An unfiltered fire hose of flaming condemnation

Recent Posts

France won the World Cup and all I got was a lesson in how to chill out

On Sunday I befriended a 20-year-old French kid named Etienne while sitting on the concrete railing of a walkway leading down to the Seine. We were gathered with hundreds of others in front of a relatively small television to watch the final match of the…

July 17, 2018

“To see the world with lights on for a change”

Greetings once again from a second story apartment in Le Marais, an historic district in Paris where last year I witnessed Parisian people behaving distinctly un-Parisian when Anderson Cooper climbed out of a black Mercedes with his luggage and headed toward the entrance of a…

July 9, 2018

A relic from my redneck heritage

I know that this is going to come as a huge surprise to almost all of you—WAIT. TANGENT IN THE FIRST SENTENCE. WHO SAYS I DON’T DELIVER. I just had my DNA analyzed by one of those private companies that is probably going to sell…

June 25, 2018

Excuse the dust, my inability to be polite showed up

Last week the girls an I visited Disneyland to celebrate Marlo’s ninth birthday (this whole thing happened NINE YEARS AGO) and yes, while I was very busy standing in hour-long lines with swaths of Disney-frenzied humanity, I was also processing what the fuck is going…

June 18, 2018

Yo Daddy 2018

Dear lord god, the run up to the end of the school year was like getting on one of those rides at an amusement park that turns in circles really fast after you’ve just chugged a whole jug of queso made out of toe cheese….

June 7, 2018

Books People Send Me, Installment Nine

A couple of weeks ago I loaded up all the books that people have sent me since about March and handed them off once again to the lovely Karen Bowling who runs a small library in Cache County, Utah. I’d been either tripping over the…

May 29, 2018

My yearly, gentle reminder of our collective mortality

Ever since I turned in the pages for my book just a little over a month ago I have been trying to fit in all of the shit that I purposefully sort of let fall off the edge of the earth while in the thick…

May 23, 2018

Marlo’s favorite delivery of the season

For those of you who know Marlo in real life, you know there are some pretty distinct constants about her personality. For instance, she has a really hard time being alone and the feeling of boredom to her is not unlike being burned alive—the Bible…

May 22, 2018

The age of orthodontics

Yesterday we began Marlo’s long and certain-to-be adventurous (I was going to use the adjective “WILL BE THE CAUSE OF MY PREMATURE DEATH” but I was feeling oddly generous) journey that starts with correcting her overbite with some funky ass materials sort of resembling a…

May 17, 2018

Yo Momma 2018

It is that wonderful time of year again when inboxes are full of “please consider plugging my product for free in your Mother’s Day gift guide.” The sheer volume of these emails far outnumbers those during the holiday season and I am only guessing that…

May 3, 2018

Things Eun-Seo Finds Interesting, Installment Three

For context, you can find out how Eun-Seo rescued me came into our lives here. You can also find Installment One Here, Installment Two Here “I usually don’t care much for socks, but I really like these ones. They’re kind of fun. Plus, it looks…

April 30, 2018

Shoppin’ to me ain’t fun

Last week I met my book deadline, sent it to my editor on the 18th exactly two years after running the Boston Marathon. I go into great detail in the book about how training for that marathon sent me into the worst spiral of depression…

April 23, 2018