the smell of my desperation has become a stench

Going Boom – the pictures

Like the video of our living room explained, I met the owners of the DIGS website back in January at a conference. A few months after that they contacted me and wanted to know if they could help furnish a room. I hadn’t realized how broad their selection was, and then when I saw the Jonathan Adler sofa, I wrote back and said they could totally furnish my butt.

When I realized just how serious they were, I had to get serious. And that’s when I asked AB if she would help. BUT! Then she said she charges money! And I was like, DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH OF A BULLY I AM? I was just giving her a hard time, had planned on paying her hourly fee anyway, but when she sent me the first invoice I emailed her and said, “I REPEAT. DO NOT BUY ABCHAO. Have I mentioned what a nightmare our experience was with ABCHAO? No? A TOTAL NIGHTMARE.”

I think her response was, “Sistah, you best be mailing that check right quick.”

(click here for more, this post just got REAAAAAALLLLy long)

You guys, her hourly fee is so reasonable that I may go on a twitter rampage about it: “Have I mentioned how much ABCHAO charges for her brilliance? NOT ENOUGH.”

I sent her a list of the things DIGS was furnishing, and then she sent me a mood board full of ideas. In the meantime, I was looking at the scale of the two chairs in comparison to the couch and something just wasn’t working. So I called her and told her I wanted to use those chairs for other parts of the room and that we needed to think of something to put in their place. She emailed me a picture of a leather and chrome Milo Baughman chair and said, “Something like this.” AND THEN SHE CHARGED ME ANOTHER DOLLAR.

I headed down to my favorite vintage shop, The Green Ant, and told the owner that I was looking for something Mid-Century, chrome, low to the floor. No joke, he walked over to his computer, pulled up a picture and said, “I have these over at an upholsterer right now.” And they were the exact chairs that AB had suggested. I asked him if he knew anything about Mormons, and when he shrugged I said, well the Lord has brought us together today, BROTHER.

I broke several laws on the way to that upholsterer because AB insisted that they be covered in nothing but leather. And they turned out better than we could have hoped, except I can’t recommend this upholsterer. And I really, really wanted to. But they were so unprofessional, so evasive, almost abusive. Four weeks after they said they’d have the chairs done we’d call and say, hey! Just checking in! And their clearly annoyed response was that it was people like us bugging them that made it impossible to do their job.

Would you look at that restraint? I didn’t even take to twitter!

Now for the breakdown. Let’s start with the entryway:

That’s a Jonathan Adler desk from DIGS. The wallpaper is a hand-silkscreened eco-friendly paper called Wind in Her Hair by Madison and Grow. I framed a seahorse print I got from Amber Alexander’s Esty shop above magazines, vases, and woven wooden balls I already owned. The sconces were already in the home when we bought it.

Here’s a snapshot of the living room from the entryway:

Yes, that’s one rug layered over another. The top rug is from Morocco, a piece we found from My Marrakesh and it’s lying on top of a jute rug I found at Overstock. This is something I never would have thought about doing, and I could not be more thrilled with the look, the texture, and the lush quality it gives to the whole room.

That’s the burled wood coffee table with a bird bowl and a bird sculpture on top. A copy of Decorate by Holly Becker and Joanna Copestick sits on top of Charley Harper: An Illustrated Life. The plants are Tillandsia, air plants that don’t need soil, and I got the glass cloche from The Rhubarb Studio.

Two Jonathan Adler lamps sit on a white lacquer console behind the couch that is layered with pillows and a faux chinchilla throw. AB found that pink Moroccan pouf on eBay.

Above the fireplace hangs the hand-carved wood ibex. Before AB arrived she asked if she could spray him hot pink. I told her that I would use him as a weapon and impale her before I let her anywhere near him.

HAND-CARVED WOOD. He smells like the forest.

We traded out the silver sconces for these brass ones we found, and they tie in nicely with the Trina Turk fabric-covered vintage benches AB found at a shop called Circa Who.

Across from the sofa and coffee table sit the leather-upholstered Baughman chairs and tucked in between is the Lola accent table. We killed a large animal, took three of its legs and dipped them in paint. I KID. I might eat a large animal, but I would never kill one.

A table and chairs I’ve owned for several years sit in the turret, and above it we hung an Ikea light that Tyrant spray painted gold. It took him eleven years to finish that project because he spray painted every little doodle thing individually. He threatened to kill me halfway through.

As you walk through the front door there is a little reading nook to your right. That’s where we stashed one of the Addie chairs, the Radcliffe Étagère, plus the Brandy side table. That’s a vintage map of the world hanging above the chair, and the black lamp is a Jielde zig-zag lamp from Horne.

In terms of accessories we used a lot of things that were already in my home, some vintage items we found around town, and a couple of brass urchins from Furbish. I also got a book about Tord Boontje from DIGS.

Across the room sits our upright grand piano.

The prints hanging above it I bought from Valero Doval’s Etsy shop. Flanking those pieces are two vintage Rococo gold gilt candle sconces from Valerie’s Vintage Home.

To the right of the piano is a giant plant we found in town and a framed print of an early Degas drawing.

At the back of the room is the formal dining room. That’s where I put the other Addie chair plus the George Nelson Tripod Lamp and aqua lumbar pillow.

On the dining table that we already owned I gathered up all the vintage turquoise glassware I inherited from my late Granny Hamilton plus a set of antlers we found at a local antique shop.

Or maybe Anna Beth hunted that deer down herself. She’s eating Paleo, too, SO YOU’LL NEVER KNOW.

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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