An unfiltered fire hose of flaming condemnation

Office remodel, episode two

This should surprise no one except for maybe the two people who just googled CONSTIPATED WALRUS BALL and pulled up this website for the first time that Jon has spent the last ten days researching the gravy out of how to use all his new video equipment. Also, we’ve been to therapy since the last video, and so this episode of our office remodel doesn’t have the I REFUSE TO THANK YOU FOR UNLOADING THE DISHWASHER WHEN I HAD TO ASK YOU TO DO IT IN THE FIRST PLACE kind of tension going on.

However, I’ve heard that kind of tension is good for make-up sex.

(Skip that part, Dad. Mom, you know what I’m talking about.)

I think you’ll like the improvements, including the surprise at the end. And yes, without giving too much away, that is photographic evidence of the mustard yellow pajamas and dead bird on my head from the weekend. Who loves you?

Click here if you are having trouble viewing the video. (Give it a moment to load before you click this link!)

  • beezilla

    Tyrant sounds hunkilicous! If only I were male… sigh…

  • DCruz

    Shake yo money maka!!

  • Charmed

    GREAT sofa! What a gorgeous color!

  • TexasKatie

    Mmmmm, Tyrant. I love you.

    Nice ass, Heather!!

    I want that mustard yellow shirt. And man, am I glad that someone else has crazy weird hair like mine when I wake up.

    GO MARLO! She’s mobile!!!! I love how Jon called her Frankenstein. Too cute.

    I love how Chuck and Coco-Furrocious both were inside the cabinet. I love those dogs.

    Love the room! Not too keen on the tables in relation to the rest of the room, but maybe I will like them more once I see the other pops of color you add in.

  • leatitia

    Marlo’s first steps were so touching to watch… Then the BITCH fruit montage, LOL.. and the big finale with a booty dance?! Speechless.

  • ninesandquines

    laughing my ASS off at the “surprise” at 3:18 – haven’t gotten to the end yet 🙂

  • kristanhoffman

    OH. MY. GAWD. That baby! “Yay Frankenstein”! Lololol. That and hiding Coco and Chuck in the cabinet were my favorite parts. (Also, I love how Coco comes out all, OMG Chuck what just happened? And Chuck is just like, {shrug} I’m used to it.)


    “Littlest of ease”? 😀

    Sounds about right!

  • alexiso

    Really liked the video. Are those couches comfortable?

  • talibaba

    Could you possibly share sources for the furniture?

  • naysway

    Oh, those damn squirrels and their literacy!

    Love the furniture. Brave choices with the tables. I don’t think I could ever be that brave, but it does nice things to your furniture. Kudos!

  • HeatherG

    Looking great! Love the old school movable side tables. Great colors.

    Yay on Marlo’s first steps. She seems quite proud of herself.

    The squirrels are out for blood. You’d think they’d be happy that you didn’t let one of them die in the window cellar. Whatever. We don’t have the mean squirrels in Florida.

  • talibaba

    Could you possibly share sources for the furniture?

  • Debbie7

    hahaha! I just want to say THANK YOU because you made me smile.

    I know that you guys do this for money and all, but I just want to say that I really appreciate what you do. I really look forward to coming here every day. 🙂

    ALSO: I also want to say that Jon’s work on the video really paid off, great job, Jon!

  • Mom2Gizmo

    NICE butt-waggle. Also, Marlo is adorable. Love the squeal!

  • cinddmel

    I’m loving your choices of furniture and the way it’s all coming together.
    So cute and thank you for sharing Marlo’s first steps with us, loved it.
    Can’t wait for the next episode!

  • mhsqrd

    Coming together nicely! We have the same shelving/storage units as Tyrant’s in each of the twin’s bedrooms, though we went with a lighter color option. Love the dark for Tyrant’s office.

  • smithie1996

    Side tables: lovely
    Couch: I want one just like it.
    Rug: gorgeous


  • Jessica Eiden Smedley

    Love everything.

  • susanruffin

    You are such a super star now. Oh come on, trade lives with me.

  • freckleface

    Coco and Chuck in the cabinets… HILARIOUS!! And Tyrant is sooo cute. I mean, imposing.

    Oh my gosh, when Marlo took those first steps I made a squeal to rival hers. SO adorable!! And she seemed so proud of herself, too cute.

    “Who loves you?” MAN that really hit my funny bone, because I laughed so hard and for so long just reading it. I don’t even know why; but I loved it!

  • willL

    This was a great way to start my work day this morning! Everything from Chuck’s sweet little face, to Marlo and her kermit the frog legs taking first steps, your excitment, Tyrant and said name in backyard, and then the DANCING. Oh – the dancing. It is what made me laugh out loud at my desk and clearly show I am not working.
    So funny. Cheers to mornings like these!
    Thanks so much for your humor. No matter what anyone says- you are funny and they can suck it.

  • Brookelyn Bridge

    ah, you never fail to make me laugh!
    Hugs and squeeees to Marlo for walking!

  • lesliepaige78

    heather you are hilarious!

    my milkshake brings all the boys to the yard….

  • singlemormonchick

    its looking pretty amazing!
    the baby too-gotta love those first steps. 🙂

  • JenLo

    Yes, could you pleeeese share the sources of your furniture. I <3 the Tyrant's shelving unit.

  • kotaylor

    I can’t view the video and the link doesn’t work either! ;(

  • lizneilvoss

    It’s killing me to be at work and know that I have to wait until I get home to watch this!

    @JenLo – Judging by one of the links posted above (by @mhsqrd), and my ridiculous ability to point out something from IKEA, I’m going to guess that you mean this shelf?:
    I don’t have that one in particular, but I do have three shelves from that line, and they’re great.

  • Kristi

    I need a SOURCE for that awesome shelf unit in Tyrant’s office! NEEEEEED…

    I <3 Tyrant too... and the BITCH in apricots is priceless.

    The most wonderful thing, though, is how well Chuck matches the rug - or rather, how well the rug matches Chuck. I just love those dogs!

  • Cojo

    Oh man, Marlo just keeps getting more adorable (and Leta looking very grown up in the family pix).

    I love having these voyeuristic peeks into your family’s life but not in a crazy stalker kind of way, I promise.

  • Kristi

    THANKS @lizneilvoss for that link.
    Must. Have. IKEA. Shelf!

  • lisdom

    I loved this! Super entertaining, and even if we can’t all have big offices like you, you still give some great ideas we can incorporate into whatever space we have. Those side tables are amazing!

    Also: Tyrant-I see why you keep him around.
    Marlo: adorable!

  • KatieMama

    That was hilarious! Did you really say rectilineal? I had to watch a second time to hear that again! Very exciting that you got Marlo’s first steps on video – thanks for sharing!

  • sleepy-beauty

    OMG That looks exactly ike my 4 year old daughter dancing…I SWEAR! LOL I love how brave you are…so inspiring 😉

  • AnnGeeDee

    It’s evident that Jon has been reading up on the AV equipment. The difference in the quality between the 1st and 2nd videos is huge. Nice job!

  • tokenblogger

    Okay, so in this video Tyrant reminds me of Joaquin Phoenix (before his rap era). I didn’t notice that in Tyrant’s earlier photos.

    And your butt? Girl, I see some butt in there. Is that what all that spinning class is doing for you?

    Chuck and CoCo in the cabinet was a very nice touch!

  • Tricia

    Love it. Love the bag, love the shoes, love everything. Personally, I couldn’t care less about the office remodel– but the booty-dance and Marlo’s first steps with you in that un-coiffeure? Brings joy to my heart. 🙂 Great post.

  • dooce

    Yes! I finally have a butt. It’s from the tons of squats my trainer has me doing while holding upwards of 50 pounds on my shoulders. As Nelly would say, I THINK MY BUTT GETTIN BIG!

  • kariberi

    shake your groove thang sister!

  • josephine

    Oh my gosh – I just fell over laughing in my office chair. This was awesome. Just, awesome.

    Coco & Chuck in the cabinets – with Coco all GET ME OUT OF HERE and Chuck just chilling….Marlo WALKING? Watch out. And your dance. Oh my gosh your dance. I have no words.

    This is why I keep coming back for more. 🙂

  • The Prima Momma

    And you said you couldn’t dance!

    Love the office. Love the peeks into your life. YAY Marlo! YAY Flock of Seagulls hair!

  • cipsi

    Awesome stuff – the office is fantabulous and Marlo’s first steps are precious. But honey, do you have a wedgie or something?

  • arishell

    Please give up the source for those awesome cocktail tables! Love them!

    Also, love the dogs in the cabinet and Chuck matches the rug! Excellent!

  • QueenOfGreen

    Seriously, I just choked on my cupcake! (YES! I’m eating a cupcake, dammit – it’s my first cheat in 23 consecutive days – give me a break!) Booty dance was hysterical! And, I know I’m going to have my login revoked for this (and on my first comment too!) but I never guessed you had such an accent! Too cute, too cute…

  • lovems

    I can’t wait to see the office finished!

    Marlo is getting so big – and that’s twice now I have caught sight of the Lovems! I am glad she likes it!

    Tyrant – BB GUN!

  • The Naked Redhead

    Hm, I caught all the helpful information, the furniture explanations, the cute first steps, but I can’t for the life of me figure out what was happening during the one part where CoCo was writhing around in that black bag.

    Oh…that was dancing? Cool.

  • cory212

    Looking great Heather – love your choices. (And your butt.)

  • LuckIsMyMiddleName

    The background porn music was a nice touch.

    Also, nicely played with the tight focus on everything. I’m itching to get a feel for the big picture.

  • momotwo

    Simply put … you make me laugh! Thank you!!!

  • missusclark

    Shake yer tail feathers, Heather! I thought you said you couldn’t dance…? And that *baby!* I just wanna grab her and plant smooches on her cheek! Love the squeals of pleasure.

    OK, now about the office. Love the sofa and the rug. It really does show off Chuck nicely. My first thought re: the coffee table; do you realize how grungy it’s gonna get? Fingerprints, spilled coffee, Marlo drool?

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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