the smell of my desperation has become a stench

Oh, are people watching me?

This is what adrenalin does to a newly four-year-old’s face. This kid was HIGH at her birthday party on Friday night, putting on a show for the twenty members of family who had gathered. Dancing, singing, making fart noises. Here she’s sitting in the princess lawn chair my mother bought her (TAKE IT UP WITH MY MOTHER), and I could not get her to make a straight face for me. She was so out of her mind that it was physically impossible. The inevitable crash happened at about six o’clock, and after trying to get her to stay awake just a bit longer I gave up and had to carry her upside down to her bed as she squirmed, started speaking in tongues, and BARKED. She started BARKING.

Four has started with a bang.

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Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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