the smell of my desperation has become a stench


Yes, my eight-year-old watches TV and plays video games and I routinely feast on her brain for dinner. But she also likes to pretend she’s a wizard, and one afternoon last week she spent an hour putting together “potions” in the backyard. This specific one (those are unripe apricots on the right) was supposed to make her invisible. When I told her I could still see her she got really annoyed like she was tired of trying to explain the definition of FANTASY to me. And I was like, oh I KNOW WHAT FANTASY MEANS. His name starts with Ryan and ends with Gosling.

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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