Beer hickey

This is our bud, Shan, who blushes everytime he drinks a sip or two of a beer. That is just too cute. His birthday was yesterday and I forgot to wish him HAPPY NUMBER 30! We love you, Shan. Can’t wait for the wedding.

(Note: I am going to open up comments, but here are today’s rules: 1) If you say ANYTHING about my daughter and her motor development I will delete your comment, and 2) LISTEN TO GOD.)

  • http://holyschmidt.blogspot.com Melanie S.

    Third? I’m never this close to the top.

    Anyway! Poor guy. I do the same thing when I drink rum.

  • http://www.danielleblog.com Danielle

    Oh Cate,

    I don’t know how you did it with your comment… but suddenly I had Kenny’s voice (I think?)
    singing in my head

    “Truly, truly in love with you girl…”

    uh oh.

    Better pull out ABBA Gold before my head is stuck again.

    Whack-A-Mole, so glad you like that, MGA. Do you like skeeball too?

  • http://nabbalicious.blogspot.com Heather

    He looks ready to cry!

  • Julie

    My dad used to have a bunch of Kenny Rogers tapes (yeah, tapes – eight tracks, even!) and when I was little I used to be so confused as to how on earth a woman could have 400 children:

    ‘You picked a fine time to leave me, Lucille
    With 400 children and a crop in the field…’

    It’s funny what kids ‘hear.’

  • James

    He looks like someone’s been beating him. Is it you? IS IT YOU?

  • http://someadventure.blogspot.com Girl.A

    :: Winking boisterously at Marti ::

    To quote Miss Piggy:
    “I’m pink, therefore I’m ham”

    Thank you Amanda B for defending my honor, but seems like they have a problem with God and not the ham-o-sexual that is Girl.A.

  • ashly

    Even with that weak Utah beer?

  • http://Okie Okie

    Someone quick, get this man a frozen spoon…. Amen

  • Jason

    I was excited when my first son began to crawl. Big mistake. Next came a brother. Two mobile little boys under the age of 3 is trouble. Can you say PB and J in the CD player?

  • RazDreams

    Amanda B.: What’s a “Doo-chay”???

  • http://somethingalways.blogspot.com shannon

    i’m assuming shan is irish … because when i toss a few back my irish cheeks turn red. but i hate ass-u-me-ing.

  • http://www.veryzen.blogspot.com Amanda B.

    No Cate, that was totally my bad. Sorry! I was just being defensive because the big G.O.D. is coming after me with firey ass torture.

    Let’s blame HIM.

  • http://thehoneybunny.blogspot.com/ Honey Bunny

    so weird.

    i have a friend who is just as adorable as Shan and he gets beer hickies too! how can you NOT find that cute?

    mmm…love the beard!

  • Lori

    I really wish my brain was working well enough to sort through the science dorkiness of the “asian flush” explanation. Because I would love to be able to spout that off drunk.

  • no2

    ouch, that looks painful!

  • http://www.veryzen.blogspot.com Amanda B.

    I know, I was just telling Metro that I jumped the gun on the Pooka there.

    Sorry Cate.

  • http://chronicling.diaryland.com alyssa

    wow i am quick today.

  • http://dirtyfloorsandfilthyjokes.blogspot.com/ closet metro

    Marti, if you’re a girl, then I’ll try to pick you up too.

    “Hey.”

    (sorry, that’s all I got. I’m no good at this.)

  • Cate

    Amanda B – Yikes! I wasn’t dissing anyone, I promise. Just poking at MGA for getting all fiery up my butt for some innocent Kenny Rogers comment. Truly, I had no other motivation (on the original comment) than to give my two cents on Kenny and (on the second) to give a jab at MGA, because I really am a Recovering Mormon living in Utah, and those darn GA’s can get on my nerves!

  • http://www.knottyyarn.com Alaska Danielle

    That’s funny. I would be laughing harder, but he looks so sad.

  • Danika

    By GA I believe Cate meant General Authority and not Girl A.

  • cottoncandygirl

    yeast allergy? Maybe he should have yogurt before drinking.

  • Liz

    zzzzzzzzz….

  • Marti

    You all are so wrong. I think the comments were shut off because of the relationship developing between GirlA and me. It had lesbian overtones or ham overtones. Something like that.

  • maggie

    So way back in school we learned how the human body metabolizes alcohol–basically there’s a crucial step done by an enzyme called ‘acetaldehyde dehydrogenase’ that converts a toxic metabolite (acetaldehyde) to a nontoxic one (acetic acid–a.k.a. vinegar). Basically, when this enzyme isn’t present in large enough amounts due to normal genetic variation, the toxin accumulates while it is awaiting breakdown by the enzymes that are available, and causes flushing. The flushing goes away eventually when the enzymes have time to convert all the toxin. The enzyme deficiency is most common in people of Asian descent, which accounts for “Asian flush” in some people after drinking, but can be found in any other peoples. Anyway, those with a complete lack of the enzyme cannot tolerate any alcohol and usually avoid it completely because they vomit after ingesting very small amounts.

    Anyway, I hope my explanation didn’t take too much fun out of the beer hickeys, but I felt a need to share a piece of otherwise useless knowledge I have managed to commit to memory. Feel free to use this tidbit at your next cocktail party, and if anyone looks at you funny and as if you were a huge geek, welcome to my world.

  • http://www.veryzen.blogspot.com Amanda B.

    Cate- wait, are we dissing Girl A.?
    Do you need a nice Pookaing? Let’s not do that.

  • http://www.mycircuslifeblogspot.com Circus Kelli

    Jebadiah was a bull frog
    Was a good friend of mine

  • Cate

    Dear MORMON GENERAL AUTHORITY:

    Sorry to tell ya – I don’t listen to what the GA’s have to say anymore. (And really, it’s not so much that I love Kenny Rogers, just thought I’d contribute something to a topic other than childhood development or supposed egotism. So my motives were pure, you might say, and doesn’t that count for something?)

    Cate
    Heathen, Recovering Mormon

  • God
  • http://someadventure.blogspot.com Girl.A

    LALALALALALALALA
    I can’t heeeeeeeeeeeeeear you MGA

    Ya gotta know when ta walk away
    And know when ta run

  • http://nathanlogan.com Nathan Logan

    Holly and user,

    Sorry to disappoint.

    That is all.

  • http://www.cumpy@comcast.net user friendly

    Last?, Could I Possibly be?

    Dooce, Your blog makes me laugh!
    Thanks.

  • http://aredeaf.blogspot.com Coelecanth

    Listen to God? How can I not? After 3 calls to the super and one to the cops he still won’t turn down that friggin’ stereo! I mean, deity or not, no one needs to hear Blowin’ in the Wind 37 times.

  • Holly

    Last? Could I possibly be?

    Dooce, Your blog makes me laugh, Thanks!

  • http://desperateworkingmommas.blogspot.com/ cat, again

    Dsicreetly! No! Discreetly! Goooosh!

  • http://desperateworkingmommas.blogspot.com/ cat, feeling the OCD

    Discretely?
    Anyway, ew.

  • http://thefathousewife.blogspot.com/ Mrs.Strizzay

    hey Kenny,

    How come your beard is white but your hair is brown? Does the carpet match the curtains?

  • http://desperateworkingmommas.blogspot.com/ cat

    Um, I like the ring. In the picture. It’s perty.

    Oh, and hickeys = ew. Unless they are strategically and dicreetly placed, of course. Beer hickeys are too arbitrary that way. Bummer.

  • http://www.mycircuslife.blogspot.com Circus Kelli

    Can’t liquify what ain’t there to begin with…

  • http://www.delafont.com/music_acts/Music_Images/k-rogers1.jpg Kenny Rogers

    You can say you don’t like my music. You can make fun of my chicken.

    But don’t call me Kenny muthafuckin LOGGINS!

    Where’s my gd whiskey?

  • annelise

    god, are you out there it’s me annelise. hahahahaha…

    i never knew god had a computer. god rocks.

    GOD. YOU ROCK.

    as does heather b. armstrong.

  • http://sadandbeautiful.typepad.com Sarah

    DEAR GOD,

    THANK YOU FOR CEASING THE KENNY LOGGINS QUOTING PARTY.

    Let’s get back to quoting Simpsons things like that. LOVE that Jebus episode. “But I don’t even believe in Jebus!”

  • http://www.veryzen.blogspot.com Amanda B.

    See. This is what’s wrong with the world today.

    “They don’t know. They don’t show. They just don’t care what’s goin’ on with the Gambler.”

    Barry Manilow is a fucknose. I hate that bastard.

  • http://www.rondavirant.com honda ronda

    Drinking makes me feel funny.

    It’s off to the the liquor cabinet I go! or to work, whatever.

  • http://amusingmyselfdaily.blogspot.com/ Molly

    Ack! the same thing happens to me! More so with Wine and brandy though.. rum.. pretty much anything that has the potential to be fruity or sugary..

    Have a great day!

  • http://thefathousewife.blogspot.com/ Mrs.Strizzay

    Jeb. WTF kinda name is Jeb?? I hope it is short for Jebadiah….and even then. *eye roll*

  • annelise

    yikes melanie s.

    i once knew a girl who slipped – open legged – onto the track for the sliding shower doors. the thought just makes my bum hurt…

    garden gnomes with rosacea sound totally cool. drunken garden gomes at that – whoo-hoo!

  • http://www.betterdayscrafts.com andrea

    Hee hee, “doocelings” — I love it!

  • victoria

    If we’re not commenting on your daughter’s development, is it open season on your body, your parenting, your habits in disciplining Chuck, & your ability to discern when you’re being hit on?

    You have really thick skin, Heather. I would lose it over many of the comments/emails you get but they largely seem to leave you unfazed.

  • http://iamwhoam.blogspot.com Mormon General Authority

    KENNY ROGERS LOVING ASS-MONKEYS, THIS IS GOD. HERE IS A LIST OF THOSE KENNY DISCIPLES WHO WILL HAVE A RED-HOT LUMP OF BRIMSTONE SHOVED UP THEIR ASSES SO FAR THAT IT LIQUIFIES THEIR BRAINS FOR THEIR INSOLENCE:

    SUSIE
    GIRL.A
    AMANDA B
    CIRCUSKELLI
    CATE

    THOU SHALT HAVE NO OTHER GODS BESIDES ME, MOTHER FUCKERS.

    THAT IS ALL.