the smell of my desperation has become a stench

Allergic to costume season

Marlo: “What’s your costume going to be for Halloween, mom?!”

Me: “You’re pretty enthusiastic about that question, kid. I’m going to dress up as Marlo’s mom.”

Marlo: “That’s not a costume! You should be a witch.”

Me: “Wherever did you come up with that idea.”

Marlo: “You’d look great as a witch!”

Me: “Do I even need to put on a costume for that?”

Marlo: “Just grab a broom and ride it around like it’s a horse.”

Me: “I’ll repeat myself: do I need to change what I’m doing already?”

1. Bean’s Interlock Mock-Turtleneck $22.95

2. Apple iPod, 1st Generation $196.99

3. Hugo Boss Leather Inlay Belt $65.80

4. Fruit of the Loom Cushioned Crew Socks $10.99

5. Moto Authentic Mom Jeans $70

6. Birkenstock Arizona Two Band Sandals $100

7. Miss Selfridge Wool Fedora $50

8. Distressed Moto Jacket $59

9. Crossback Button Up Top $87

10. Seneca Crossbody Leather Bag $295

11. Frye Ruby Chukka $194.99

12. Stretchy Skinny Jeans $15.18

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Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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