• kc02917

    I feel the need to comment abt the “meat anxiety”. Every animal(beef in particular) I have ever consumed must have been IN THE MIDDLE OF HAVING AN ORGASM, because, yes, they are THAT GOOD!

    I thoroughly enjoy reading your blog. I wish I had an ounce of your writing talent. Thanks for keeping me laughing! I have no idea how my daughter naps through my reading your blog!

  • Bec in Ozland

    Dear Heather,

    Thanks for updating us on the hilarity, that is the crazy hate mailer. I had a good laugh. I have been enjoying your blog for around 3 years now, and I love every cynical and un-cynical moment of it.

    Now I am off to enjoy a giant bleeding Aussie steak. Mmm Yummy!


  • Tabbie

    First of all I’d like to say I have been reading your blog for years now (and believe me theres few things I can actually claim to have been doing for year) and I really appreciate the work you do on this site. You’re an amazingly entertaining writer and blogging suits your style more than any other form available. I can only imagine that your hate-mailers haven’t been exposed to many blogs and don’t understand that you’re not just talking about your personal problems on the web and trying to get sympathy, you’re helping a lot of people who have similar problems feel like they have someone out there like them. I’m not a mom but I want to be one someday and I think whenever I do I’ll look back at your posts about pregnancy, depression and Leta’s quirks and it will help me through.

    Until then I’ll enjoy reading about poop and Chuckles!

  • http://gracedavis.typepad.com Grace D

    Anonymous #2 sounded for a second there like one of my Filipina grammas yelling at me:

    “…you are medicated fool”

    Except, my grammas would throw in a shitload of exclamation points and some hissing.

  • http://unlikelyinlove.blogspot.com/ Femtastic

    (I really should read the comments before adding. But I ain’t gonna.)

    So how can I, as a fairly new blogger, get hate mail? I don’t have a daughter to abuse (you lucky woman you!) but I do post cat pictures all the time, which you’d think would generate even MORE hate!

    I think your secret weapon is that you do make a living off of your creativity, which is clearly something that many moronic, illiterate and potty-mouthed ass-hats resent like hell. (me too – winky!)

  • Kristin

    this was honestly hilarious. i laughed so hard, and i thank you for that.

  • http://www.myquietthoughts.blogspot.com The other me

    I feel sure that should items of a feminine nature be free in utah they would almost certainly be of the large, bulky perhaps ‘with a belt’ type items ( and when I lived in utah I never heard anyone ever say Tampons or pads it was always
    ‘feminine items’) I am pretty sure that they wouldn’t encourage anything that was to be inserted, unless you are married and your husband was involved somehow. Just a thought. Also, stupid hate mail people? Sad.

  • erinisterrified

    highfly is totally right. most moms who choose to stay home with their young children while making enough money to keep a roof over their heads/food on the table really regret it 20 years down the line.

    i think it’s awesome that you can make a living writing your blog. it takes a lot of guts to post about some of the things that you’ve addressed on your blog. in 20 years you can look back on this blog as a record of your life at this time and i don’t think you’ll regret it one bit.

  • http://aredeaf.blogspot.com Coelecanth

    Normally I don’t like laughing at fools, I’m too often in that catagory for it to be strictly comfortable. But that, Madame Dooce, made my day.

    There’s nothing like anger disguised as advice to remind me that I’m the only one who can live my life.

    Thanks for sharing the hate.

  • Heidi

    I love hatemail days. Thanks for the laughs!

    Believe it or not, I’m interested in seeing a diagram of the sinus goo…especially based on your doctor’s reaction. It must be something very special.

  • http://www.feistydoll.com feistydoll

    I l’ove the s’hot of C’huck “doocing” M’aurice.

    Perfect, errr…. P’erfect!

  • Liz

    That picture is great. Who wouldn’t appreciate that?

    You are equally hilarious and brilliant.

  • skeri

    You are so awesome! :-D

  • http://boxofjack.com Jack

    Heather, I want to pay you to re-post the hate mail you receive on your site. You don’t even need to comment on it. You have generated enough frustration in these people that you could earn money off their hate alone.

  • SaraSue

    Best picture of Chuck EVER! I hope this makes it to next year’s calendar.

  • abisma

    I am building a shrine to you and will worship it daily.

    DOOCE: Daily doses of Shrine worthy nubbins.

  • http://www.blackbeltmama.com Black Belt Mama

    Oh, how I love your hate mail Heather! Since I know that it takes approximately 1000 positive comments to get rid of the bad taste in ones mouth from one bad comment, I’d like to be a positive one when I say that it is so damn cool that you get paid to do this. If my ad revenue brought in enough to buy a bag of groceries I would be thrilled, but a house, a mortgage, cool lip gloss? You rock girl.

  • Red Molly

    Heather, you are a wonder of womankind. And Chuck, oh Chuck, you can punctuate a sentence better than any dog I know.

  • http://dooce.migrantroo.com minxlj

    I feel like I have to apologise for the dumb vacant nothing-between-the-fuckin-ears mentality of those hatemailers. MY GOD some people are thick. And as for the repeat hatemailer – what the hell is up with that?? If you hate a website DON’T FUCKING VISIT IT. I’m in complete disbelief that these people can be so venomous, so stupid, and so damn rude. I laugh at their ridiculous emails, but at the same time I’m sad, and despondent that people can be so fucking vacant. As you can tell, it also gets me quite mad. The world doesn’t need that much bullshit!

    Would these people dare to say the above things to your face? Of course not. I would LOVE for someone to dare talk to me like that – I’d have them crying, tucked up into a ball in the corner within minutes. :-D

    I DETEST those spineless morons hiding behind what they think is anonymous email on the internet thinking they can abuse anyone they want. GET A FUCKING LIFE PEOPLE. You hate something? Change it – DO SOMETHING BETTER THEN. (just like the Honda advert!)

    On the plus side, I love that you can laugh at them Heather – I hope you’re well and your family is well. Including the lovely DORJ! And keep up with the Chuck photos please!! :-)

  • http://www.nearlyanonymousc.blogspot.com anna

    Love to read your blog. But rarely do I laugh out loud while I am reading it — usually I am just quietly amused.

    Thanks for CONTRACTION AHEAD! CONTRACTION AHEAD! It put me over the edge…


  • Marly

    You are a joy! I love to read your posts.
    They make me laugh and smile.
    I think you, your family and dog are amazing.
    Thanks for not ever allowing the bull shit to bring you down. Or when is does, get medicated or drink or post some more.
    You rock!

  • http://www.bayoubebe.com Bayou Bebe

    lmao. You know, in my 4 years reading I’ve never seen an instance of child abuse. I don’t get the crazies who have read for ONE day and create some vague idea of what your blog is.

    Had to comment, “c’an’t” help it!

  • Christie P

    As a faithful reader of your site (a good friend told me about your blog soon after Leta was born because my daughter is just a few months older), I finally feel compelled to post a comment on behalf of all those readers (I’m quite sure they’re out there) who love you, love your site, and can’t believe the kind of insane hatemail you have to put up with, but, like me, have never posted a comment or sent an email. We are just so grateful that you keep on writing, keep on taking pictures, and keep on sharing your messy, glorious life with us all. Thank you.

  • Michelle

    I started reading your blog mainly for the references to your upbringing. I was brought up Pentecostal and sooo relate to some of your stories. I had the crazy, big, long hair, too!

    Anyway, just wanted to say I love your blog and love your hate mail even more. Don’t make us wait so long next time!

  • SueFromOhio

    Holy Shit! Some people are so mean! oh wait, I meant, SUM PEEPL R SO MEEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Mean and dumb…and I have 30 EXCLAMATION POINTS!

    If it weren’t for your writing, I wouldn’t know that I’m normal. Thanks Heather…and tell Chuck, I hope he didn’t blow out his O ring on that one! BAHAHAHAHAAAAA

  • http://omar.e.fernandez.googlepages.com Omar

    I was working hard, you know, college, and decided to take a look at your blog, as usual, and found this amazing post! My happiness level just raised by an infinite factor, I feel so much better now. I would even try to represent my happiness by typing a SUPER EXCITED SENTECE full of OMG and happiness expressions (and I would also try to beat the exclamation mark record), but rather I would just let you know that you made my day. ^_^

    Oh! And I hope you get paid more than anyone who criticizes you for having a different type of job. Cause clearly, the only way to win money in the US should be by constructing or farming like in the old days.

  • g

    You know…I just REALLY wanted to hear about that sinus infection.

  • http://randomthoughts2005.blogspot.com SWSNBN

    You are awesome.

    The best.
    Funniest blogger EVER.

    I’ll quit fawning over this entry now. I’ll be back for more fawning later.

  • jaclyng

    Hey Heather. My friend turned me on to your website two years ago and since then I feel like I know your family and check-in on you a few times a week to see how ya’ll are doing. Strange, in a new-agey cyber-world kind of one-way relationship-thing. (My husband regularly mocks me for this.) Two things: first, TOTALLY AWESOME job getting Starbucks as a sponser. THAT TOTALLY ROCKS! (yes, I am from So.Cal.) Second, that ‘I bet your mama can fry up a chicken’ thing screams of racism to me. It’s almost as if you are using the fact that you think he is african-american (yes, I do live in So.Cal.) as slam against him. I’m not criticizing or judging; live and let live, baby. But I was taken aback and wanted to exercize my right to call you on it. (yes, I do live…)

  • http://thatgirl.nu Leesha

    Ironic that I misspelled horrible.

  • http://wackymommy.org/ Wacky Mommy




  • kittyscrap

    I just want to let you know that I read you everyday, and I love you. Rarely can somebody cause me to laugh out loud and actually snort like you do! And just for the record, companies wouldn’t want to advertise with you if you didn’t have so many readers, so you must be doing something right.

  • belletoes


    That’s 17. Love you, love Jon, love Leta and I absolutely am obsessed with Chuckles! You are the highlight of most days. After work, laundry, kids etc… Dooce is my little treat. Please don’t ever stop what you do and please please please keep showing us the moronic haters. So enjoyable!

    ps Free tampons? I’m totally roadtrippin’ to Utah!

  • http://omar.e.fernandez.googlepages.com Omar

    I was working hard, you know, college, and decided to take a look at your blog, as usual, and found this amazing post! My happiness level just raised by an infinite factor, I feel so much better now. I would even try to represent my happiness by typing a SUPER EXCITED SENTECE full of OMG and happiness expressions (and I would also try to beat the exclamation mark record), but rather I would just let you know that you made my day. ;-)

  • http://www.twentycarlo.com Debbie

    I can’t help but wonder if the illiterate one lives with the one who mentioned the slaughterhouse.

    I’m also stunned by the idea of getting the “feelings” of the slaughtered animal by eating the meat. I think I may have been mislead; what if the beef in my fridge isn’t really from cows? I’ve eaten considerable amounts of beef, but yet I’ve had absolutely no urges to eat hay or grass or take a shit right where I’m standing as I eat the hay or grass…

  • http://thatgirl.nu Leesha

    I love it when people use hoorrible spelling and grammar when bashing others.

    The best part as always is your replies. I was reading them to my husband and at one point his laughter was no longer producing sound, just making him vibrate. Thanks :)

  • http://gingerlylizzy.blogspot.com Liz

    HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHA! The only thing those emails serve to do is make me pee my pants when you post them. Ahhh, jealousy is SO entertaining, isn’t it!

  • Dawn Zed

    FWIW, I wish I had grown up with a mother that could admitt to her mental health issues. It would have made me feel much less crazy myself and I would have felt way more secure.

    Denial is never a good thing.

  • fakeblonde99

    I was having such a bad morning and then I read this post and it’s turned my whole day around. I want to thank you Heather with 400 exclaimation points. God, I love hatemail and the idiots who write them.

  • Renae

    Oh Lordy, some people…why, oh why in the world do they do stupid shit like write vitriolic emails to strangers? I do not understand. Or perhaps a better question is: Why do people read a blog that apparently causes their heads to explode with rage and righteous indignation? The little “X” in the corner of the screen is your friend people! And just for the record, so is spell check.

    Tomorrow can we please hear about the sinus goo? Cuz that sounds freaking awesome. :)

  • Lotorq

    I just love these people and their negative comments. Apparently they don’t read the part that says:

    “I’m Heather B. Armstrong. This is MY website”.

  • corley

    I love that Amy accuses you of having an adolescent’s mentality. I have seen second-graders with better punctuation skills than Amy. Someone who “just started reading. blogs like last week.” is not “within [their] right to criticize.”

    Amy’s level of punctuation/capitalization incompetence negates any criticisms she might offer.

  • Julia

    oh yeah, I need to write a blog ~ I am more medicated than anyone I know and I have two adorable dogs that I love to take pictures of. Keep sharing, we love you.

  • http://stevenbrycesmom.blogspot.com/ Jessica

    Good grief those people need a nice stiff…. drink to get the bug out of their ass.

  • stephanie

    almost 500 comments now, and, surely i might be dooced myself if i read them all first so, apologies for the certain repetition but i just had to say it.


    i just laughed all the way to the end of the entry on that one alone. yes, i’m sure looking back you’ll most definitely regret
    -being lucky enough to have a job that you don’t hate
    -watching your daughter grow and experience all the awesome things in life, like milkshakes [and not awesome things, like licorice] without needing to read the journal the daycare mom wrote for you
    -being able to hang out and play with chuck whenever you want
    -having support when you need it the most from so many you have never even met before
    -being able to actually enjoy, practice, and excell at your hobbies like photography, in a beautiful place.

    so yeah, you just think about THAT heather. think about all that other stuff you could have been doing that would make your life so much more worthwhile to someone who wastes their own time writing hatemail.

    from someone who is obviously more awesome and “fulfilled” because i spend ten hours in a cube five days a week.

  • RebeccaB

    I love your blog so much, it was the first blog that I ever read religiously. I was even ispired enough to start my own measly little blog. People really just amaze me. Why is it that they refuse to use spell check in their hatemail? I can’t wait for my first hatemail, just so I can get a good chuckle out of them.

  • Angiejude

    hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha (14 exactly)

  • Mariana

    Why only one picture of the dog??? We want more!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    (14 exclamation points)

  • http://blueeyedminx.blogspot.com Allison

    LOVE IT! I’ve never gotten hate mail, but I’ve definitely been bashed on at least one other person’s blog, as well as on a certain message board I used to frequent. It kind of makes me feel like a celeb. LOL.

  • katlady500

    Are you supposed to regret your life less if you work as a 9 to 5 drone? I guess that even cleaning toilets for living is more meaningful than spending time with your family.