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No, Seriously | dooce® dooce® » I'm Heather B. Armstrong. This is my website. » No, Seriously
  • http://www.zorblog.com Patty

    First post!

    You poor muffin.

  • http://translucent.nu Katie

    So.. *whistles* How’s the weather?

  • http://www.dooce.com dooce

    so, yeah, the weather… it’s been 40 FUCKING DEGREES everyday for the last two weeks. this is the desert, for crying out loud.

    GRUMBLE.

  • Pete

    what else was that mormon temple good for anyhow? that could silence the bird if you have the arm for it…don’t do it.

  • Valkyrie9

    I probably have a death wish for even bringing this up, but…uh…is there any chance that you might be…in a family way? Not that you sound moody or anything. Heavens, no.

  • http://www.talkingcrow.com/blog/archives/000976.php rosebaby

    breathe.

    it’s completely overwhelming to buy a house. but once the boxes are unpacked you will do the glorious happy dance with the handsome husband and the dog will settle in and you’ll walk through the neighborhood, and it will be YOUR neighborhood and you will plant stuff and mow the lawn (or not) you will play croquet with gin and tonic in hand, and you may then shoot the motherfucking bird.

  • http://home.earthlink.net/~lex.alexander/lexblog.htm Lex

    I’m with Valkyrie9 on this one. In Blog life (can’t speak for real life), you’re never this moody.

    That said, TiVo records weird things for weird reasons. In fact, if memory serves, the Wall St. Journal had an article on this a few months back titled, “What do you do if your TiVo thinks you’re gay?” I’ll see if I can find a link.

    Feel better. Another six months from now, all those boxes will be gone. Really.

    L. (who has moved 14 times in 20 years since college)

  • Clubfoot

    Dooce, baby, you need to kick back and burn one and watch some more tivo. I just re-discovered weed after 20 years away – it’s a nice escape. Anyone have a tip how I can bring a number with me on a short plane trip?

  • http://convivial.blogspot.com Heather #2

    Thank God for the Blurb. He HAS to be the only thing keeping you sane, which we all appreciate. Write if you need to. I’ll be here, renting and husbandless.

    P.S. When it gets to be too much, just think of the minister parents story. Love ya!

  • starfish

    gotta go with the trusty bunghole, clubfoot. it’s a short trip.

  • Sheila

    Keep an eye on the pooch.
    `
    When we moved, our dog wandered away. Frantic searching all day only to learn he’d ended up back at the house his former owners lived in (we’d adopted him 5 yr prior) but the neighbors couldn’t catch him.
    `
    He came back to our new house on his own…after cover what I estimate to be 25-30 miles. And looking like something the cat dragged in.

  • zak

    Take the boxes with stuff you’re never going to use anyway and either toss them out, put them in the basement or give them to charity.

    After 6 years of home ownership we finally got around to cleaning out the basement and found all kinds of memories. There were boxes that hadn’t been moved since we moved in.

    Some stuff we just couldn’t part with, other stuff we couldn’t even remember where it came from. It was tough parting with some of the memories, but it was easier than buying a house with a bigger basement.

    BTW,
    It gets easier.

  • el

    On the other hand….
    you can paint the walls any color you want because you own them and…
    Good Fellas is a great movie.

  • http://www.eleventwentyseven.com christine

    I believe that ‘TiVo thinks you’re gay’ theme was also done on an episode of “King of Queens”.

    Unpacking sucks.

  • http://www.undermine.net/tracy tracy

    Moving sucks. But at least you can paint, and don’t have to deal with the carpeting that clashes with all your furniture far more than you expected. And you have Chuck. My kitties were not mine to take, and have remained happily with the parentals. No matter how many times I ask them to climb into my purse, they refuse to be smuggled. Damn cats.

  • zchamu

    I think it’s time for an emergency whisky.

  • http://www.taliafuckingshire.com talia fucking shire

    Can’t you ever be happy, Dooce?
    Jesus.

  • bob

    whiskey is only for emergencies?

  • http://www.ardenstone.com ardenstone

    We bought our first house about a year ago, and if I recall the last thing I wanted to hear after all that painting was, “oh, but at least you can paint the rooms any color you want!”

    Still, once the dust settles and the garbage and recycling people have been called a few dozen times, there is a certain deep quiet that you just can not achieve in an apartment or housing shared with parents, etc. It’s worth it.

    Good luck with the move, it does get better.

  • todd

    Maybe I am just being thick, but why do you need TWO tivo’s in ONE home? And furthermore how can anybody afford to buy TWO tivo’s anyway? ONE unit has always suited my needs rightly. Explain yourself.

  • EC

    After 5 years, we still got boxes. That is what the 3rd bedroom was for.

  • bdk&e

    I feel your pain. But you know I feel your pain. I am watching Trading Spaces and can not move. I need some caffeine and perhaps it would help to walk over to 15th and 15th with a certain good friend so we can both decompress.

  • Clubfoot

    starfish, uh, really? hmmm…sorta re-thinking this whole weed thing. how, exactly, would one, um, utilize the bunghole, if I may ask?

  • http://www.eleventwentyseven.com christine

    Ditto on that. We moved into our new home like four years ago and STILL have unpacked boxes of crap in one of our spare bedrooms. My toddlers consider it a treasure trove and love to go searching for new crap to play with.

  • bdk&e

    Todd- Are you kidding? Two TIVOS are barely enough. For starters, When my husband wants to watch some history channel Tales of the Gun show for the billionth time, I can always go to our other TIVO and watch Road Rules/Real World Challange. And then if we had a third, the kids could go watch their favorite show, Little Bear. –Wait, what does this say about me and quality family time? Anyway…

  • http://www.penswords.com chunderchud

    Don’t sweat it. Hell, since buying our house a year ago, we’ve become white trash central for Sugar House, what with an entire basement’s infrastructure sitting in a molding pile on our driveway. I’m with bdk&e — head to 15th and 15th, get some baklava and potato harra from Mazza, think of your step father (only briefly) then go home and turn up the stereo/tv to 11. If that doesn’t bring a smile, don’t worry, it will tomorrow.

  • J

    talia etc… shire

    Dooce’s misery is exactly what makes her absolutely perfect! Moving sucks. And Dooce has captured the mood brilliantly.

    This is actually a happy post for the Dooce-meister. :)

    Keep going Dooce. One day there will be no more boxes. And Chuck will start eating pigs’ ears again.

    Eww.

  • http://www.thetrailerpark.org slackjaw

    Buing the first house wasn’t nearly as strange as when we had to go to Home Depot to buy a john for the new bathroom…

    You can pretend all you want that where your living is really a rental and not a house owned you own, but when you have to go and buy something permanent like a place to take a dump…well it just freaked me out a little, thats all.

  • http://www.thetrailerpark.org slackjaw

    I must be on crack…

    I really should take a moment to reread what I post for errors…sorry about that.

  • http://www.brochspot.com/blog Broch

    I feel your pain, and because of said pain, I just sold my motherfucking house. Of course, you have a bungalow, so I wouldn’t be quite so hasty to make the jump.

  • Traci

    We finally moved into our house about a month ago after the closing was delayed four times. That left us with no time to clean carpets, paint and tear down the hideous wallpaper before we had to move. So we’ve been doing the cleaning and decorating AROUND all the boxes and stuff that’s been unpacked looking for other stuff.

    Yeah, I feel it too.

  • http://wwwdigitalcatharsis.com the mighty jimbo

    somebody call paige davis quick! dooce needs help!

    then again, after a week like that, dooce might just beat the crap out of that perky little motherfucker.

  • http://www.jodiverse.com Jodi

    I’m waiting for someone to tell you you should be happy you even HAVE a home when there are so many homeless people out there ‘n’ all.

  • http://www.monkeys.com symbiotic monkey swimmer

    Can I ask how you and hubby afford such luxury? Aren’t you unemployed?

  • http://www.resume-templates.com resume

    I’m guessing you moved to Utah and you aren’t really excited about living there. Right?

  • http://www.peavinewinds.com/weblog/ certified

    Having recently moved into the second home, I have to agree with all who say GET RID OF THE BOXES. We moved shit we never opened after living in our other house for five years. That kind of makes you feel stupid. But is is a great feeling knowing that the local charities know your voice on the phone and will pick it all up for you.

  • http://www.dooce.com dooce

    symbiotic monkey swimmer: i have a job but have learned through a tiny little itty bitty piece of experience to NEVER TALK ABOUT IT ONLINE.

  • http://knitwitology.net/knitlog Morgan

    No job talk… I think I remember reading something about that once a while ago…

    and NO Ray Liotta? What about Goodfellas?

  • http://blab-o-rama.com Beerzie Boy

    What? Block Ray Liotta and risk missing Copland or Goodfellas? I hope you have them on DVD, at least.

  • http://thehandlebar.blogspot.com Jonathan Lamb

    Man, I bet you never seen a doublewide – some of them can be real nice.

    My brother has one with a POOL outside it.

  • http://www.geocities.com/agendadiaries matt

    What do you do to get your pictures the way they are. I am an amateur photographer, and usually just do black and white, since I can never get my color pictures to have the right look. All i have is a regular clear filter, and a regular lense, plus a teleconverter.. What all do you use? please email me

  • http://www.dooce.com dooce

    i don’t know… at least for me, watching Ray being fed his own squishy, spongy brains by another human being sort of ruins every other character he’s played, even if his performance was revelatory in Operation Dumbo Drop.

  • http://www.eddoandco.com eddeaux

    i just noticed that moron and mormon are very similar- just remove one m… this has probably been noted by countless others, but sometimes I am slow on the uptake.

    dooce- soon it will all be over and it will be worth it…

  • http://www.godtar.com Charles R. Kaiser

    You will NEVER unpack all of our boxes. Even if you grow old and die in that house there will still be unpacked boxes from your move somewhere in that house. My wife and I moved from a one beadroom apartment to my mother-in-law’s basement and then into a three bedroom house. We still have a basement that is larger than our entire apartment was that is FULL of boxes. I am still looking for a missing box of CD’s that I fear will never be found until they are all replaced at Canadian prices. Once I finally replace my copy of Chet Atkins and Mark Knolfler’s (sp?) “Neck and Neck” that damn box will make a reappearence. . .

    My wife keep talking about having a garage sale. Yeah, that just might help.

    BTW, your blog never remembers my personal info. Am _I_ doing something wrong?

  • http://www.planxi-mihi.org Ferra

    Homeownership is terrifying, but then you relax and learn the pace of things and everything feels fine–until you undertake your first remodel job. And no one remodels sensible things like spare bedrooms or libraries or potting sheds, no one remodels the rooms they use less than one-sixth of the time they spend in their house. You think “Hey! Let’s remodel the kitchen! A room we use EVERY DAY, MANY TIMES A DAY!” and you fight over stupid paint chips and tile samples and whether you should put down cork or bamboo flooring, leading to discussions of divorce before you’re EVEN MARRIED. Lord almighty.

    For the record, we went with bamboo.

  • http://alex.mauldin.com alex

    Unpacking boxes is overrated.

    Though if you did not, think of all the homeless folks who would then also be box-less. That’s assuming you’re unpacking human-sized boxes. Though homeless dogs and cats need boxes, too. And infants. But human-sized boxes, there’s where the real action is. Just ask the Mafia.

    Speaking of which, I sat near a guy who looked JUST LIKE John Gotti this past weekend. That and your Ray Liotta blast is hitting just a few too many high notes on the synchronicity symphony. Oh, that and the fact that I haven’t unpacked half the stuff from the last time I moved. Two years ago.

  • http://www.godtar.com Charles R. Kaiser

    Man do I hate the keyboard on this computer! The keys are way too close together, and it makes me miss important letters.

    I know that you will really never get to unpack “our” boxes. Although if you wnated to come up to Canada to help out. . .

  • So gay

    Here’s the link to that TiVo thinks your gay…

    http://www.mail-archive.com/
    eristocracy@merrymeet.com/
    msg00148.html

    … now sadly, my Tivo is convinced I am straight. Damn.

  • http://www.amishrobot.com Josh

    eddeaux,
    Read your comment and went to your site to read about rocket science (your comment was so insightful I expected no less), but instead I found this,
    “Humility is such an important part of being a Christian…”

    The humor was sublime. Thank you.

  • http://www.incae.edu The Inmate

    You know, for someone who recently had a hard time contending with webhosting bills, just moved to a new place, and was ranting about unemployemt less than a year ago, you sure got nice toys. How’s them priorities doing?

    I can’t wait for The American Consumerism Monster to visit MY part of the world.

Private: No, Seriously

I’m so not kidding when I say that the boxes in the masthead above are an exact representation of the state of my new home at this moment. And I’m also not kidding when I say that I’m about to lose my mind.

I’m not kidding when I say that all I want to do is sleep all day or watch old episodes of “Changing Rooms” on the new Tivo box in the bedroom or new episodes of “Ground Force” on the other new Tivo box in the living room. I’m not kidding when I say that I cried maniacally for an hour when Tivo automatically recorded Operation Dumbo Drop because it thought I might like it and when I couldn’t figure out how to tell it to NEVER RECORD ANYTHING starring Ray Liotta.

Private: No, Seriously

I’m so not kidding when I say that the boxes in the masthead above are an exact representation of the state of my new home at this moment. And I’m also not kidding when I say that I’m about to lose my mind.

I’m not kidding when I say that all I want to do is sleep all day or watch old episodes of “Changing Rooms” on the new Tivo box in the bedroom or new episodes of “Ground Force” on the other new Tivo box in the living room. I’m not kidding when I say that I cried maniacally for an hour when Tivo automatically recorded Operation Dumbo Drop because it thought I might like it and when I couldn’t figure out how to tell it to NEVER RECORD ANYTHING starring Ray Liotta.