the smell of my desperation has become a stench

Family dynamics

If you aren’t watching “Modern Family” then you need to fix that right quick, son. And not just because Phil (the father seen in this clip) is based in Salt Lake City, and my friends and I ran into him and his wife at a local restaurant. I guess “ran into” isn’t really accurate. It was more like, my friend was hyperventilating, and I told her that if she didn’t go up and say hi that I was going to embarrass the entire restaurant on her behalf. He couldn’t have been more lovely when I shoved her from behind and screamed DO IT.

Thank you, Ty Burrell, for indulging us that night.

This is one of my favorite scenes from the series. One of many, many, many.

This post was sponsored by no one. Not even my butt.

(Do you have a favorite scene?)

  • famisamis

    2011/09/05 at 11:10 am

    Yeah, crazy funny.

    My favorite scene – the one where Phil talks about how he’s a cool dude dad and knows how to text. LOL = laugh out loud, OMG = oh my gosh, WTF = why the face?

    Thank you, Modern Family for creating a hilarious euphemism for another euphemism.

  • Roobacca

    2011/09/05 at 11:11 am

    I love the scene when Phil has the two girls in the car, and they’re telling him that they don’t want to go to family camp anymore. And they all start to cry. “We made our daddy cry!” “You called me daddy!” “Because you are our daddy!”

  • schallca

    2011/09/05 at 11:18 am

    I love Modern Family. Best. Show. Ever. I love when Gloria is being misunderstood because of her accent and is yelling at Jay about it as he’s opening a package that is supposed to be baby cheeses, but his secretary couldn’t understand Gloria and instead ordered Jay baby Jesus.

  • dooce

    2011/09/05 at 11:27 am

    @schallca I love it when she’s screaming angrily for him and says, “YAY!”

  • jersf

    2011/09/05 at 11:28 am

    When Manny yanks the cord out of the karaoke machine while Jay is singing, and yells “keep it up, old man, and it’s not the only thing I’ll unplug.”

  • denice

    2011/09/05 at 11:46 am

    can’t see it. the uploader has made this video not available in my country. le bummer.

  • TigerLily

    2011/09/05 at 11:48 am

    The baby cheeses/baby Jesus scene has to be one of the best TV sit-com clips of all time. Laughed my ass off at that one!

  • slw

    2011/09/05 at 12:09 pm

    The scene where Lily is first adopted by Mitchell and Cameron … and Cam enters the living room dramatically, re-enacting the whole Lion King, Circle of Life scene, raising Lily up to the sky. I have never laughed so hard!

  • DevonG

    2011/09/05 at 12:09 pm

    This is my fav:

  • Marie_Lynn

    2011/09/05 at 12:35 pm
  • Kaycie

    2011/09/05 at 12:41 pm

    I loved the WTF scene too.

    I also adore the British series Outnumbered. I caught it on PBS last week but it is easy to find on You Tube. It is a bit edgier and the kids are allowed to adlib and it makes for a lot of laughs.

  • wendee

    2011/09/05 at 12:42 pm

    Not a scene from the show, but sooooo funny!

  • atruong

    2011/09/05 at 12:51 pm

    I die everytime phil goes, “I got gloria!”

  • schweedie

    2011/09/05 at 12:59 pm

    I adore Modern Family. I adore it so hard I’m not sure I could pick a favourite scene – in every episode there’s usually something that will make me laugh so hard I cry.

    Phil and the smoke alarm that kept beeping every time he did something unmanly ranks highly, though. “Shoot, I broke a nail.” Beep!

    And Gloria trying to apologise to Claire about the email after the kids walked in on her and Phil. “It has happened to me before with another woman, and that time I was the one getting it.”

    And yes, Lily’s Lion King introduction.
    …I’ll stop now.

  • benderhill

    2011/09/05 at 1:20 pm

    Without question, this is my favorite scene from the second season:

    “You poked the bear, girls!”

  • Christina_MT

    2011/09/05 at 1:34 pm

    Love the show. Love Phil the most.

  • ReginaO

    2011/09/05 at 2:15 pm

    My favorite scene would have to be the Valentine’s episode where Phil and Claire are having a hot night out and she gets her coat caught in the escalator (naked underneath, of course!) in front of her dad and Gloria.

    Equally hilarious is the episode where the kids walk in on Phil and Claire in a compromising position.

    However, any scene with Mitchell and Cam is awesome too! Cam is by far my favorite character on the show.

  • Cindy

    2011/09/05 at 2:57 pm

    We started an impromptu garden at our new place. The spinach didn’t do so well, but the kale is never ending. Every time we talk about kale we end it with ” kale, it’s the new spinach”.

  • Moomser

    2011/09/05 at 3:02 pm

    Goddammit I can’t see the clip here in Italy either. So frustrating! Second season hasn’t aired here yet but can’t wait. I’ve been trying to think of a favorite scene, but there are too many!

  • Beanie

    2011/09/05 at 3:03 pm

    My favorite is actually a quote from Luke.

    It was Clare and Phil’s anniversary and the kids bring them breakfast in bed.

    They are totally doing it.

    When Jay asked the kids what Clare and Phil were doing, Luke replied, “I’m not sure but it looked like Dad was winning.”

  • Amy J.

    2011/09/05 at 3:07 pm

    It’s a tie between this one:

    and this one:

    LOL…the way he says “Come Back to the Five and Dime Jimmy Dean, Jimmy Dean”…KILLS me. I know a handful of people who’ve even ever seen that movie and being from TN…well, that’s how we say it : )

  • dawdawsmom

    2011/09/05 at 3:09 pm

    LOVE the show…I really liked the episode where Phil had the ad put on the mini van. The scene where Claire and Haley are driving down the road and guys pull up beside them just kills me!

  • teetotaled

    2011/09/05 at 3:17 pm

    I have SO many favorite scenes!
    I love when Phil plays “bad cop” and makes the girls clean the bathroom all day without a break.
    I love when Phil pretends Gloria is his wife in the store.
    I love the Hawaii episode….cannot wait for this season! Squeeeee!

  • cory212

    2011/09/05 at 4:53 pm

    Cam & Mitchell accidentally lock Lily in the car and call the police. “We’ve locked our daughter in the car and people are judging us!” Best. Show. Ever.

  • bblack3

    2011/09/05 at 4:56 pm

    When Cam is dressed as Fizbo the clown and they stop to get gas and the tough dude in the truck bumps into Mitchell and Cam gets out and rips the guy for picking on Mitchell. LOVE when Cam pulls the alarm clock out and says they have to get moving, times wasting!

  • kranky

    2011/09/05 at 5:08 pm

    I also love the “naked under the coat stuck on the escalator” scene, but my current favorite episodes are:

    1. Where Phil has the van decaled with sexual innuendos about his wife and daughter not being satisfied

    2. The episode where Mitch goes to work dressed like Spiderman and none of the other lawyers dress up for Halloween

  • prestonk9

    2011/09/05 at 5:16 pm

    When Claire was supposed to get Phil the new iPad and didn’t and said the stores would get more next week, Phil said, “That’s the worst thing you can say to an early adopter!”

    The episode when Phil gives the funny speech at the Realtor awards and at the end Claire imitates a lady at the grocery store with a hilarious accent and Luke says, “It’s like she’s right here!” and Phil face is all ??. That struck my funny bone and replayed it like 5 times.

    I think Phil is my fav, but anything Luke says and when Gloria is mad. Love that show! Obviously.

  • Scott-5x5

    2011/09/05 at 5:31 pm

    Best show, best show. The PROBLEM though, is there is one moment in almost every show, when Phil is being especially moronic, when you almost cringe at what he’s doing, what he’s saying, and it hits me again: OMG, I do that. I’m Phil. Heavy, heavy sigh.

  • sherrye22

    2011/09/05 at 6:59 pm

    Oh yeah. BEST.SHOW.ON.TV.
    My favorite is the scene where Claire is talking on the phone with Phil about the remote not working. I swear, I SWEAR my husband and I have had that same thing happen:
    Husband: Are you doing that thing where you’re pressing all the buttons at once in anger?”
    Me: Um, no (and totally doing that).

  • Elizabeth_L

    2011/09/05 at 7:12 pm

    Oh, yes. One of my favorite shows of all time.

    Too many good scenes to pick just one but, soft cheeses, your choice is good!

    A few other lines that made me laugh til I cried include:

    – the nursery school interview “… disabled, interracial lesbians with an African kicker. Did not see that coming.”
    – Fizbo is a bad ass! And when he pulls that giant clown clock out and says, were gonna be late. Oh my.
    – Gloria with that gun in “Manny, Get your gun”.
    – YAY! and setting off the car alarms….

    Now I’m going to go waste an hour watching old episodes on Hulu.

  • NicoleC

    2011/09/05 at 7:55 pm

    My favorite quote just happens to be Phil talking about raising kids….”Your parents fake their way through it. You fake your way through it. And hopefully you don’t raise a serial killer.”
    This show brings so much joy into my life.

  • apostate

    2011/09/05 at 9:14 pm

    I know it seems incredibly cliche, but my favorite scene is probably the flash mob scene. I also like Phil’s white pride shirt. They’re all my favorite.

  • southerngirl

    2011/09/05 at 10:15 pm

    Love, love, love Modern Family. It has the best writing on television.

    Favorite scenes that contain phrases my husband and I have incorporated into our daily lives:

    When Claire and Phil are racing each other to the restaurant for Manny’s birthday and Phil almost has an accident and yells, “Sweet Baby Jesus (pronounced Hayzeus)!”

    When Claire and Phil are pretending to be other people on a Valentine’s Day date and Jay comes by when Claire is trapped on the escalator and says to Phil, “Take it down a notch, Clive.” I cannot tell you how many times I have said that to my husband now.

  • jan001

    2011/09/05 at 10:48 pm

    The one Heather posted is one of my favorites, explicitly for the line when Claire yells, “What’s the plan, Phil??” as he’s holding onto the hood yelling, “I got ir, I got it!”

    My other two favorites have already been mentioned here — when Lily got locked in the car, and the George Clooney bit.

    Love this series! When I got DVR, it was THE first thing I scheduled. I’m not always home on Wednesday nights but I watch the “taped” episode as soon as I get home. Come on, September 21!

  • Totah Sam

    2011/09/05 at 10:57 pm

    My favorite episode was The Car Episode. You remember that one, right? The husband kept a pen and notebook in his car to track mileage. The pen wasn’t there for some inexplicable reason and in his haste to get a new one, he opened the car door while it was in reverse. He ended up ripping off the door of one car and damaging the other one. Then he blamed the spous.. err….

    Oh wait…

    That wasn’t Modern Family. Now where did I hear about that? hmm…. :p

  • whyrustalkingme

    2011/09/05 at 11:03 pm

    My favorite is when Clair yells to Alex (in front of her friends) to spend her extra money on a training bra. I laughed, rewound, laughed, wiped tears, rewound and called my then 13 year old in to watch. Great show!

  • carleemann

    2011/09/05 at 11:23 pm

    For me, it’s a tie! 1)The aformentioned Luke comment, “I’m not sure what they were doing, but it looked like Dad was winning.” And 2) when Phil had that ridonculous moustache and Claire yelled at him, “Shut up Mario!” I figure there is a small window of the population that understood that one 🙂

  • specialkrispy

    2011/09/06 at 6:09 am

    The scene that gets me is Claire and Mitch ice skating in the parking lot.

    Also, anything that Gloria says.

  • hamelanie

    2011/09/06 at 6:19 am

    Phil: The art of the sale is all about what you leave out. 83 classic wagon… tough to find parts. They don’t make ‘em like this anymore… for legal reasons. Enjoyed for many years by one happy family… *boop* of raccoons.

  • sayboo

    2011/09/06 at 8:54 am

    My favorite scene was when Phil is trying to teach Luke a lesson by shooting him and ends up shooting Luke, himself and Haley’s boyfriend:–iHzNUQ

  • Jaggy

    2011/09/06 at 9:08 am
    slap the chicken..

  • pehuff

    2011/09/06 at 9:49 am

    The Baby Cheeses

  • MsMegan

    2011/09/06 at 10:00 am

    I love the scene from the Mother’s Day episode when Cam is running across the park and Mitch has to yell “hands!” I want to live with Mitch and Cam.

    Great show.

  • Hollishj

    2011/09/06 at 10:41 am

    Love the show. And LOVE the scene where Phil’s showing Claire how to use the thermostat and sings her the little song he composed. “The snowflake button makes it cold, cold, cold…”

  • Fig Monster

    2011/09/06 at 11:15 am

    love love LOVE this show.

    “If your mom had a name tag it would say Good Driver”…

    “Stephen Hawking could ride that bike.”

    “That bookshelf was my Vietnam. And I was in Vietnam.”

    “I could shoot the buttons off your shirt if I wanted to.”

    “…air bunnies…”

    and on and on and on….

  • dimplescfg

    2011/09/06 at 12:12 pm

    I love the scene where Cameron and Mitchell lock Lily in the car. They totally panic, Cameron tries to bash the window in with a trash can while Mitchell calls OnStar. When OnStar unlocks the car Cameron goes, “Does that come from space?” Ha!

  • Hollishj

    2011/09/06 at 3:45 pm

    Love the show. LOVE Phil. And loved the thermostat song that Phil made up for Claire. “The snowflake button makes it cold, cold, cold…”

  • wisa03

    2011/09/06 at 8:28 pm

    What’s the plan, PHIL?

    Oh, and to follow up on when they lock Lily in the car, “Sir, can you please ask your wife to stop screaming?”

  • big dog momma

    2011/09/07 at 2:40 pm

    Mitchell climbing down the drain pipe in his crunching spider man suit. Screaching with laughter!!!!!

  • tracy

    2011/09/07 at 6:37 pm

    I FELL IN LOVE with Modern Family from episode one, and not just because I wish I had more gays in my life, and YES, I know Cam & Mitchell are not actually gay…. (at least not that i know of….)

    Season 2, enter my daughter’s new bedtime routine, which included Wow Wow Wubbzy (wubbzy wow wow!)…..on at the same unfortunate time as my beloved Modern Family. And because I love my daughter even more than I love a perfectly written & acted tv program, I gave up my weekly MF fix.

    And before you give me the obvious answer of, Duh… DVR it, woman!, I don’t own a DVR player. Recorder? See, I don’t even know the proper terminology.

    And it’s not on OnDemand, either.
    And the series on DVD is still too expensive….

    Which is where you, darling Heather, & your awesome power to influence, come into play. See, I know you’ve got an in with at least two cast members, and I’m sure by now you’ve got someone at ABC in your back pocket? No? Oh. Hmmm…. Well, maybe you could get Tyrant on that shit for me?

    Thanks a bunch!
    ‘Preciate it!

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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