• eco2geek

    *NO POSTING!!!!*

    *NO READING!!!!*

    *OR DANCING!!!!*


  • http://wealhtheow.diaryland.com wealhtheow

    Dooce, I simply must tell you the phrase “hot forks of displeasure” has been running around inside my head all day long, thanks to the in-fucking-competent technology I am forced to work with. I deeply wish to stab everything in sight with hot forks of displeasure, and then use said forks to put myself out of the hideous and unceasing misery in which I currently find myself. HOT FORKS OF DISPLEASURE!!! (And if ever a sentiment needs three exclamation points, that one does.) This is by way of saying thank you so much for coining the perfect phrase to desribe the hell that is my life this week.

  • http://wealhtheow.diaryland.com wealhtheow

    Oh yeah–love the shoes.

  • http://www.symphonicprose.blogspot.com The Avocado

    HAHA that’s hilarious. Was that right before the crazy neighbors stormed out with their rifles?

  • amy

    awesome and leta has her socks on!

  • Tracy

    I’m just curious as to what Beth’s neighbors are doing in there that requires so much privacy? Speculation, anyone? I vote meth lab. Or cat porn.

  • http://chickenflicken.blogspot.com Michelle

    I love that you came on here and whipped my sorry ass into shape by telling me that you do INDEED read all the crap. I’m just jealous, I don’t get a buncha good crap on my blog.

    And “sunzabitches” is the keyword that let’s me know you truly are a Southerner. I don’t doubt for a mo that Leta shouted it with aplomb.

  • hayley

    whatever you dupes, she totally photo-shopped those legs.

  • betti

    i agree, the neighbor sounds weird. to play devil’s advocate here, i have to comment on a fairly famous mormon, one of whose 7 habits of highly effective people you may remember: ‘seek first to understand, then to be understood.’ maybe this crazy lady neighbor just needs some understanding…. love your site/photos and appreciate your generosity in posting your photoshop trick ;)

  • http://ladymadaysia.blogdrive.com Amber


  • http://www.weehob.com Charmaine

    Yay for Heather! Someone else who thinks their dogs feet smell like Fritos. They totally smell like Fritos. Someone else has to think their dogs feet smell like Fritos too?

  • http://www.xanga.com/heathabee heathabee

    wow, that realtor guy sounds like a disgusting person.

    you should throw leta’s dirty diapers on his lawn. and make sure they’re the diapers that have princesses and flowers and barbies and stuff all over them. she’s a BEAUTIFUL BABY GIRL, DAMNIT! I don’t see how anyone could POSSIBLY see her as a boy!

  • http://www.dooce.com/archives/daily_photo/11_18_2004.html butterstar

    Eww, I totally don’t want to eat fritos now. :)

    And whoever made the comment about the dog poop (sorry, too lazy to go back and find out): it is so NOT the same thing! My babies couldn’t play in my yard–private property–b/c people were letting their dogs poop in it and not cleaning up after them. That’s so not right. If it’s so ok, why don’t they have their dogs poop in their own yards? There’s nothing grosser than having to wash dog doo off of every surface of your child (including in her mouth, ugh). And now that they’re older, I’m getting damn tired of having to hose off their shoes every time they play outside (and no, we don’t have one of those signs).

    People should be nicer.

    But telling people they can’t park in a public place b/c it happens to be near your property, well, that’s just plain nutty.

  • http://www.yahoo.com jin-ah

    Ya know, you almost look like a taller, thinner(!) Winona Ryder in that pic. Her status on your hubby’s site notwithstanding, that’s generally not a bad thing.

  • http://www.miserylovesfun-pany.blogspot.com Kaycee

    They have dog parks in Utah, right? They are an excellent solution to the excersizing issue… plus there’s usually some crazy people there and that’d be fun to post about.

  • lekki

    I’m pleased to see that Leta has both socks on

  • Sheryl

    Tracy: (gasp).
    K I T T Y. P o r n?
    That’s fucked up!

    Michelle, you have big hairy balls and I love you.

    Dooce. D. O. O. C. E.
    You know how your quoting of Leta on sunzabiches made me spray Boiling Hot Venti Triple Soy Latte out my nose? (Ok, maybe you’re saying – Bitch is a *lightweight* but I was bored and your comment caught me unawares)

    Ok, so I had to change and go to the dry cleaners…
    I found a $100 dollar bill on the freakin ground!!! On the way there. I looked around for the cameras like I was getting punk’d. Talk about a moment of paranoia. But I decided it was just random luck.

    That inspired me to stop by the International Pub on the way back to work, and had a shot of Cuervo gold…

    While there, I told the bartender of my find. And do you know what she said?

    She was like-what are you going to do with it that could improve upon the experience of finding it?

  • A Fan~Jinny

    You are too damn skinny, Woman. Put on some weight, will ya?

  • Carol

    Sorry, I don’t get it (and I don’t have one, mind you) but what is so terribly wrong with a driving a Lexus?

  • Sally

    It sounds like Beth needs to encourage her neighbors to move. Maybe they would like to move to Sandy.

  • http://www.infinitepink.com Christine


    Why would you even STOP to talk to this asshat? You already knew the kind of guy he is. This is like walking up to a drug dealer and getting all indignant because he tries to sell you crack.

  • Meg

    I didn’t read through all the comments so I’m sorry if I repeat something someone already said.

    When I looked at the thumbnail I thought Heather’s foot was a turkey and I thought, hah!

    Then it wasn’t a turkey, but Heather, YOU have got to be SO TALL.

    And the first thing I saw were Leta’s socks. Neon green, the brighter, the better, easier to keep track of and make sure they stay on both feet.

  • http://www.roboranch.com Stephen McKenna

    This hair situation MUST to be addressed pronto. It looks like you have a receding hair line, mullet/rat tail disaster on your head and I just can’t believe this can actually be true.

    Unbelievably sexxy legs and shoes though!

  • Danielle

    Yes, I too, thought it was a garden gnome.

    As for the parking thing, I know that in Boston, after a big snow storm, people get *funny* about the parking spot that they’ve shovelled out. They pull out collapsible lawn chairs or other household items to *save* their space while they go off to work or the mahhhhket or to the Dunkin Donuts (because they seem to dislike Stahbucks – “evil corporation!” – Oh, don’t get me started about the quirks.) Anyway, everyone has their own distinctive little chair or bucket or cone or trash can. And when questioned about this practice of attempting to save shoveled spaces… they get alllllllllllll defensive. As if it were perfectly within their right to do it.


    (you know, I _do_ appreciate how nasty it is to spend half a day digging out… but still, the attitude about it is what gets to me)

    When we lived in Cleveland, there was this neighborhood near (Little Italy-ish) where people were also *funny* about their parking space *year round*, no less. I was warned to take seriously this little policy, because my car would be keyed or window smashed if I parked in a marked spot (again, lawn chair or other handy-dandy household item).

    Just goes to show, there are crazies alllllll over.

    but Beth seems to have gotten an extra helping.

    lucky us. *ornery grin*

    perhaps tomorrow morning before I start my internet-deprived task for the day I can be almost last…. just kidding. I’m sure I’ll be 5 or 10 from last. ;-)

    btw does anyone else who watches Survivor yell at the television “you know, you stupid men wouldn’t be in this position if you hadn’t voted out all of the strong men in the beginning!” DUH!


  • http://prettycrabby.com Em

    Awesome. Jig of Defiance! You go.

  • Danielle

    uh. sorry about all of the bold. I’m still trying to figure out the asterisk thing…. I think I’ll refrain from now on.

  • Maz

    C-R-A-Z-Y neighbors – wow! I’d be freaked out – good for you dancing the little jig!!!

  • Carol

    Hoooorrraaayyyy!!! Life is good. I’m last!!

    Last post of the night. Yes, it’s me!! Me! ME!!

    Oh, wait. Shit.

  • megan

    OMG, WEEVILS! I should have been invited to that tupperware party (so what if I live in CA and you don’t know me?) because we have HAD weevils, and they are nasty, stubborn, fly-out-of-a-corner-after-you-think-you-got-them-all BASTARDS. Obvisouly, I need tupperware. And lots of it.

  • Aliesha

    How ironic that the Google ad I see is for tupperware at Amazon.

    Love the dance!

  • Karen Rani

    OMG – from the thumbnail pic, I thought you were gonna show us a pic of a rooster….I love your shoes and I covet thy legs!!

  • http://photo.saroy.net Sarah

    I love everything about this photo — the dancing, the smiling, the shoes, the jeans, and the Xterra. Love them Nissans.

  • Mo

    we had neighbors like that once. the lady would actually run out of her house and yell “WHY-ARE-YOU-PARKING-THERE!!!??” To which we would answer carefully, while backing away slowly, “because i can…?”
    its folks like that who give other crazy cat people a bad, crazy name.

  • Kay

    Good Lord, girl. You have long legs. Yay for us tall, lanky chicks.

    (P.S. I’d have to agree with Sarah – great shoes!)

  • http://www.livejournal.com/~pirate_wench_6 Sonia

    Damn, and I thought my legs were long! I mean… damn!

    Don’t those people know that “Do Not Park Here” translates to “Please Park Here Because I’m a Huge Asshole and Deserve To Be Annoyed”?

  • Carol

    Just read the link about the crazy neighbors. They seem to be in all fairness… NUTS!!

    Be careful. Ew.

    I have never thought you should fight orneryness with orneryness. I’m a lover not a fighter : )

    But cliches aside. These peole are not normal. So do as you must.

  • http://sadandbeautiful.typepad.com Sarah

    Karen Rani….I am so glad you said that about the rooster! I totally though the same exact thing, and then thought I was just a freak.
    Oh wait. I am a freak. Oh well!
    Just glad I’m not a lonely freak.
    I am Jewish, by the way…I just said I’m not a ‘good’ Jew.

  • http://deliberateserendipity.blogspot.com curiouskiwi

    I almost knocked over 2 Mormons on bicycles the other day when they crossed the street without looking.(1) But what I want to know is, do all Mormons on their mission wear black suits and ride bikes around town? Or is only the ones who come here to New Zealand?
    (1)They must be from a country that drives on the opposite side of the road.
    For Danielle, I used to live in Boston, and I used an old red milk crate to reserve my pahking spot. I left it behind when I moved to NZ. So if you see one, and you need to park your car, feel free to move it.

  • http://www.poboxalisoncoffey.com/ptg abc

    How is it that crazy people always marry crazy people? They sound like they have Parnoid Personality Disorder and they FOUND EACH OTHER. Amazing. Beth should stick a telescope at her window. that would really freak em out.

  • Sheryl

    You’re right about the Boston parking space-savers, of course.

    I think they are mainly people who’ve been here for many years. Or been other places where you feel comfortable crushing someone else’s wishes to make sure you get what you want. I mean there is a certain self-preservation here that is native, admirable in some respects and brutal in others.

    A self-preservation that extends to your parking space on the street. To your kid at peewee football or hockey. It’s deadly serious for some people.

    [What to do with this $100 bill? I'm trying to dream up something]

  • http://whereitends.typepad.com Liz

    Way to piss off the neighbors! Yay!

  • http://kiwi-kath.diaryland.com kath

    Dooce, you’re adorable.

    Melba, are you under the impression that a TRUCK is not a gas guzzler? You see, someone who calls their SUV a “car” might be pretending to pass it off as not being a gas guzzler, but not someone who (correctly, by the way) refers to it as a “truck”.

  • beachgal

    I want to know more about those shoes! I’m trying to enlarge the picture, to get a better look, but it’s not working!! Please…show a larger picture of the shoes!

  • Tracy

    Sheryl – congratulations on the C-note from Heaven!

  • Heather 2

    I would start visiting Beth more often, with the main purpose being to park in front of their tree. They’re TOTALLY asking for it.

  • Dipali

    Uma Thurman ! Dooce does looks like Uma Thurman ! I was watching Kill Bill 2 the other day and remmebered dooce..though Ive never seen her..
    Do we remember people we dont see..
    I hope we do..else it would make me sound creepy..which Im totally not !

  • http://missdomestic Paige

    I think it’s much more awesome to be LAST LAST OMG I’M LAST WOO HOO I was doing other things, then saw a post, and holy crap, I’M LAST!

    P.S. I’d leave the truck there all friggin’ night. Maybe even sleep in it. Then just wave to the crazy people when they look at you through the windows. Yep.

  • Dipali

    And Im going to be the last comment on this post… yay !!

  • http://cheapblueguitar.blogspot.com The Other Brian

    Fighting ornery with ornery rocks!

  • GirlA

    Bedtime story.

    Dirty Deeds – Done With Sheep

    If you’re having trouble with your barnyard friends
    You’ve got a thing for Ewweees
    Been counting sheep
    But your not in bed
    Here’s what you gotta do

    Get off the barn
    Stay off the Farm
    Go read a nursery rhyme
    Dialing 976 B-A-A-A
    That kind of love’s a crime

    Dirty Deeds done with sheep
    Dirty Deeds Little Bo Peep
    Dirty Deeds done with sheep
    Dirty Deeds and they’re done with Sheep *baaa*
    Dirty Deeds and they’re done with sheep *baaa*

    My friend, Larry, has a little lamb
    Her fleece is as white as snow
    He keeps bragging ’bout her night and day
    Someone should tell him “no”
    Look at the flock, they’re all in shock
    Here comes that mutton fan
    Knock at the fleece, give them some peace
    Don’t be a Barnyard Man, No

    Dirty Deeds done with sheep
    Dirty Deeds Little Boe Peep
    Dirty Deeds done with sheep
    Dirty Deeds and they’re done with Sheep *baaa*
    Dirty Deeds and they’re done with sheep *baaa*

    Velcro Gloves, Knee Pads, Late Night Dates
    Warning Signs, Electric Fences, *baa* High Voltage

    Dirty Deeds
    Don’t tell them what I done to you
    Done with sheep
    Dirty Deeds
    Dirty Deeds
    Done with Sheep *loud groan/yell*

    *baa, Baa*

    Quiet Cows… I think the Shepards coming