the smell of my desperation has become a stench

The 2011 Chuck Calendar

It’s finally here! Meaning I got my act together and assembled this beast! Meaning I almost had to punch Tyrant in the face because he dared ask me about it ONE MORE TIME. When we hired him I didn’t know we’d be hiring my mom.

Once again we’re donating all the proceeds from the calendar to the Humane Society of Utah, so when your Granny is all, “You got me a dog calendar for Christmas?” You can answer that this is no ordinary dog calendar, GRANNY. First of all, have you ever seen a more convincing impersonation of Lady Gaga? DIDN’T THINK SO. Also, it’s helping animals. Now go take your Metamucil.

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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