the smell of my desperation has become a stench


This is how you can help.

It was mid-evening on a Thursday night at an hour when I would have normally been putting Leta to bed, reading with her side by side. She’s currently poring over the fourth book in a five-book series, always giving me a recap of her favorite parts before I turn her lights off, and in the days leading up to my trip to Southeast Asia I was highlighting every passage in a book I was reading about a wife who willingly and routinely sent her husband into brothels to collect evidence. Now that I have returned I climb into her bed beside her and listlessly scroll through apps on my iPad. My kindle is right there, it’s where I read almost everything, but I can’t concentrate for very long periods of time, my brain returning to streets and alleys and bars, dark cars and conversations I made longer with an endless string of questions and scenarios.

The back of my brain is still humming, and its low chorus reminds me, don’t forget. Don’t be consumed, Heather, by the tiny, repetitive details of everyday life and let what they showed you narrow into a mute haze, remember how their voices broke almost unnoticeably when presenting to us a bulleted powerpoint presentation of how they go about collecting evidence knowing that those sterile details would pale into almost nothingness when the four of us came face to face with a numbered girl sitting next to us in a brothel, leg to leg, faces close enough that they would inquire as to why my berry-flavored lip gloss smelled so good.












The undercover team that let us into their home and offices—a kitchen they had stocked with Diet Coke, American cookies, and nut mixes based on what they had read about each one of us before our trip—they are not what I am supposed to come to you with as the crux of my message. They want no credit or attention or thanks or gratitude. I made them visibly uncomfortable when I thanked them out loud, more than once or twice, for trusting us enough to show us the hourly specifics of how they spend their lives freeing young girls and boys.

The victims, they told me, they are the brave ones. They are the ones who are enduring cruelty and enslavement and violence on a daily basis that the average American cannot possibly fathom. Talk about the victims, they told me, and I will. I will talk about the girl who can barely speak the language, who was promised a job at a restaurant where she could earn enough money to send back to her family and instead was kidnapped and sold, her passport stolen, all correspondence with her family cut off, a debt to pay now only with her body. I will talk about her.

But I have some other things to say first.

That Thursday night an undercover investigator—we’ll call him Robert, one of the many operatives who can claim to be retired military personnel, an older man of my height who is graying around his temples, a Brooklyn accent so thick it hung in the air after every word with a weight almost heavier than the humidity—he trusted me enough to accompany him as he and a fellow investigator maintained watch over Laura Parker (author of the book I mention above) and an interpreter while they hired two freelance sex workers, women we’d interview for an hour and a half about their lives and hopes and fears. 

Robert and I could live next door to each other and never exchange a hello or a head nod while seeing each other grabbing the mail. Our political and spiritual views lie at opposite ends of the spectrum. He has no interest in anything online, doesn’t watch television or listen to modern music or understand what a pageview is. He’s never seen Frozen. In any other setting I would assume that he and I have absolutely nothing in common, but in those offices and bars and while walking along that street lined with women who were selling themselves, so much rose to the surface that connected us to each other: the overwhelming love we have for our children, a profound appreciation of family, the sadness and outrage about the abundant inequalities between us and the people around us, the trust we offered each other in those few short days.

I’m not supposed to express gratitude to Robert or the other people who are doing what he is doing, but so rarely if ever do the people they rescue ever know who it was who risked their lives to gather the evidence that led to their freedom. But I don’t know of people who are more deserving of that sentiment, especially given that Robert could be sitting in a barcalounger in his living room back in the states enjoying his retirement and is instead working countless hours a week on the other side of the world trying to restore the lives of people who cannot do it for themselves. For those of us who want to help but have all-consuming obligations at home—families, jobs, school, homework, appointments—let us say thank you for doing this work on behalf of those whose worlds you have changed. Because we have the privilege of paper and pen and word documents and text messages and voicemails and blogs and tweets, while those girls and boys are just beginning their road to recovery. Thank you for dedicating your lives to putting them on that path.

The trust that Robert and the others offered to me is an experience and an honor so humbling that it is impossible for me to come back here and not deliver to you their message. I don’t think that they knew they were giving me one, but I now understand that it is at the crux of why I was supposed to be there. Someone upon my return didn’t realize they were rolling their eyes while telling me that until tourists stop traveling to Southeast Asia for sex, the demand will be too high to make any real difference in human trafficking. Why even bother? One or two girls here, a few there.

One or two girls here, a few there.

Robert and his colleagues are acutely aware of the Sisyphean task in front of them, and yet, they continue to roll that boulder up the hill. 

They continue to sit in dark cars with cameras and binoculars, continue to enter brothels and back alleys to collect information from girls they know are underage, girls they will knowingly and tragically leave behind until they can make a case, continue to put themselves in grave danger because tonight or tomorrow night or some night next month may be the night they get the recording or the testimony or that one missing piece that can trigger a successful raid. For one or two girls. If they’re lucky, maybe even a dozen.

One or two girls here, a few there. One or two worlds changed, a few worlds changed over there.

Statistics be damned. One human life matters.

Many of you have asked how you can help, and trust me when I say that I know what it feels like to hear about these things and fantasize about selling everything, moving to the other side of the world and jumping in wherever you can, wherever you’re needed. Put me to work, I want to say. It’s what my mother said to me on Sunday afternoon. But the reality is that the overwhelming majority of us cannot leave our obligations at home. We cannot move our children or leave our jobs or stop attending to the tasks that keep the cogs of our life in motion. Couple that with the fact that the majority of us don’t have the expertise or experience needed on the ground.

However, they do. You can send them in your place. 

The Exodus Road has determined that $35 covers the costs of an average night of local investigations for their men and women in the field. They work with four search and rescue teams, but the one who invited us into their home was Delta Team in Southeast Asia, and to say that they are very close to my own heart is an understatement. More than any other donation they need is this cost of an investigation. This money covers lodging and transportation often while they are trekking into remote villages of border towns where trafficking occurs in extremely impoverished conditions.

The proximity of the time I spent with Delta Team and our celebration here of Independence Day was unplanned, but I cannot help but regard the timing as fortuitous. For so many of us the Fourth of July is a time spent with family on sprawling grassy lawns, tables filled to overflowing with potluck dishes and barbecue. We light sparklers and then snap photos as our children’s faces erupt with delight, all of it in the name of those who fought to build the foundation of this country and the freedom we are privileged to enjoy because of it.

Often when we think of that freedom we immediately go to thoughts of our right to free speech, to peaceably assemble, the free exercise of religion and the right to bear arms. I would guess that rarely do we seriously reflect on some of the very basic privileges afforded to us as well: the ability to leave our rooms and homes, the ability to live with our families and the years spent watching them grow, freedom from having to sell our bodies for sex.

While celebrating Independence Day this year I would challenge you to consider these simple, fundamental liberties and the people who fought so that generations of Americans could sit with their families on those grassy lawns. And then think about Robert, working right now—today and tomorrow and next month and next year—on the other side of the world entering a dark brothel where he knows a teenage girl has been kidnapped and is being sold for sex against her will on a nightly basis.

Send his team in your place

You can join the Delta Team along with me by committing to a $35/month donation. You can fund investigations and help them change the worlds for those girls and boys. Jamie Wright started a private Facebook group for generous donors and supporters where we can safely “talk about, celebrate, and pray for the work we’re conspiring to fund.” Members of the The Exodus Road and Delta Team often join in and give updates on their work including covert footage of investigations and news of successful arrests.


To support this team on a monthly basis, click here and check “DELTA TEAM” underneath “Search and Rescue Team” and click on “Heather Armstrong” where it asks how you heard about them. In the “Additional Comments” box please leave the email address you’d like to use if you want to join the private Facebook group.

If $35 a month is out of your budget, you can also make a one-time donation. Just select “One Time” on the “Donation Frequency” line.

If you’d like to use Paypal, you can click here to join the Delta Team, or click here to make a one time donation. There is no option to leave the email address you want to use for the Facebook group when using Paypal, so just send it to me (dooce at dooce dot com) and I’ll see that you’re invited.

Last year Jamie was able to inspire over 200 people to join in making monthly donations to fund this team. That’s a very high bar to set, but we are hopeful. Through our combined efforts we’d like to galvanize a similar number of donors. This is our main goal.

Please help us help them rescue lost children.

I know many of you have to buy diapers and pay for school lunches and have healthcare premiums that eat at every penny of your monthly budget. And still, you may want to help in some small way. If you can’t afford $35 a month, please consider a one-time donation. Any amount of money you give will go directly toward these needs:

– $3k to ship NSA declassified gear from the states to Southeast Asia
– $4800 for 4 computers 
– $200 training materials
– $2k misc supplies and gear (hard drives, batteries, cases, etc)

I have invited Laura Parker of The Exodus Road to jump in and respond to any questions or concerns you have about the logistics of their organization that you may have in the comments section below. Please bear with her as she is on the other side of the world in a time zone far removed from our own.

Just $35 a month (or whatever you can give). Please join me. Share the stories that we’ve been sharing. Look at these photos and let them make you uncomfortable. Reflect on your own independence.

  • JenniferW2323

    2014/07/02 at 11:54 am

    Recently committed to a monthly donation to Planned Parenthood (thanks, SCOTUS!!), but did just make a one-time donation to the Exodus Road. I hope it helps. Because this is terrifying stuff.

  • Kat

    2014/07/02 at 11:57 am

    It makes my soul ache. The depth of human suffering, all around is overwhelming. Life, being such a miraculous event is so robbed by what we are capable of doing, and let being done, to one another. Thank you for sharing this story and for sharing ways to help.

  • Tiffany Palella Cronin

    2014/07/02 at 12:07 pm

    Heather, Thank you for sharing how we can help. When I first read about your trip, I didn’t understand why four women bloggers were being asked nor why you would accept. After seeing your pictures on instagram and reading your posts here, I’m so thankful that you saw the importance of the journey. I have been reading everything I can on Exodus Road as well as the posts that the other women posted. I am a single mother of little girl and the thought of this happening to other little girls is sickening. I am not naive and I knew this was happening but I never really understood how or why. I thought it was by choice or lack thereof because that’s just what you do as a woman in that part of the world. I had no idea of how they were being sold by their own families, kidnapped, held against their will. I look forward to donating to Exodus Road and helping in any way that I can. It will be financially when I can swing it but I can also promise that I have a very big mouth and I know I will be sharing everything I’ve learned. We have to hope that if more people knew, more people would help. Thank you for taking time away from your family and putting yourself in danger to spread the word. I wish there were more people out there like you.

  • Sara Haugen

    2014/07/02 at 12:31 pm

    Freedom is so much more than what we tend to think. Thanks for putting it all in perspective. <3

  • Kate

    2014/07/02 at 1:26 pm

    I’m still trying to wrap my brain around the banner that says “Turn this space into your cash cow!” with an image of both a cow and a young woman. Jesus. How is this (the blatant selling of under age women) legal there??

  • Katybeth

    2014/07/02 at 3:22 pm

    Thank you for sharing both the experience and how we can best help. I am just wondering if anything else is needed beside monetary contributions? I know it is imperative to give these people working in the trenches as much financial support as possible and I am more than happy to write a small but heart-felt check towards their efforts but it seems you have built a community of doer’s, contributors and sharers why not put some of that energy to good use or point people in that directions so that they can create their own initiatives – understandable you can only do so much…Just a thought.

  • Jen Moore

    2014/07/02 at 3:30 pm

    Beautiful. As a fellow activist I stand by your side and the side of the millions of girls and women who are sold. Thank you for this work you are doing. We will conquer this, we must–it is the imperative of our lifetime to end human slavery. Yours in sisterhood. xo

  • Heather Armstrong

    2014/07/02 at 3:55 pm

    I appreciate this insight and still have a lot more to say (and more ideas as to how to help). This was our initial ask as it is their most glaring need. And having spent so much one on one time with this team and having them extend their trust to me me, helping them in any way feels like the right thing to do right now.

  • Howie

    2014/07/02 at 3:59 pm

    As one of the 200 whom Jamie recruited last year, let me tell you that joining DELTA Team has been one of the most heart-breakingly beautiful things I’ve been a part of. And I wouldn’t trade it…

    Thanks for sharing, Heather!

  • Heather Armstrong

    2014/07/02 at 4:01 pm

    Thank you for this. Most people do not know that there are more slaves today than at any time in human history. This interview with researcher and author Ben Skinner is such an insightful read:

  • Heather Armstrong

    2014/07/02 at 4:08 pm

    Thank you so much for coming here to share that. I hope so many more join you.

  • Howie

    2014/07/02 at 4:10 pm

    You’re welcome. If anyone has questions about being in the group, I’d be happy to answer whatever I can! 🙂

  • Laura Parker

    2014/07/02 at 5:45 pm

    It’s hard to fathom, for sure. The elements are ripe, I think particularly in SE Asia, to allow the sex industry to flourish so. One of the main factors, honestly, is the cultural view of women across Asia– they are often regarded as second class citizens (especially if they are from remote villages or are uneducated.) Thanks for wrestling with this with us. It IS a difficult thing to fathom.

  • Laura Parker

    2014/07/02 at 5:47 pm

    Tiffany, thank you for being moved to help. And please know that SHARING the realities for these girls (and our work, if you can) is a huge help. That is advocacy as well and it matters. People can’t help unless then first KNOW. So, thank you for that, too.

  • Laura Parker

    2014/07/02 at 5:47 pm

    Jennifer –

    Thanks! Every little bit helps!

  • Laura Parker

    2014/07/02 at 5:50 pm


    Heather gave a great response. Because we work with local police always, we need to build solid evidence of trafficking through evidence gathered — case reports, video / photo evidence, maps, testimony, etc. Once we find the case, build it, then we can take it to local trusted partners who will move on it. Unfortunately, the police are understaffed and underfunded to be able to do the “legwork”/evidence gathering on the front end. We never “grab” a girl, as like Heather said, that doesn’t work to affect systematic change. Thanks for your question!

  • Cassidy Stockton

    2014/07/02 at 5:54 pm

    This series keeps me on the verge of tears and gives me chills with each post you ladies are sharing. Thanks for bringing this story to us.

  • Dana B.

    2014/07/02 at 6:09 pm

    Heather – I want to share this post and all the included information through all of my social media channels. I am planning on just sharing this post with a bit of an introduction as to why I’m sharing, however, is there another way you/the organization would prefer we share this information on our own social media? I want to get as many people aware and involved in this oh so very important issue. Love.

  • Dalaina May

    2014/07/02 at 6:39 pm

    Heather, I am loving your series about your trip. I started sponsoring the Alpha Team almost a year ago, and it has been a joy to be a small part of this work. I am curious if I could get into the facebook group too? (I don’t think Alpha team has anything like that.) My facebook profile name is maygrrl (Dalaina May). Thanks! And keep writing.

  • Natalie

    2014/07/02 at 8:26 pm

    Hi Heather,

    I’m curious if you’ll be discussing the role of the customers in this industry? It seems that so often when discussing the sex trade, the majority of the focus is on the workers and prosecuting those that run the operations. All vital information which I’m not trying to distract from. However, it seems to me that too often we overlook the people that actually partake in purchasing these girls and their services. It’s simply mind blowing to me that someone can knowingly take part in this by ‘purchasing’ one of these girls knowing full well that the girl they are purchasing is being held against her will or some similar form of distress. Is there anything being done about this? I don’t mean to distill the problem down to a simple supply and demand model, but will this ever end until we live in a world where all people abhor the very idea of purchasing sex under these conditions? Until then I can’t see it ending.

  • Michelle

    2014/07/02 at 10:25 pm

    Thank you, Heather. I’m hoping others also make a contribution, no matter how small, and that all our drops will add up.

  • Jen Moore

    2014/07/03 at 10:28 am

    Yes thanks Heather. I teach a Women of the World (Women’s Studies) course and my students are SHOCKED to learn that there is more slavery today than any other time on the planet. My experience is that folks think since we ended segregation and slavery in the South it is gone. Oh how I wish that were true. Again, thanks for shining the light. Together with all our lights we will banish this darkness. ps..if you are interested there is a beautiful and uplifting documentary called The Day My God Died that I share with my students. Human faces to the stories.

  • Stephanie Ezzell

    2014/07/03 at 1:49 pm

    I didn’t read well enough so I didn’t pick a particular “team,” but I have been so moved by all that you and the other three ladies have written. It’s easy to block these things out, pretend like they don’t matter because they’re not right in front of us, so thank you for putting them right in my face where I can’t ignore them.

  • Laura Parker

    2014/07/03 at 9:34 pm

    Dana- Thanks for wanting to socially share! I think just getting the word out any way you like is fantastic with links to both Heather’s articles and our website — that would be fantastic! THANK YOU – people have to KNOW before they can ACT.

  • Laura Parker

    2014/07/03 at 9:38 pm

    Dalaina — facebook message me with your email and I will add you 🙂 We are hoping to start one for ALPHA, as well. . . sometime. 🙂

  • Laura Parker

    2014/07/03 at 9:41 pm

    Natalie, Yes the supply issue is a serious one, too. Honestly, working in rescue an prosecutions is “cutting down supply” because it is making the purchase of underage girls/trafficked victims more dangerous and less attractive. By bringing in legal force, we are making the industry less lucrative for all involved.

    There is however, much to be done in many of these countries in regards to women’s rights, especially. Another cultural aspect that begs attention.

    Thanks for your comment and for engaging in this issue — its a broad, complex one for sure.

  • Susan Johnson

    2014/07/04 at 1:36 pm

    Today is the most appropriate date to donate and I did. Glad to help.

  • Laura Parker

    2014/07/04 at 6:46 pm

    Thanks to all who are giving! We are so grateful — and so is the team here in SE Asia that you are supporting!

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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