the smell of my desperation has become a stench

Recent Posts

How to Annoy Me

Crank up the air conditioner in the office so high that every woman’s chest is its own PowerPoint presentation.

August 8, 2001

Chicago On My Mind and in My Hair

Residents of Chicago are fiercely proud of their winters. Not unlike survivors of natural disasters or chicken pox, these people are united in a common triumph over the most terrible of conflicts. Apparently, winters in the midwest “suck ass” or “fucking bite” or “let’s just…

August 7, 2001

Listening

The White Stripes: White Blood Cells

Reading

The Brothers, by Frederick Barthelme

How to Charm Me

Wear that great smelling deodorant, I could put my face in your armpit all day.

How to Annoy Me

Call me while I’m sleeping, and after I tell you that I’m sleeping, continue to jabber like a fucking monkey.

Thinking

My Honda of Hollywood Service Team really loves me. All they want to do is serve me better. Does your service team love you?

July 27, 2001

Listening

Saint Etienne: Fox Base Alpha

July 17, 2001

Reading

Shan’s Dissection of MTV’s Real World

How to Charm Me

Pretend not to notice that I’ve tripped over my own foot and landed headfirst into your cubicle.

How to Annoy Me

Print out something just for the specific purpose of walking behind my chair, stopping, and leaning down to smell my hair.

Thinking

I wonder if she’ll notice that I’ve taken the track ball out of her mouse, and when she finally does, will she know it’s me? Will she know I secretly yearn to have her scream and slap me silly?

July 16, 2001