• Bitter Betty

    I’m sorry the world is full of fuckers. And I’m sorry good people like you guys encounter them all too often. I know you’ll recover from this. You just need about 100 Silkwood showers and some motherfucking candy.

  • http://kamami3.blogspot.com Pascha

    And please stop blaming yourself. I obviously don’t know the details of what’a going on, but I’d bet anything that Jon does not blame you, but is incredibly greatful that you were there the entire time. Now go eat your cake. :)

  • http://www.vwsista.blogspot.com vwsista

    Aw Heather, I’m so very sorry.

    I hope you feel better real soon.

  • http://www.noverb.com Joceline

    Heather, I’m sorry for all you’ve been through. My parents were sued last year for leaving their former company and starting their own (gasp!), and I have seen the stress, fear, and sheer panic that it can cause. Please, try to relax and breathe deeply and move on now that it is over. I hope you are okay.

  • http://sisuliz.typepad.com SisuLiz

    You deserve to have your cake and eat it too. Enjoy every morsel and let the past be the past. There are too many great cakes and Leta smiles to come in the future.

  • molly_g

    Heather, it sounds like you’ve joined in the league with Oprah and other powerful folks that get sued for slander every time they offer up a preference that would put marketing exec’s panties in a twist. Congrats!

    Oh, and please do not stop doing what you do. I love to read about your feelings.

  • http://sydneys_shadow.blogspot.com SydneyDawn

    I’m sorry things have been so rough for you lately. I do hope this is the end of it and you’re able to move on.

    Go have a huge piece of cake, you deserve it.

  • http://deliciouslytormented.blogspot.com DeliciouslyTormented


    I have no words. I am sorry that your family has lived this experience. I can only send you my prayers, and best wishes.

  • http://johnsloas.typepad.com/crooked_line/ John Sloas

    I’m in your corner. Take care.

  • jodiw

    That’s what family is for, Heather! They love us even when we make them sick! And you’d be the rock for John and Leta if they needed you to be, too. I’m so sorry you’ve had to go through all of this. Now stick it to the man!

  • Laurabelle

    We’re all pulling for you, Heather. Your feelings are a part of my daily web browsing, and this is a great opportunity to thank you for sharing them. My day wouldn’t be the same without your humor and insights. And thanks for voicing the truth about black licorice. I can only hope my son will hate it like I do. Hang in there, and try to focus on the good vibes coming your way, and not the evil ones from those people, whoever they are. I’m sending you double-chocolate frosted vibes right now.

  • http://www.premise.blogspot.com Kari

    That pisses me off. Without knowing any of the circumstances of the case…but it’s not fair. It’s not fair that you should have been punished for blogging about your job (even if it did make you famous) and it’s not fair that you’d be punished for writing about your feelings. (I’m only assuming the suit had something to do with your blog).

    I’m so impressed and entertained by the level of personal detail you are willing to share with the Internet, and I hate the idea of your ever being bullied away from your blog again. I wish I could be as honest on my blog, and you’re supposed to be the inspiration that allows me to open up more.

    Damn them lawyers.

    Please don’t go away.

  • http://www.kerrianne.org kerri

    Ug. I’m sorry the past few months have been so stressful. I think a detoxifying chocolate-cake-binge is just what the doctor ordered. Hang in there, Armstrongs.

  • http://sparkgrrl658.livejournal.com/profile stephanie

    if i could send you chocolate cake, i would. but if i were you, i wouldn’t eat chocolate cake sent by a stranger on the internet. even if you were feeling crappy and it was really good. so i’ll just hope jon brings you some.

    i don’t know. this morning my boss gave me a ‘talking to’ [hardly, except that i've never been told at a job that i've done something wrong] and i nearly burst into tears. i can’t imagine how i would be holding up if something that actually mattered exploded in my face.

    from what i can tell, you’re a pretty strong lady. keep it up. and if you can’t keep it up, i’ll tell you what i tell my best friend what she needs to hear whenever she needs to hear it, which is pretty often – keep it up for your daughter. i know you will.

  • http://www.willotoons.com willo

    Hey Heather! I’m SO sorry to hear that this has been going on. Gawd, no wonder you’ve been slipping into a deep dark place – the legal system is like Dante’s Inferno: The worst kind of hell. But I’m really happy to hear that you’re out – it’s done! Boy you must have had one helluva stiff drink to celebrate that one!

    You are sooo strong. I’m proud of you. I read your every post and know you have thousands of other friends out there rootin’ for you & your awesome little family. Life totally sucks in so many ways and is breathtakingly phenomenal in so many others. Stay strong and count your blessings. I’m sending you a big hug. xoxo

  • http://www.mycrazylife.com mary

    Losing your faith in the legal system is like finding out your father isn’t Superman. It sucks, I’ve been there and I wish you all the best.

  • itsadaisy

    Well no wonder you are feeling the way you did a couple years ago. Banging your head against our legal system is enough to fry anyone’s brain chemistry. For what it’s worth, if you lived next door, I’d bake you a chocolate cake every day until you felt better. Don’t go anywhere without us, please.

  • http://p-inkjeans.livejournal.com Lindsay

    Sending good thoughts your way. I hope everything works out and things start getting better.

  • http://starshinereport.blogspot.com Star Shine

    Oh, Heather, I’m so sorry that you guys have had to go through this. I’m glad you can finally write about your feelings, as that is one of the most cathartic things you can do, especially being a writer.

    Please know, that there are lots of people out here (like me) who look forward to reading the things you have to say every day. You are a part of my day each day, and I am grateful to you for how you brighten it just by being you on your blog.

  • Aaron Potts

    Heather – If it helps your lawyers to sleep at night, you did a great job of keeping this under wraps. I’m glad that you are on the other side of it, and I’m sure that things will start the ascent now. All of my best to you and your family.

  • Skippy

    sometimes when things feel overwhelming, it helps me to count my blessings. You have a sweet, healthy daughter, a loving husband, and an addictive personality. money causing stress will always be a constant. But from what i can tell, with the things that really matter, you are very rich indeed.

  • http://www.jbjones.blogspot.com Mrs Ca

    I’m so sorry you’re going through this. But congratulations on having made it through. I can’t imagine how tough it must be, but you did it, and that’s something to be proud of.

  • fridaynightgirl

    What an awful thing! I second the notion that your story makes me desire nothing more than to jump up and down, pull at my hair and spew obscenities but, alas, I am at the office and I believe it is against company policy.

    I am so glad you came through it and are now on the other side. I am thinking of you today and hoping that sunny days will find you. Very. Soon.

  • http://www.nortonink.com/weblog/ kerewin

    After reading what you put here it sounds as if you were very circumspect.

    I am just blown away by this, I knew you could get sued for signing a contract and then not following through but to NOT sign a contract. It makes me want to swear big sweary words. It does sound like they were punishing you because they could.

    You have put up a brave front and I admire you for it. I am sorry for all that you and your family has had to go through to payoff someone’s whim. I am sure that all of your readers (ok, most) are sending you good thoughts and wishes. I, myself, am hoping that instant karma comes to call on Unnamed Litigious Jerks as well as sending you good thoughts. Chin up! Hopefully we can help prop you up for all the humor and good times you have given us.

  • ridley40

    Excellent idea, Kaw, and one that can easily be followed up on. (I know, ending with a preposition and all that. Mea culpa…) Way down on the right hand side of the page is a “make a payment” option, where you can use Paypal or Amazon to send a little moola to put in Heather and Jon’s Chocolate Cake Fund, with hopefully a little left over to get Leta into Black Licorice Rehab.

  • Cyclothymia

    I feel your pain. I was audited and financially raped by the IRS, and along the way had the delightful experience of being told over and over again that I was targeted precisely because they knew they would win. I didn’t make enough $$ to be able defend myself properly, and I was young, so my record keeping likely sucked – yep, they were right about that. The horror has only ended a few weeks ago and I am still shakingly angry. I mean literally – I know the physical feeling of going postal; your arms and face go numb.

    I’m sure having Leta and Jon both adds to the guilt and provides a sheltering rock to crawl under, at least I didn’t have anyone to worry about except for myself. You have done your best, and hopefully in time you will be able to laugh about things.

  • Anna

    Whoever the big wigs are, I bet they’re not in the Wikipedia!


    What’s the next item to be placed on Chuck’s head? How about a wig. If you can’t beat ‘em, mock ‘em.

    You rock and you’re wonderful – hang in and breathe deep :)

  • Veep

    I think this needs to be mentioned every ten comments:
    There is a tiny “donate” option at the bottom of the right column.
    I think we should all use it to make our appreciation spendable.

    Juice for Dooce!

  • http://www.mayonnaiseblog.blogspot.com ktm


    Know that I am rooting for you. I wish you well in everything. You are a part of my everyday. Thank you.

  • Jezzie

    I wish I could send you a cake from smittenkitchen, cause Debs cooking is like nothing else, but I can direct you over there to her photos :) Heather, I am broke, and refuse to take babydaddy to childsupport court b/c he has threaten me with trying to gain custody of my son over me being gay, IF I DO. Not b/c I am gay, but b/c he could use it against me.
    The relevence here is, he could never win, but I would have to mortgage my house, and spend a hundred grand and five years in court battling him, because his family has money. He won’t pay me realistic or regular child support or be a decent father, but he’ll pay lawyers to prove that he can beat me down. That he is “the man”. And that’s why you got sued, to prove they are “the man”= no offense to the real men out there, esp Jon :)

  • http://www.hydrangeasarepretty.blogspot.com Shelli

    well bugger that, dude! I’m so sorry.

    Pardon me while I get baking.

  • theinadvertentgardener

    Dooce, I don’t think I’ve commented, but I’m a long-time reader. Wishing you strength as you guys figure out the next steps, and, like so many other commenters, I’m sorry you’ve had to go through this.

    It sounds like you’re about to end up with a mailbox filled with chocolate cake. Maybe a bake sale is in order?

    In the meantime, I’m off to click through some of your ads. You’ve inspired me, and have inspired and entertained so many others. Fight the power!

  • http://www.closetuniverse.com A.J. Axline

    What’s even better than eating chocolate cake? Eating chocolate cake off of the one you love’s naked torso.

    Heck, I’m sure Jon won’t mind.

  • Courtney

    Your blog has helped me get through so many bad days. I’m so sorry you had to go through this, but I’m glad to hear it’s coming to an end.

    Costco makes an *incredible* chocolate cake. It weighs seven pounds;)

  • Andrea-cat

    As an attorney, trying desperately to leave the profession, I am so sorry what they are putting you through. It is that very reason I am changing professions because I am sick of seeing innocent people being bullied by the system without any type of safety net (I’m also way too sensitive for this profession).

    Obviously, I do not know your specific circumstance but hopefully, good will come out of this and you will settle back into some sense of normalcy. Take care of yourself, take a ride up one of the Cottonwood Canyons (so beautiful), go to Ruth’s Diner or the Blue Plate for a leisurely breakfast (yum), bring your dog to the dog park near Liberty Park (if they still have it – haven’t lived in SLC in four years) – watching my dog run around and play was great therapy, and hug your daughter.

  • PinkGator

    Heather, I am so very sorry. I struggle with depression as well, and am attempting to have as much humor about it as you. Please know that my friends and I look forward to reading your site everyday, to that point that we complain to each other when you don’t post until late. We are single, childless folks living in a huge city, but still just LOVE to hear about your feelings, Leta, Jon, the clogs, your boobs, Chuck, the LDS relatives, and so on. Please please don’t go away, Heather. Reading your site is one of my favorite parts of the day. Keep your chin up, you’ve been on my prayer list! Things will turn around soon.

  • http://smoness.livejournal.com/ smoness

    My mother went through something similar many years ago. Legalities of so many situations, do indeed, SUCK. Big sigh and virtual hug for you. Perhaps another “OMG our plumbing’s fucked cookie” would soothe the soul a bit. Hang in there!

  • http://scarsnsouvenirs.livejournal.com The LCA

    I have been struggling with depression and anxiety for the past year, and I draw on so many of your experiences and triumphs for strength. Thank you.

    All sorts fo stress can send me spiraling, so I can’t imagine dealing with mental illness AND a lawsuit, AND guilt. I know you’ll hear a lot of “buck up,” and “don’t blame yourself” types of things, but I know that no matter how logical it is, it doens’t make sense to your brain. But so many people care about you, and we’re all pulling for you.

  • kaw

    Thoughts and prayers are great and all, but how about we send cold, hard cash? Any web savvy commenter out there willing to set up a “juice for dooce” site? I’d chip in $10 — it seems the least I can do for Heather for sharing a bit of her life with such humor and insight.

    Even if only a few people contribute, Heather could at least buy a grand chocolate cake, on us.

    How about it?

  • http://www.randomandodd.com Kristine

    There is this woman that is in the middle of every parents nightmare and I have been searching for her daughter for months and one day I met the mother. I asked her, “How do you get up everyday and go through this?” and she said, “I have no idea, but I can feel the prayers and well wishes from all the people that love me and I think that is where I get my strength. I am REALLY not this strong of a woman.”

    You have thousands of people praying, sending good vibes and just knowing that I am not alone because people know what I feel because I can talk about it.

    You’ve got lots of this, and I won’t try to pray and mess it up, but I will send you some of the good vibes I have.

  • PrincessMo

    Don’t let The Man get you down, man. #%*& ‘em. Eat cake. Keep writing. Know that you are loved.

  • heathabee

    To beat a dead horse, I too am sorry for all the pain and stress your little family has been through the past few months. I am glad that it is all behind you, and that you can begin to heal and move on. You and your family are in my prayers – for happiness, success, stability and peacefulness.

    Also, I like reading about your feelings. Your feelings make my feelings look normal, and I like that harhar :)

  • thefirecat

    Someone please get this woman some chocolate cake, stat!

    This country has seriously developed such a knee-jerk response of “I’ll sue you!” that it’s frightening. So sorry to hear that you got stuck on the tail end of someone’s overweening sense of entitlement.

    (PS, don’t you just *love* that word? Overweening? It’s one of my favourites. It’s so….I don’t know. Just say it to yourself. Overweeeeeeening. So perfect.)

  • ChristineT

    Sorry to hear you’ve had such a rough time! I’m thinking of you, and sending lots of happy thoughts your way!

  • http://www.andthisismine.blogspot.com Kara

    Oh Heather. I’m joining with you in sending all of my most evil thoughts out to big companies and their lawyers. It’s really too bad that not everyone passed the “play nicely with others” portion in kindergarten. Can’t they just let you be? I know you have thousands of readers like me, whose lives you have touched positively by sharing your experiences–it’s just so nice to have someone be as honest as you are, and know that we’re not alone in our experiences.

  • http://www.cleopatraqueenofdenial2.blogspot.com gypsy

    Who are they? Lemme at em.

  • http://regionbroad.com Broad

    Wait … suing you for NOT signing a contract? How does that even work?

    Much love to you and the family. And chocolate cake.

  • ~Lorien~

    I pledge 20% of my ebay sales for the next 10 days! Anyone else? Just let me know where to send the $$.

  • http://www.chirky.com jes

    This makes me both insanely curious and saddened for you at the same time. But I’m willing to bet that if you had mentioned it in July? You’d have hundreds of readers jumping to your defense. And I bet many of them would have been attorneys.

  • jessimicah

    See, now you REALLY need to move to Elmo.