• http://TheMick heyhey

    Waaa ha ha ha ha. That was great. Not the hatemail, the responses! I shot diet coke out of my nose at Chuck’s picture. OH how I desire to email that pic to several people!

  • http://texas2tennessee.blogspot.com wannabemae

    Yo Chuck…my thoughts exactly! FYI, those are not ellipses, they are Chuck droppings.

  • Heather W

    FUNNY FUNNY FUNNY! I cannot believe these idiots who, first, can’t spell, and second, simply do not have lives. If they think your blog is so stupid, why do they read it? I am so sick of people like this!

    Keep up the good work, and I agree with someone who said it in a post here, more pics of the pretty fish please.

    And would you PLEASE post more about the abuse of your daughter? Maybe some of you abusing John? That would just make my day. LMAO!!! (Oh, sorry, I’m one of the explanation point abusers.)

  • http://fiddley.com Pete Dunn

    Jealous much?

    I feel like a total loser now because I blog every single day and I don’t make a dime on it. I guess expressing oneself for the sake of expression isn’t what it used to be.

  • Marley

    Really? People say things like that? Well Heather, on behalf of people, I am sorry. Wait, maybe they aren’t people at all.

    I hope you laugh about those comments. Really.

  • http://www.jodireimer.blogspot.com Reimeroo

    Oh man, I LOVE the picture of your dog making the McSteamy!

  • mirenis

    I LOVE CHUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • http://bennercrewhapps.blogspot.com/ Shealynn

    Ok, so I am loving your blog!! A friend of mine told me about the amazing pictures you take, so I had to take a look, while I love the pictures very much, I do indeed love your writing too! It’s very entertaining, and I love to be entertained, so rock on sista! Keep in blogging… and finding out that you get paid for this was the highlight of my day! Not sure who wouldn’t love to get paid to speak their mind! ROCK ON!

  • http://www.thegeneva.com theGeneva

    They love you really. They are just jealous that they can’t sit at home and take photos of their dog while picking their belly button fluff. This is probably some sort of way of expressing their emotion that years of crack use and living with mommy could’t resolve.

    The photos of your family (dog included) really add to the feel of your blog, when reading it I almost feel close to you, although you’re a stranger to me.

    Anyways, keep up the good work, you beautiful strangers.

  • ebr

    Why don’t you post the nice mails, too? It’s too sad to read these ridiculous hate mails. You should follow-up with some love. You deserve it.

  • Christina

    You are so funny! That picture of Chuck taking a shit is AWESOME! ha ha ha.

  • Verber of Nouns.

    Wait? There are free tampons in Utah?


    I am a kinky dyke living in sin in San Francisco, but if there are free tampons in Salt Lake City, I will gladly move there and run over a Mormon or two with you. Tampons are fucking expensive, yo.



  • mirenis

    I love Chuck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • MalGal123

    I love your blog. From what I read, I can tell that you are honest and that you see life through a very good-humored lens. For every ridiculous person out there that feels compelled to send you hateful responses, there are likely 50 more people who find hope from your transparency. Thank you for being a person who is unafraid to acknowledge the things that make life so amazing (good and bad).

    I have to stifle my laughter everytime I read your blog (because I usually check in when I’m at work). But thanks for making life more interesting!

  • DancingTofu

    Ditto CapnK8. I’m usually too lazy to sign up for things.

    But, holy crap, thanks for the laughs!

    Hope you feel better soon. I’ll wave as I fly over tomorrow!

  • SouthernBelleInUtah

    I love the picture! And his expression is priceless – just like a person caught doing that in public would be. There are way too many of us Dooce-enjoyers to listen to those others. My only complaint is I have to wait for you to post. I might have to check more than once (Quellehorreur!).

  • CapnK8

    I just signed up for a free TypeKey account for the sole purpose of saying:


    People never fail to astound and horrify me – what sad people, that they have to get their kicks out of randomly assaulting talented writers.

    Also, Utah has free tampons? I must speak to the Idaho legislature posthaste.

  • Missy

    You know, Dooce, I always read your hate mail and got a good laugh. I have my own blog but it’s not really on anyone’s radar; the only person to send me hatemail is my patriotic uncle Mike who thinks I’m a Communist. And he didn’t even use that many exclamation points.

    However, I recently had a site review my blog. I honestly thought they were going to give me tips and stuff on how to improve, but instead it was a slamfest. And I was actually really hurt. They slammed my writing, which was the worst. I satisfied myself by using profanity, many, many times, but I suddenly realized — this is how Heather feels. She gets this crap all the time.

    So fuck ‘em. I can’t tell you how much I love your site and your writing. I check it every day because it makes me LAUGH. Really laugh, with a deep, belly laugh, and you know what? That is a miracle.

    Thanks for providing miracles, Heather.

  • nanookie9

    The photo of the dog… the PHOTO OF THE DOG! It’s killing me, I can’t stop laughing! All of it, I can’t stop laughing!

  • Leon

    …..oh Dooce, you don’ dunnit’ again

    You’ve really reaped some masthead gold in these last nuggets of grrrrr

    My personal favorites (incorporated for use as mastheads at a later date);

    1. Dooce – Typed With Her Forehead Since 2001
    2. Dooce – Your Friendly Neighborhood Steaming Prozac Burp
    3. Dooce – Now With More Ass Clenching Chuck Photos

    Power to the Blurbodoocery! Best wishes always guys. You’re truly doing the Lord’s work.

  • lisamaesc

    Heather, I think you are a funny, funny lady. Keep on entertaining us with your wit!

  • paula

    Omg, are tampons really free in Utah?

    Love the pic of Chuck. Ahahaha!

  • kj

    God, Heather B. This rocks. LOVE posts like these from you. Truly made my day.

  • nikki c

    oh my god, i needed a good belly laugh all afternoon and the photo of chuck almost made me cry i was laughing so hard. yay chuck!! good boy! good pooper!

  • http://www.smoochdog.com smoochdog

    Heather you ROCK. THat “letter” you posted to Maurice truly does capture the spirit of “a picture says 1,000 words.” Keep on being you. And as my blog is named SMOOCHDOG – I say keep on posting THOUSANDS of photos of Chuck, not having kids I can relate to Chuck more than Leta – sorry Leta you are a doll but Chuck…he is a dog!

  • http://www.midgetviking.co.uk MidgetViking

    I’m not sure how I discovered your web-site, and that really worries me as I’ve only been reading it for about 3 weeks or so… but that’s beside the point.

    Katie; don’t worry (post 120) – your wish has clearly long since come true.

    Heather; I have yet to find and awesome lipgloss. I had one when I was a teenager, but then ‘they’ stopped making it and I have not found one as good since. Fancy giving some lipgloss advice? I live in Europe, though, and if it’s a purely American product I’m in deep shit anyway. But, you know, I’m curious.

    I can’t bear other people’s kids, and generally don’t mind not having any of my own, but somehow you make it sound as if it’s worth all the hassle. Leta is lovely, and John sounds great too. And Chuck – well, say no more.

    I always thought my dog, when I was a kid, was particularly cute when she had that concentrated poo-look. I guess it was because she so rarely concentrated on anything (unless there was food involved) that the sheer novelty of it was what made an impression.

    Well, it’s late in Vienna and I have a long day ahead of me. Sleep tight – all of you and all of your readers (when you get home from work or whatever you’re doing)!

  • PaulaM

    Your Chuck picture response to Maurice made me laugh so hard I woke my baby and I don’t even care! Awesome post. Love your humor, my dear. I read your blog daily.

  • ylime

    I openly guffawed at the Chuck picture today. My 20 month old came running over and reminded me of something he’s recently been doing when he sees Chuck. I thought you might find it amusing that he refers to him as “Cock”. I know it makes my day a little easier to take.

  • Mel

    Heather, you are awesome! I’m so glad to have found your blog!

  • Elizabeth

    I signed up for Typepad just to comment on this entry, although I’ve been reading dooce for over a year now. I know this isn’t going to be a very original comment, but I must let you know that I hadn’t scrolled down enough to see what was after Maurice’s letter, so when I read it and scrolled, oh my dear lord. I’m at work, and I was trying so hard not to lose my shit, that I had tears literally streaming from my eyes. I *heart dooce!

  • http://risetovotesir.blogspot.com Allison

    I love your blog. THE END. It’s seriously the only reason why I come to work – so I can read dooce and look at all the pretty Chuck pictures on it with the clarity of a 19 inch monitor and the ease of a high speed connection. Thank you for being such a shit ass ho fuckingbadass and sharing your hatemail from all the shit ass ho fuckingdumbasses, not only do they make me laugh, but they make me feel smart. heh. Oh, and bring on the Chuck pictures!

  • millercaster

    Next Masthead:

    Shit Ass Ho Fuckingbadass

  • raspberry queen

    I <3 ur webaite and ur hate. mail. c’ant get enuff ov it.

  • http://kelley-bean.livejournal.com kelley

    i gots nothin but love fer ya, heather.

    shitting chuck made made my day. and the look on his face is all, “look what I can do, mom…jealous?”

  • Laura

    As if you would give a toss what others say.

    Which would be a great name for a site if it weren’t for the fact it’s already taken.


  • t*love

    This has to be the best installment of hatemail to date. Awesome! The only thing that would have made it better is if there were an actual piece of poo left by Chuck for Maurice. Oh well, maybe next time, huh?

    Keep up the great work – I love this site!

  • POOLEworks aka Roger

    Cripes you are one of the funniest people I’ve ever read.

    What is wrong with some people?

  • Candice

    Though I am sure it can be incredibly tiring, I selfishly wish that the hatemail will never ever stop coming. Because it’s so much fun to read. People are idiots; it makes me giggle.

  • KIKI

    I wasn’t ever aware of the free tampons, but was I ever grateful for the free condoms given out at the BYU Health Center! WHEW!

  • workroom


    so damned good
    i for one, love you
    you earn every penny you make damnit

    but then again i don’t have a set of bullballs hanging from my car tow-hitch so i guess it doesn’t mean anything in the bigger scheme of haters out there

    thanks for all the good stuff you share
    ; )

  • http://mes9193.blogspot.com Megs

    After reading your blog for almost 3 years, I have fallen more in love you, your family, your super dog, and your fish. Thank you for processing your life, your random interactions, your being with us. And while others might be mean, know that someone in Denver is cheering you on. Plus, we have free tampons here too :)

  • alikatze

    ROFL. Fight the good fight; give the mentally challenged something to chew on, Heather. The internet is probably one of the best places, IMHO, where sentient life forms can duke it out without bloodshed (one hopes). THANKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • http://www.peoplearequirky.com quirky

    Have you seen “Idiocracy”? It’s looking more like a documentary everyday….

  • Jamie

    First, I love reading your site, Heather. It’s sometimes funny, sometimes touching, and always a joy to read something so well-written.

    Second, “Dump Chuck” is TOTALLY my new band name!

    Finally, as to the hater who thinks it’s ok to criticize you since blogging is “your job,” I hope you show up at her place of employment someday to tell her how bad she sucks at her work.

    Keep writing and posting pictures of Chuck. We love you!

  • http://burnettadventures.blogspot.com Christina

    Please tell me that Shit Ass Ho Fuckingbadass will be your masthead for April!

    Hope your sinuses drain soon.

  • Theresa

    Heather I fucking love you!!!!!! The picture of Chuck is awesome…Seriously the haters suck!!! I love reading you!

  • http://www.kimblahg.com Darlin’

    Oh God those were so funny. Typing with the forehead? Shit Ass Ho Fuckingbadass? Priceless. See? This is a great way to deal with hate mail because it makes it fun when you get a particularly nasty one instead of hurtful. It is the ShitAssHoFuckingBadass Hate Mail Game.

  • Samara

    Booooo Chuck Hater, Huuraaaaaaay Chuck!

  • http://notafraidofchange.blogspot.com/ Amy

    I’m embarrassed that my name is Amy; I’m considering changing that now. But some of us “Amys” do know proper grammar, and most of us don’t have time to smoke enough crack to send emails like that. And how did she have time to type that up, after having spent all afternoon hanging the wreath on the dually and cleanin’ the shot gun?

  • toddlermama

    I think that you could really piss these special people off by selling the picture of Chuck crapping in your on-line store. Maybe you could even make a greeting card. Imagine the potential inscriptions… “Wishing you a crappy day!” or “Crap, I forgot your birthday!” I love that picture a little too much… Rock on, dooce!