the smell of my desperation has become a stench


Whenever I’m “doing art” with Marlo with construction paper and crayons and colored pencils, this is the shape that I always draw. It’s pretty much the only shape I can draw outside of your average circle or square. I’ve always admired people who are talented enough to be able to create images with paint or pencil, as much as I wish I could write music or sing opera. But I have none of those talents. If someone asked me what I do well I’d say that I use the tongue and eggplant emojis with a dramatic flare unlike no one else.

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Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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