An unfiltered fire hose of flaming condemnation

Dutch clock weights

Jon and I are lying in bed on Friday night watching Bill Maher when he mentions that he had recently been bleeped on CBS when he referred to Tea Partiers as Tea Baggers. And he can’t understand why this term is now deemed explicit because not everyone knows what it means, right? And his guest John Waters is like, um, Bill? Of course everyone knows what this means. Even that former Mormon, Heather, in your audience knows what it means, and she was twenty-two years old before she ever saw a penis outside of a textbook.

Right then I tell Jon to pause the television. “You know what it means, right?” I ask him.

“Well, yeah,” he answers. “I’m pretty sure it’s when the guy drags his package across your face and rests his balls in your eyes.”

To describe my laughing fit as lasting forty-five minutes will underestimate it by at least an hour.

Rests his balls in your eyes? The?

I mean, I’m sure that this particular maneuver is a total turn on for some people, but the only thing I can think of when I hear this scenario is someone getting home from work and being all, dude, I am so tired. Do you think you could go stand in front of the freezer for a few minutes and then bring your balls over here and plop them on my eyes? Thanks.

  • Anndruh

    Teabagging is most definitely balls in the mouth. Because your mouth is warm, like a cup of tea. And then you dip the little…. bag… in there.

    We just had a near 30 minute discussion clarifying this point.

  • Karma

    I’ll never forget the year my mum called me and said Dad had given her a pearl necklace for her birthday. I couldn’t stop laughing for a good 5 minutes. She kept asking me why and I just couldn’t tell her! That one isn’t mainstream either…to certain generations at least. 😉

  • amifun
  • Utahcouple

    Ok, to “teabag” was first referenced in the movie Pecker that came out in 1998 (as far as I know) and was coined by the director John Waters. I am guessing that is why they were talking about the subject when Waters was on Bill Maher’s show. In the movie the male go-go dancers are told to “stop tea-bagging the customers” by the bartender. They were lowering their balls (still in the underwear, mind you) into the patrons mouths. So I think that tea bagging is the act of lowering your balls, while in underwear (thus the bag?) into a partners mouth. So what would the act be called if there is no underwear involved? The dunk tank?

  • squeaker76

    Good thing you aren’t being tea-bagged by this guy…

  • Jayceekay

    Mommica? Think 69.

  • Shellbell

    Wow. My sex life is apparently really boring.

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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