The dude with the glasses ripped it on the slopes

  • Beth

    Dude, I wanna go. I’ve never been skiing or anything. Though, I’d probably just wind up in a chalet somewhere drinking hot chocolate!

  • U.B.

    Man, I live less than 2 hours from a place I could snowboard with my kids (while they’re still young that the doofus genes have yet to take hold of them). What a great post — makes me want to head to the hill.

    *Totally* relate the the frustration part of it! I still vividly remember learning how to ski more than 20 years ago and hating everyone around me because it made no sense. Wound up loving it though.

    What a fun date for you and Jon. :)

  • “Troll” The Trained Monkey

    I would but my good hand is caught in a condiment bottle.

  • amberlyn

    so, these skiing photos kind of ook me out a little. my friend just went skiing (well, a few weeks ago) and he hit a tree and broke his neck. they say he’ll be okay (after 4 surgeries), but he had a severe injury to his head called DEGLOVING. i’d never heard that before, but *shudder* i bet that’s one thing you never want in life: to have your head degloved.

  • Ern

    Seriously, kid skiiers have NO FEAR (just like the shirts say.) Maybe it is because they fall from a height of a couple of feet, but when I fall it is like a slow motion scene in a movie where the giant is tumbling…way…down…to earth…from the clouds. And then hits the ground with a reverberating crash that sends powder and skiiers and maybe even the pine trees flying.

  • Closet Metro

    Niffer – No big bank account – I’m stinking unemployed.

  • cb

    Organic milk is $5.something a gallon here. We only buy that ever since our teen son started getting painful swellings under his nipples that the pediatrician said could be the result of excess estrogen-like hormones in food and water. Talking with other moms, I found out that some of my kids’ girl friends had their first periods at 9! We went to organic dairy and filtered water, pay more, but no boy boobies here.

  • Annejelynn

    Upon visualizing an utterly thrilled and now totally-snowboarding-hooked-Heather, yelling “AGAIN” – girl, you are soo cute!.

  • Mrs.Strizzay

    Bucky, after that the question is was the bottle half full or half empty.

  • Southern Fried Girl

    Wow, talk about being early today. Here it is only 8:45 and I am like way down the line. Goodness. :) Here’s to everyone having a better day than I did yesterday.

  • Susie

    Katiebbaw, I am so intrigued by your gift. After the Montel Show, you could get your own TV show, like “Ass Medium,” where you help solve toilet-related crimes. I would watch.

  • “Troll” the Trained Monkey

    Since everyone is talking about me, I thought I would take back my name. Oh, by the way, I work for peanuts not ass pictures. And in this industry, Leta is just way too far out of our league to be referred to as a Trained Monkey. She has mastered the art of “coy”…many of us trained monkeys can’t even reach “charming”. So no worries about Leta ever being a trained monkey. Other than that, I think that most of this is meant in jest…I highly doubt Heather would make her daughter perform circus tricks for the audience. Ease up…even if the request was in bad taste. [however some A-1 might make it more palatable]

  • heidillydoo

    gaseous anal explosion

  • Goose

    Wow, Heather. I had almost the exact same thing happen to me the first time I went skiing and am terrified of going again for fear of killing children/small animals/MY SKI INSTRUCTOR (large animals are totally ok to kill though). But you inspired me to confront my depression, so maybe I’ll get up the nerve one day to try again. Or not.
    Thanks again for your courage and generosity in sharing your life with us. May you find your version of God wherever you look.

  • Mrs.Strizzay

    Wait, you don’t want Ibm induced cancers?

  • Amanda B.

    Wow. That dude is badass. I could never pull off that hat/shades combo.

    I had to drink goat’s milk as a child and I have to say, it’s awful. It’s like milk that’s been sitting on the counter for a day or so, and sombody decided the way to fix that problem was to heavily dilute it with water. ackackack.

    What happened to Paris this time?

  • TexaRican

    Ah…looks likes it’s ass o’clock at the La Dooce’s!

    I have the opposite problem. My mother freaking trained me so that I can’t go but like 30 minutes after a meal without…making a contribution.

  • Mrs.Strizzay

    Hey “Troll”, go spank yourself.

  • smacks

    Farts. Does a body good. Got Fart?

  • saralynnmo

    yeah, and it’s so sad. he’s so great other than that.

  • that-andrea

    Neat! I like Endicott, except for the major environmental pollution and all.

  • Closet Metro

    I hope that he “ripped it” as a great skiier or boarder, not as a guy who shouldn’t have had the chili for lunch. Old guys that are good skiiers/boarders are cool. Old guys with bad gas are just funny.

  • saralynnmo

    OK, you guys enjoy your poop talk. I’m going to bed since it’s almost midnight here…
    Tomorrow is Self-portrait Wednesday, right?

  • Mrs.Strizzay

    Amanda B you need to come work with me. We ass smack. I actually brought one girl to her KNEES!!

    *evil laughter*

    But it made my hand hurt.

  • dv

    So funny.
    A while ago the comments were:
    Then it turned out they were 8th or something
    People are more carefull these days…

    By the way, are black red and blue the only colors allowed when skying?

  • cathi

    Sleep well, saralynnmo.

  • Mrs.Strizzay

    I am from here but i lived in Bing Hampton for almost 2 years. We lived in Endicott and then right off court street next to some Italian Restaurant and a CVS and a Giant. My daughter went to Calvin Coolidge.

  • Gooooder

    those glasses are awesome.

    you should make bearded armstrong wear cop glasses on the slopes, he’d blind people with the snow reflection on them!

  • Julianne

    excellent post dooce – that is exactly how my one and only time snowboarding went. when i hit the lottery i plan on going again.

  • Bucky Four-Eyes

    Whoa, I just can’t enough front-page ass!

    And I can’t tell you how glad I am that we’re back on the A1 again.
    I still want to know:
    Heather. Darlin’. With the A1 thing — lid on or lid off?

  • Shmee

    Speaking of farts, my DH let one rip this morning. It was so load that I heard it even though I was downstairs, with two sets of doors closed between myself and the stairs.

  • Mamaramma

    Re: saving up poop. I knew a guy awhile back who had to have a major enema at the hospital for whatever reason, and lost over 5 pounds of poop. He said he felt great afterwards. I’ve always kind of wanted to get a professional enema after hearing that, but haven’t brought myself to that… yet!

  • Amanda B.

    Cheez whiz only gets me going. Reeeow.

    You could just spank me, I haaate that. ;)

    Girl A.- It’s ok, I can wait till you build up your strength again.

  • heidillydoo

    Hey everyone! Dooce, when you say he ripped it on the slopes, you mean he was good, right? Not that he was farting? Just after reading comment #84, I wasn’t too sure anymore.

  • Mamaramma

    saralynnmo – Unless you have A LOT going for you, I think you should be in a committed relationship before you bring out the poop talk. I love poop, but I wouldn’t want to date a guy if that was my first impression of him.

  • Mrs.Strizzay

    That Andrea..your store is near that Giants near a CVS?

  • RazDreams

    there’s a website where you can submit short-story entries for a random photo. my submission for this photo would be that jacques (the glasses guy) is a spy following red-and-blue couple, trying to catch them in a secret “snow” (drug) deal that’s about to go down. red-and-blue couple end up stabbing jacques on the slopes with their ski pools, and the heavy storm buries his body until spring. bring it!

  • dorrie

    What? There’s no santa?

  • that-andrea

    It’s near an Eckerd…
    Where the fronk are you from, StrizWhiz?

  • Dr. Johnny Fever

    When you say “ripped it,” do you mean he was a good skier or that he unleashed a big fart?

  • Dang Cold..

    I hear you loud and clear heather. I mentioned yesterday I married into a family of skiers and I’m the lame tiny tim that sits in the lodge by himself and reads most of the time. Children danced around me when I tried it a few weeks back. I’m told that if you don’t learn it as a child its very difficult to get into it as an adult and it’ll take a fair amount of determination to get proficient. It sounds like you got the hang of it. Nicely done :D

  • that-andrea

    Okay, maybe some of that fancy port wine cheese stuff.

  • smacks

    Old man gas. Delish.

  • Ern

    Actually if saralynnmo is still here, self-portrait day has moved to Thursdays.

  • Andrea in Canada

    that Andrea…I’m surfing your online store and LOVE your stuff…especially your clothing…gotta.order.something!

    this andrea:)

  • Katie-be-bored-at-work

    I don’t know about Eugene Levy. I think he resembles the late Walter Mathau. I bet those Grumpy Old Men really knew how to rip it.

  • saralynnmo

    I know a guy who can’t get a date, and I theorize that it’s because he overuses the word poop- in conversation, email and on his livejournal. Is this truly an unattractive word or is it just me being picky?

  • that-andrea

    Niffer, you wrestle her to the ground, I’ll bring the cheeze whiz.

  • squish

    I was looking at Jon’s photos at Blurbomat.

    I like them, but Jon, keep your eyes on the road and your hands upon the wheel!

    Wasn’t that a Doors song?

  • Ern

    Poop, poop, poopity schmoopity poopy doop! POOP EVERLASTING!