“If a black hole can absorb light then it is stronger than light and I thought nothing traveled faster than light so please tell me how this makes any sense because I have been thinking about it all morning.” This is just one of the…
May 19, 2020
Beaver anal glands. That’s where this starts. You’re welcome. I have not figured out how to work and salvage what is left of my children — they were half-eaten by wolves, all related to the wolf who resides now in our home, we’ll get to…
May 5, 2020
I wonder when he rested his head on that pillow if he’d ever thought to himself, “What will they say about me when I die?” Even if he didn’t, I know that more than anything he’d want to be remembered for his essence, for what…
April 23, 2020
Greetings from Quarantineland®! Isn’t it so much better to endure this ongoing, agonizing, terrorizing bullshit if you just think of it as an amusement park! And, whoa, does this Lady of Perpetual Depression hate amusement parks! Sing it with me: EXCLAMATION POINTS! How much do…
April 13, 2020
I did not ask Kelly for permission to write this publicly, and, here we go already: I don’t give a fuck. She can deal with it. This ain’t nothin’ to Kelly. I mean, she’s watched me eat fried crickets. And they were delicious! It was…
March 30, 2020
The first thing I’m going to say is that what I am going to describe to you today has nothing to do with any of the news I talked about or teased yesterday while talking to those of you who joined me for Quarantine Book…
March 19, 2020
Let me start by saying that this is going to be all over the place, a fair warning to those who like to diagnose me. You’re going to have a field day with this one. A party without your pants on. I’ve got four kids…
March 16, 2020
Hi. Hello. Let’s begin with: I am one of very few people you probably know who at my age have not lost someone very close to me. I have never lost a friend or a relative unexpectedly. I have been spared that trauma for 44…
February 24, 2020
I have to remind everyone before I say anything about THIS THING THAT IS HAPPENING TO ME ALL CAPS that I left the LDS Church and all religion period because a linguistics professor at BYU made me deconstruct an essay about Ebonics. If you don’t…
February 20, 2020
Now, who would publish a Valentine’s Gift Guide not only this close to (squints eyes very narrowly, ten minutes shy of it?) Valentine’s Day but also with: PARENTS CAN WE PLEASE NOT RAISE ANOTHER BRETT KAVANAUGH. That would be me. Hi, have you met me?…
February 13, 2020
April 16, 2019. I drove Leta to school because I had a very early appointment near that part of town. Giving her a break from having to get up so early for the bus is a luxury in life I can gift to her. She’d…
February 3, 2020
What follows was dictated me to on the evening of January 19, 2020, as I sat on a plane flying home to Utah from New York City. I opened a blank text document on Pete’s computer and had no idea what was going to happen….
January 21, 2020
