Heater, Mother of Lance

Recent Posts

You need ideas for gifts? I might have a few hundred.

I have not attempted a gift guide since Marlo pronounced “breakfast” as “bref-disk” and ever since someone corrected her my heart has been trying to reassemble itself. Maybe that’s contributing to my gut issues, although I think my gut issues have a lot more to…

November 29, 2019

Family portraits 2019

A couple of weekends ago we all got dressed up, relatively speaking, to have Cat Palmer take our family portraits. First, I say “relatively” speaking because Marlo refuses to wear dresses anymore unless it’s for a sacred occasion. Like Halloween: View this post on Instagram…

November 4, 2019

For the sake of her health and mine

While LightStream has compensated me for this post, it reflects my personal thoughts and opinions. …… The cohost of my podcast and I just finished recording an episode, and the only mention I made about my ongoing mysterious illnesses was at the end when I…

October 24, 2019

“Feeling seen”, with thanks to Linda for seeing me

I am sitting down to write this as fast as I can given that I need to go pick up Marlo in 20 minutes, and having not written anything longer than a couple of paragraphs here and there in the last few weeks might be…

October 16, 2019

Look at me! Asking for your advice! Please be gentle!

This is a random request to start off a blog post, but you didn’t come here to read the website of a law-abiding citizen who really believes that George Washington cut down that cherry tree with all of their patriotic, law-abiding heart. NO. You came…

September 19, 2019

“Rocking flannels all summer like Kurt Cobain”

As I write this I’m sitting in bed propped up on pillows as some random dude I hired off of Nextdoor feeds me grapes and makes tiny origami shapes of Benicio Del Toro while singing the entire Bee Gees catalog. A cappella. He was originally…

September 11, 2019

A post about Paris unlike any I have ever written

Today’s post is brought to you by Tangents Unlimited®, a production of Heather B. Armstrong’s mind that you’re gonna wanna diagnose after reading this manic rambling spiral into HEATHER HAS MANIC DEPRESSIVE DISORDER AND YOU KNOW THIS BECAUSE YOUR AUTHORITY IS THE DIPLOMA YOU POSSESS…

July 16, 2019

Self-care after finding that lost dog scare

I promised you the other dog story that started out as the original story only to end up being a completely different story about That Other Dog who gave us a total scare the day after I published that post. She’s okay now, but her…

June 19, 2019

“Welcome to your life, there’s no turning back”

I need to write this all down, down baby, down by the roller coaster. Sweet, sweet baby, I’ll never let you go! Well, that just happened. Those words shot straight out of my fingers without any consideration on my part. If any of that means…

June 4, 2019

“I’m glad there is an internet job my mom is qualified for.”

YOU ARE GOING TO WANT TO READ THIS ONE ALL THE WAY TO THE END. OKAY? Okay. So. So many announcements, let me try to keep it all straight but I cannot promise anything. Except crying. There will be crying, so much of it and…

May 28, 2019