the smell of my desperation has become a stench


This is the youngest of my friend Rachel’s four children. His name is Cassius but they call him Gus, and he’s… how do you put it… spirited? Rachel was asking about my babysitter and wondering if she could use her from time to time, so I had a talk with her and she was like, “What are her kids like?”

What are her kids like… yeah… the older kids are really mellow and easy. And then there’s Gus, The Front-Line Combat Tank. He’s like Marlo if Marlo had access to guns and bombs. There is a reason she routinely takes photos of the destruction he has wrought on her house captioned with the hashtag #Gusfacekillah.

Leta thinks he hung the moon. She’s ten and he’s three and they both find each other absolutely hilarious. Good practice for Leta when she starts babysitting and paying me rent.

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Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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