SLC silhouette

Heather — you wrote “monkey butler”

Huh huh huh

(Amanda B is soooo gonna fire me again for that one. Or honk my boobs.)

OMG you people have me making horrible noises trying not to laugh here at work! A room full of people trying to take tests for jobs and I’m snorting and giggling – nice and professional-like. LMFAO

okay – embarassing moment:

Fishing/Camping trip to a BEAUTIFUL lake in early April…some years ago. I brought for my drinking pleasure a new liquer called “99 Bananas,” so named due to its high alcohol (99 proof or 49.5% by volume) content and its taste. OOOHHHH I loved me some bananas that night! So I consumed about 85 of the available 99 bananas with slices of lime as chaser (yummy)…but I only remember about 40 of the bananas.

I remember waking in the middle of the night, having urinated all over myself and the air mattress & my boyfriend shouting, THAT’s DISGUSTING – GET OUT OF HERE (meaning the tent). After that, nothing…til I woke up naked, with sticky hair (I thought I had vomited in my sleep – ugh!) and reeking of nasty…pee.

Everyone watched me haul everything out of the tent and drag it down to the shore to wash it off…and even worse:

from one person after another (and there were about 75 people on this trip, ranging from good friends to acquaintences to friends-of-friends-to complete strangers:

“I didn’t know you had that many tattoos!” (Only ONE of FOUR is visible in my bathing suit – and to see all four – BIRTHDAY SUIT REQUIRED!)

From three different people – “XXX (boyfriend) sure was ticked at you last night…if he had done that to me, I would dump his sorry ass…” (Done WHAT??? I Couldn’t Remember Anything Dump-Worthy! When I said, excuse me? one woman told me that XXX had taken the bottle of 99 bananas and poured the last 14 bananas all over my hair.)

“MyChelle, don’t take this the wrong way, but you really should see someone about your problem…”

Um, embarrassing – yeah. And to this day, I am not sure how I got naked and how everyone (yes, everyone) saw me that way…You think I woulda been about 18 at the time, but I got a late liquor start – this was only 2 years ago…I was 29 at the time, but apparently had not yet grown into any common sense. So last year at this annual event, the same crowd was kind enough to gift me with bottles of 99 Apples and 99 Cherries to see if they had the same impact on me.

Top that!

Hello – I tried to post earlier and couldn’t get through: ” MeREDith! I love your story – hilarious – you should get it copywritten before someone makes a lot of money off of it!” But reading the last post- I hope those other fruits did not have the same effect on you. So, did you dump him?

Oh, god. These stories are great. You poor people. I hope everyone has recovered from their respective mortification.

So now Leta has chicken pox? I hated chicken pox. I am still telling on you. Does ANYONE have God’s cell phone number? I will pay money for it.

I don’t know mamaramma, with a name like ‘XXX’, might have to consider keepin him.

So DID you dump him??? LOL!!!

greenthumb – see, I interpreted the XXX to be a kind of blight on his character – or like the sign of a doofus: you know how they always put XXX over cartoon character’s eyes when there’s nothing going on behind them?

I guess we’ll never know.

Mamaramma -

I did not dump him – my best girlfriend (also witness to the entire evening and that particular exchange and a recovering alcoholic (18 years and counting)) assured me that he was exasperated and literally pushed to his limit, ie he was not EVIL and ABUSIVE, I WAS the EVIL one at the time. She also will not reveal the details of naked part of the story (which I have blacked out apparently to protect myself from my own memories), except to say that XXX had gotten me out of the pee-soaked clothes and I decided I still wanted to party. Hmmmm. I won’t press for answers on that one! Good girlfriend I have…and no, she doesn’t think I am an alcoholic, either. I learned my lesson!

XXX is to protect the innocent – I know my sis and cousin read dooce occasionally and I wouldn’t want them to connect me to he by his unusual name…there are enough michelles in the world (and on this board) that I figure they’d overlook the post as something SO OUT OF CHARACTER for me…and if they do…I know their respective most embarassing moments to spill.

All – have a good night – I’m off to a business dinner and a single glass (not bottle) of wine.

TTFN!

Far be it for me to tell a mother she’s deciphering her child’s language incorrectly – but hell I’ll do it anyway. Every indication from that story is that she is in fact saying “Let’s Go!”. Smart cookie.

Loved the Leego post. I think she’s just lovin’ her name. And she’s owning her power, by invoking her own name when she wants to make something happen. But that’s just me.

Heather,

When my son was learning to speak, he called my sisters “P.P.” and “Beepah”. You can imagine the hours of sheer hell we had to listen to when he saw a picture of one of them or when it was one of the only words he could remember!

OK, so I really want to do this blog thing now. I want to jump on this blog-bandwagon that Heather has started. Where can I do one for free where I can also post photos? Is that possible? I know a teeny bit about HTML, but not much.

AndreaBT: I am on eblogger….just click on my name and then click on e-blog icon for info…..I didn’t set it up, but it seems pretty easy.

Burdanilex, please tell me you’re not from Maryland and around 22 years old now… A math teacher I worked with had an 8th grader who would sit on her foot and rock back and forth during class. Everyone knew what she was doing.

My daughter, whose name is Julia, calls herself Jeejah, which sounds conspicuously like Boobah. I’m telling you, those little fuckers are taking over.

I love Leego. She is funny, especially the fact that she whimpers her name when she’s upset. That’s just too cute.

Bucky- Honk Honk.

Manda B, I only wanna be with you oo oooooooooooooooh!

I am jealous. Do you know I took a pic of the Nashville skyline and only like 1 little building seemed to poke up. You guys have more than we do and it snows there all the time. WTF?

dooce and i are like, tight, man. we are N SYNC, and i mean that in the gay (but i love them, especially justin) way.

why?

BECAUSE! in my post, from like three days ago, i used the “leggo my eggo” phrase!

creative, comedic genius!

not really.

i’m so bored.

OK, it’s late – but I just thought of one!

It was a few years ago, I was in a crowded neighborhood southside Chicago bar (not the highest class joing) and as I was coming out of the bathroom, a guy kept shouting at me “hey lady!”…I thought he was just trying to hit on me so I ignored him, despite several attempts on his part to get my attention. When I got back to my table, he actually walked up to me and said, “I just wanted to let you know that you have toilet paper stuck to your shoe”

Sure enough, attached to my right stilleto heel was a 8 foot long sheet of toilet paper.

And then, the realization that this guy didn’t really want me…he was just being nice.

I felt like such a bitch.

tis tiny!

Leta GO!!! You GO, girl! GO, Leta, GO! Leeeego!

My daughter, whose name is Molly, used to say ‘Mah-ee go’ when she wanted to go somewhere. It came out ‘my ego’. Turned out to be an omen…

Ew, chicken pox!! Sorry Leta! I don’t know if it’s this way anymore, but when I was a kid they told my parents that if your kid doesn’t get a severe enough case, then they could get them again. Mine was very mild, so in theory, I could get them again.