the smell of my desperation has become a stench

Baby, you can drive my car

Here it is, y’all. A video mashup of you guys driving or pretending to drive and the two flagpoles over here running this website joining in. You know how it is when you hear your recorded voice and you’re like, wait, do I actually sound like that? I get that every time I see myself in video, except the reaction is BEHOLD: A WALKING PLANK OF WOOD. You could line ten of me up, nail us to the side of your house, and that draft coming through the wall would be all fixed up!

Since only six people submitted video, we’ve decided to go ahead and give all six of you a $100 cash card (you’ll be contacted shortly by email). How’s them apples?

Thank you to those who participated and to the rest of you who make all of this possible!

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

read more