the smell of my desperation has become a stench

He loves it when I do this

picture of Chuck the dog by Heather B. Armstrong for

One of the first disciplinary tricks we learned from Chuck’s trainer was a technique he called “Check Teeth.” He was just a few months old and we’d cradle him like a baby, take one hand and rub his ears, eyes and mouth all while saying out loud, “Check ears, check eyes, check teeth.” Preferably in a voice similar to one altered by helium.

We had to do it three or four times a day for several weeks to establish a dominance that was good for his behavior and his health because it got him used to the idea of people touching his face. This way he’d never freak out when a vet got all up in his snout. Or when a three-year-old decided to see just what was up inside his nostrils.

Practice make perfect.

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Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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