltered fire hose of flaming condemnation

Office remodel, episode one

Welcome to the first installment of Jon Got A Whole Bunch of New Toys. We’re filming the office remodel in addition to what I’m writing about it, and you have to keep in mind that all the madness that we thought would end by buying this new house has sort of tripled. While filming this one of the dogs went missing. That’s another post entirely because later that day the other dog went missing as well. Let’s just say that soon after, I cheated and ignored the prescribed dosage on my Valium.

Also, Jon refused to add this to the video, but at the end I was trying to avoid having my shirt rub up against the microphone taped to my chest, and as a result I have a really bad case of Crooked Bosom.


He stayed up into the wee wee hours of the night putting this together, and I’m again reminded of how lucky I am to have married a man with so much skill and talent and an endless repository of knowledge, some very useful, some I pretend to be interested in because it’s cute when he talks so much.

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  • geekjive

    i love you. you crack me up.

  • Laurie

    Can’t wait to see the next video. And the networking video too! RAWR

  • Tanzie F. Nielsen

    In that final shot, with you in the mustard shirt, it looks like you’re wearing a yarmulke because of the well positioned circle on the painting behind you!! Jewish Mormons!!

  • hmae25

    Loved this video! Can’t wait for episode 2!

  • theotherlion

    Love the dollar signs. And is that Jon’s sexy voice-over voice?

  • sayra72

    i have the rug that’s in tyrant’s office too and my dog looooooooooves it. i had to take a table out of the living room because she kept pushing it over to get to the rug.

  • simpliSAHM

    Hard to pick a favorite scene in that one, but I think I have to go with the Marlo-leg-swirl/Vanna White display thing.

  • ORKMommy

    Love the video but I’m not sure if you realize that your finger ‘d’ for ‘dooce’ at the beginning was actually a ‘b’ from our viewpoint because you did it with your right hand. Was that intentional?

  • Shrew

    My God…your office is bigger than my apartment! I wish I was exaggerating. 🙁

  • Wyattsmom

    Excellent. The appearance by your butt was pivotal to the video. Very nice touch, Heather.

  • iKristen

    That office space, is bigger then my house! Congrats on the house, looks great from the pictures

  • mrswilson

    It looks AMAZING so far! So much potential! Looking forward to seeing the finished product (as I’m assuming you are too).

    Also, thanks for the laughs.

  • curlsz

    creepy goth chuck refusing to show his face on film 😉

  • myFirstGarage

    OH NO! We have the same Ikea rug that TYRANT has. But ours is under our bed? What does that mean?!?

  • apostate

    A month or so ago, DH and I decided we needed a new computer. We went to Costco to look and instead of spending the next month price comparing and asking EVERYBODY he knows about computers, DH just picked one up off the shelf. YAY!!! (Seriously I was shocked.)
    So then we bring the computer home and instead of letting it sit uninstalled for 6 months (true story- do you even know how a computer depreciates in 6 months???) DH set it up that day. YAY II !!!!!!!
    Only he set it up on top of the desk next to the monitor instead of underneath. And every time I sit, my knees bang againt the drawers. (I have important work to do on facebook, yall.) And I was like: “Hon, do you think you could move that to the floor?” and he was all “Sure”. But I made THE mistake. Because you’re ‘pose to ask “Could you do [such and such] [insert time frame]”. For example: “Could you please brush the kids’ teeth?” is not the same as “Could you please brush the kids’ teeth in the next 20 minutes?” (Wives, you know what I’m talking about.)
    So this afternoon, I decided to just tackle the job myself and I moved the computer from the top of the desk to the floor. (I should note that the nook where the computer would normally sit is like 1/2 inch short. Seriously. 1/2 inch too short. So much for that nook.)
    The cords are (relatively) untangled and the netflix is working and it only took ONE HOUR to move my computer from the top of the desk to the floor beside the desk. (Did I mention that I was lobbying this entire time for a mac mini? Well, I was.) I feel triumphant today. But seriously, I can’t fathom the idea of doing an office.
    My desk is pushed against the wall. I don’t know how you do with the cords when the desk is out in the middle of a the office.

  • Plumeria

    I can entirely sympathise with the home office nightmare. We are growing out of – correction – we have grown out of our home office (which is great because business is booming)…..but now just walking into the office in the morning and looking at the cords, bulging shelves and draws, product samples and paperwork strewn everywhere is enough to make me want to go back to bed and disembowel myself.

    The plan is to build an extension to the house purely for the business but of course we’re too busy running the business to have time for such frivolity. Moving is absolutely not an option.

    The solution….we frequently pack up the laptops, wireless dongles and phones and set ourselves up in the bar of the local yacht club. Unfortunately this isn’t very productive once happy hour starts….it’s difficult to stop at one lunchtime G&T.

    So I am looking forward to seeing what you did about those cords and how Jon has wired up the network. Speaking of which – in our bid to become wireless we seem to have frequent IP conflicts between devices (most frequently between my computer and the printer) – how do you deal with this? Unfortunately we are geekless.

  • Greta Koenigin

    You are a stunning Madonna/Annie Lenox hybrid. Quite the camera ready blogger!


  • apostate

    You really shouldn’t take the whole self-disemboweling thing literally. I didn’t. 🙂

  • SRVRoxon

    That was awesome.

  • JenS

    I just about peed. And I mean that as a complement.

  • marthan

    Bummer, why can’t I see the video on my iPad?

  • LoriLS

    Hysterical. I can’t wait to see how it turns out. And I am obsessed with the yellow top. From whence did it come????

  • Serenity Bohon

    Awesome. I can’t wait to see the solution to the cables, but how gorgeous is the light and the floor and the space! So cool of you to invite us in – Marlo, Chuck, the Roger Rabbit and all.

  • dragonfish

    love it. but I am dying to know how many times Jon did the voice over? A millionteen at least, by my guess. Just adorable really.

  • joyluck76

    You are probably already aware of this, Heather, but your space reminds me a lot of Martha Stewart’s attic craft room. Her mag had a big article on it years ago (hopefully you didn’t throw that issue out 🙂 If you did, here’s a peak at it on her website. Maybe you find some inspiration for your nooks and cranny’s

  • kim at allconsuming


    So what you’re telling us is that not only does Tyrant resemble the Old Spice guy he sounds like him to? SCORE.

    And Chuck? Standing there? Like a statue? On that rug?


  • groan.yes

    Does anyone see Rachel Maddow being channeled through Heather? Now that I’ve seen it I can’t get the notion out of my head!

  • chimera

    I’ve never commented, but as an avid reader for the past year or so, I feel compelled to do so now: please, please consider making your videos accessible for all by captioning them for those of us who are deaf (or hard of hearing!). I wish I could appreciate what I’m sure are your words of humor in this video, but I can’t.

  • Bratfink

    I laughed my ass off when you picked up Marlo and were ‘pointing’ with her. I remember those days of toddlerhood with my own.

    It’s nice to know some things don’t change.

  • greenbean

    You know what you need for all those cables? You need cable management. 🙂
    Something along the lines of this.
    Takes a few minutes of working with it to get the hang of it, but it sure looks pretty when you’re done 😉

  • Babette

    I especially like the floating chair next to the painting…very abstract arty.

    Dance was good, too..I often break out in dance in the middle of my own chaos.

  • naysway

    I love watching tall people do the Running Man. We look awkward no matter how talented we are at dancing. Too much limbs.

    Preparing to be riveted by the techie talk, especially the hiding of cables because, claudehavemercy, that is such a huge problem with my techie husband and all his gadgetry.

  • bethmann15

    I seriously LOVE you two. You should’ve skipped HGTV and gone straight to TLC (or maybe Fox Reality would be more appropriate, given Tyrant’s language!) for a reality show. I almost popped popcorn to watch this. Can’t wait to see more! 🙂

  • mdog

    love the disastrophe. also love that despite holding a shrieking midget, it does not get in the way of using your limbs to enhance the conversation.

  • melnyc

    Love it, love it, love it. Can’t wait to see the after.
    I especially love Marlo’s whining in the background. Made it feel like home.

  • mandypants

    I have one of those cute little tiny doors in my house too. I have also knocked myself out on the little tiny door. Love your video and hour office. I’m jealous. Mine is still yet an idea in my head.

  • purplepeopleeater

    I was laughing in the first couple of seconds because when Heather says “It’s dooce welcoming you…” she holds up the ASL letter for “F”. Like, “I’m -welcoming- (or telling you to F yourself) you!” 🙂

  • Vespertine

    For that first awkward nook, one word – hammok!

  • masanchez

    I’m very much looking forward to the rest of this series. There were so many highlights in this one, but my favorite is Tyrant’s Risky-Business-sock-slide on his way to snatch up Marlo. Classic.

    I also second @ecileh’s comments about the copper bars.

    Good stuff, folks!

  • d3 voiceworks

    oh my hell. that segue from blue shirt to yellow/different day just had me rolling. funnAY! the office is a complete mess. good luck!

    as a professional voice talent, i applaud jon’s, um, efforts. xoxo

  • MaMaAdrienne

    I don’t usually comment but I wanted to say I’m really excited about this series. I’m always looking for inexpensive ways to remodel / add storage, etc. to different parts of my house. And I’m seriously excited to find out what you’re going to do with all those computer cords – they drive me crazy, too!

  • wendirobinson

    does anyon else think heather may be channeling rachel maddow? maybe it’s the hair.

  • elismsue

    Someone may have already asked this….BUT….what is that bar-like contraption that is above what is a white storage/file cabinet, already assembled item?
    A low chin up bar? A towel rack? O place to hang wet children? Just curious……I have seen it before in pictures and figured it would come down if you didn’t want it….But….it is still there….

  • Monday

    You are Adorable!
    Verizon is lucky to have you as their face.

  • leahofdp

    I can’t wait to see the network set up too! It’s a work of art really to get all that stuff hooked up and functional.

    As well, the wire problem, I don’t like that either but never been able to figure out a solution. YAY.

  • Jet62879

    Loved the video!!! You guys are great tour guides.

    I have trouble sleeping with dishes in the sink, so I can imagine what the mess of cables is doing to you.

    Wondering along with the others…what the HECK is that metal bar dangling from the ceiling?

    Also, though Tyrant’s space seems to have awkward ceiling angles, he certainly has the BEST spot. THE WINDOWS!!! The part of me that struggles with S.A.D. and sits in a cube farm is happy he gets to see some sunlight while he toils away. 😉

    Burst out laughing when you mentioned a special appearance by your butt.

    And finally, one little picky thing…I think you made a “d” sign with your hand in the beginning (for Dooce?)…but it looks like a b to us viewers.

  • barbara

    I think every video should end with your awesome dance moves.

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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