• leesavee

    The Internet needs to know…WHAT is the deal with the free tampons? Utah will soon be overrun by menstruating women. Please include information about this in your next entry. Inquiring minds really do need to know! (only one exclamation point)

  • pseudonymph

    Oh Heather. At the risk of sounding sappy (and obvious!), it must be hard as hell to get those sometimes. High five on the perfectly nuanced Chuck response though. Hee.

    On a small serious note, thanks for writing so frankly about depression in spite of the crap you get for it. It’s been damn helpful to me to know that other ‘mundan nerds’ have successfully traversed the problems i’m having right now. Hopefully a few thanks here and there go some way to balancing out the vicious idiots.

  • http://perpetualstateofflux.typepad.com Laura

    That picture of Chuck about to crap is the funniest thing I have seen today. I was going to say the funniest thing ever but that would just be a lie.

    I have to admit that I do adore the Armstrongs. I guess that makes me just another lame sycophant but I’m okay with that.

    So, while I am on a tangent of so called uncool confessions here’s a doozy…I like (or dare I say love) ellipses and excessive exclamation point usage. Do you think there is a 12 step program for this sort of thing?

  • http://www.barbaloot.com Geno

    Omigod, I am rolling on the floor! Those people are some funny s**t. I think you are awesome.

  • Kate

    If I ever meet you, I’m going to kiss you on the mouth, but I promise not to linger.

  • citygirl912

    April’s masthead should have a mosaic of Chuck pictures just for our friend Maurice!

  • Loob

    I just now saw a commercial on tv and knew I must tell you that a store in my town is giving away free clogs if you buy their beer. :)
    I know how much you wish you were here right now.

  • CyberBilly

    Hey Heather, I’ve read your blog for years, but never felt compelled to comment before. I don’t understand why people can’t just live and let live. If people don’t like what you have to say, shouldn’t they just go elsewhere? It’s called the Golden Rule. Or alternatively, I hope you’ll consider my attitude toward your detractors- they can all Fak Offf, Doode! Keep on doin’ it exactly as you wish. And I’ll keep on reading. How you like them apples?

  • http://www.paintingchef.com PaintingChef

    I think she is probably more likely to hang the wreath on her minivan.

    Thanks for the laugh. You get the BEST hate mail!

  • http://journal.exaggeration.org Katie

    Hola Heather (do you actually read all of these? I got through almost half of them before I just gave up, but then again, I’m not the one whose praises are being sung, so it would probably be different if these all started with “Katie”)

    Anyhoo. Really just wanted to post a comment while the comments were open. Love your hate mail entries (hell, I love ALL of your entries) and almost makes me miss the hate mail I used to get back when my journal had a larger audience.

    ALMOST makes me miss the hate mail. Reading yours, though, is a nice hateful rush-to-the-head, and I like it a bit too much.

    Although what I really love are your monthly letters to Leta. That hater had no idea how awesome those letters are, and how much Leta is going to THANK YOU when she is older, and realizes that while her Mommy might be a bit crazy (at times), she has also screamed her love all over the internet, and I’m thrilled to hear you scream it loud, and proud.

    Don’t mind the crap run-on sentence.


  • http://www.flickr.com/photos/2penguins/sets/ YoBimbo

    Outstanding. I have to say that your hatemail posts are some of my favorites. And that photo of Chuck? Perfect.

    Well played.

  • http://spiritspeaks.blogspot.com sravana

    You so KILLED with that Chuck pic! Earlier today I was thinking about suicide (let’s just say that the therapist has been called – call it menopausal madness), and then you post that craptaculous pic of Chuck – and I die laughing.

    Yet another reason to keep on living – gahwd only knows what’s going to show up at dooce.com next!

  • dimplecheek

    The picture of Chuck is just proof that yours is the best blog out there. I thought I was the only one who took pictures of my dog pooping in the snow. Now, I love you even more, Heather.

  • Rick

    I am fairly new to your site but I love it! I was shocked to read some of your hate mail. I think you are irreverent, funny, and smart. Maybe I haven’t been around long enough?

  • Badgerx2

    I love all the Chuck pictures – especially when he’s balancing a random household object on his head! Don’t stop.

    Last I checked reading blogs was optional. If you don’t like it, don’t read it and if you do, don’t bitch about it.

  • http://ashglunk13.blogspot.com/ ashglunk13

    I was merely snickering at the emails…..until i got to the picture of chuck taking a dump. after i gathered myself up off the floor, and ran to the bathroom…. i immediately linked it to everyone i know. i love your blog so much.

  • Sara Tibbs

    Chuck for the win! And as for highfly2234? Sounds like she’s (she?) got a bad case of ‘silicate vaginosis’. LOL I’m glad I got to use that.

  • shredbettie

    re. FAQ: I prefer Frequently Unanswered Questions. Of course that would mean changing the initials… everybody! What does that spell! (yes I have a rather immature sense of humor…)

  • http://www.queenofherownuniverse.com Queen of her own universe

    Dooce…you are my frickin’ HERO (Ho’d out.Effen.Ratbastard.OnFire) ! ! !

  • http://jonesing.typepad.com Rachel Jones

    Holy fucking shit, Heather. This series never disappoints. The rest don’t, either. But this one was an all-blog favorite. Please! Please! Please keep inciting hate!

  • Maria H

    I love your hatemail, Heather. Please don’t forget to post them more often.

  • http://daveblog.wordpress.com Rattling The Kettle

    You’re so lucky, getting hate mail. I wonder if my puny little blog will ever generate such hostility some day. I really hope so. It’s just one of the many ways that you inspire me.

  • Sarah

    I gotta say, I’m hella curious as to which ways you abuse Leta Paul was thinking of. I, too, would have appreciated a bulleted list. Or maybe a numbered one, but then he’d have to made it clear whether he was listing the offenses in order from most to least heinous, or the other way around.

    Also, “Good Lord! Is someone forcing these people to read your site? I mean, are the guards at Gitmo making people sit in front of computers with Clockwork Orange type eyelid holders shoved in their eyes forcing the enemy combatants to read Dooce?” Charles R. Kaiser has had the BEST IDEA EVER! You should totally forward that comment to our friends at the Pentagon.

  • http://www.lifeisnuts.blogspot.com Nytro

    see… i choose to live in utah for the free CTR rings and books of mormon on every corner.

    oh, and the funeral potatoes.

  • http://www.charli_tan.livejournal.com frankie

    People are morons. Seriously.

    Pissy people behind a computer are like pissy people behind a car wheel… they think they are safe, but I bet they are freaking out that their craptastic email is posted!

    Now THAT’S what I call a good time… you GO!

    It’s nice to remind the oh so “brave” mean people that there is a *person* behind the web site, no?

    Love it…

  • http://beadingatthebeach.blogspot.com/ beadbabe49

    geeze…I really like the photos of chuck and leta…clearly they’re both being tortured regularly, you can see it in their eyes!!!!!

  • kdjmom3


    your hate mail shows what a scary place the blogosphere can be.

    reading your blog makes my day brighter, shinier, and doggone it, happier. you are an absolutely gifted and fantastic writer.

    chuck rocks.


  • lynn

    oh heather…i share that same “fuck em” mentality…
    no one has anything better to do.????
    imagine what their damn days are like….

  • iamjenlindsey

    i swear to christ, i have such an internet crush on you!

    (i would have totally inserted about 18 more exclamation points, but i realize just one will do.)

  • http://weaverrantings.blogspot.com redheadwriter

    Is it wrong to not feel pity for these people who have no lives? All I really want to do is slap them upside the head for being stuck on stupid.

    Keep up the excellent blog, Heather. Reading your posts brightens my day.

  • http://ihearttheastros.wordpress.com ihearttheastros

    That picture of Chuck will bring a smile to my face for many days to come.

  • GregariousKat

    The pic of Chuck was to die for. I am going to be laughing all night at work. While my laboring patients are pushing their hearts out, I will be giggling about Chuck taking a crap. Thank you Heather.

  • http://www.darrenmclikeshimself.com Darren

    Sheesh, and I felt bad yesterday because someone called me gay in my comments.

  • Working Girl


    Kinda makes me glad that my blog isn’t that popular! Success always pisses off certain folks.

  • http://www.godtar.com Charles R. Kaiser

    Good Lord! Is someone forcing these people to read your site? I mean, are the guards at Gitmo making people sit in front of computers with Clockwork Orange type eyelid holders shoved in their eyes forcing the enemy combatants to read Dooce?

  • mfore

    All I have to say is that I love reading your blog. Maybe some people are so bitchy because they are jealous of your job- I know I kind of am. Anyway, keep on blogging (because I have no life of my own, so I live mine through other peoples blogs (it’s sad, but very true))!

  • http://www.groovymarlin.com Groovymarlin

    Heather, I find you inspiring, and I hope you get some love-mail to go with the hate now and then. How is blogging for a living really any different from people who write for a living? Erma Bombeck made a nice life for herself and her family writing humorous pieces about household drudgery in the newspaper and books. And you’re much funnier than she was. What about that “Hints from Heloise” chick? She doesn’t even write her own material and she makes a living at it!

    Haters can just go on hatin’. I think Jett summed it up pretty well:

    “There’s isn’t enough bleach in the world to to clean out the gene pool.”

    So true. And it brings me to my other thought – some of your commenters are as funny as your posts. Damn, there are some literate, sharp, hilarious people reading this blog! Hats off to all of you.

  • TxSuzyQ

    Hey wait! I hang Christmas wreath’s on the grill of my truck. Just what are you trying to say there missy?!!?!?!?!??!?!!?! <— Dig that punctuation! ;]

    I have an idea. You should post the email address from every piece seriously good piece of hate mail you get. Let us, your “customer service” department, handle such things!

  • http://pamsdogmobile.spaces.live.com bigdogmompam

    Love the pictures of Chuck. He’s an adorable dog and the picture in today’s post was PERFECT. Thank you for sharing the hatemail with us. It’s ever so entertaining. Better than people watching at the mall. I’ve been reading your blog for a while now and I have to confess it’s one of the highlights of my day. Thank you for sharing all of this with us.

  • Lorrian


    (note I used 15! exclamation points)

    I look forward to your blog each and every day. I appreciate your candor, your love for your family, and your f’ucking wit. :-)

  • http://www.wormhole.com linda

    I remain amazed that people feel the need to “criticize” something that is free and that they are not required to read. I’m also continually surprised that people feel that commenting is a right, rather than a privilege extended by the author. Those feelings are only superseded by my amazement at the level of illiteracy demonstrated by the writers (and I use that term loosely). I suppose they are envious, although I doubt any of them understand exactly how hard it is to write, well, on a regular basis, regardless of the medium.

  • TripTikGirl

    btw, I think “Emily” is the number one girls’ name right now… ;) and has been for the past 9 years…

  • spacegirl

    Holy hate mail Batgirl!!! (only 3 exclamation points for that one). Thanks for the tragic laughs Heather, you’re priceless.

  • Jo Anne Swartz

    Oh my gawd, as I sit here at my boring dull job I could not stop laughing as I read your entry for today. And yes, the photo of Chuck is a classic and so fitting. I have only been reading you for about a month but I look so foward to your posts and have been reading the archives as well.

  • jdkjd

    I just want to express my admiration in how you take the random, violent criticism that these strangers feel they some imaginary right to aim at you.

    I don’t know if I could handle all of that with such humor. Maybe I’m not as nice and patient as you are. :)

    (And your blog is touching, hilarious, insightful, and articulate – sometimes all at the same time.)

  • Anastasia

    Best use of a peeing-dog picture ever.

    Thanks for continuing to write one of my all-time favorite websites, and for putting up with that sort of nonsense to continue amusing (and yes, even educating) us!

  • Anita Barr-Watson

    love the site….. keep up the good work!

  • JennJenn

    Mmmmm, these are always my most FAVORITE posts.
    Can’t wait to read.

    P.S. Got a new kitten….his name is ahem..

    Admiral Walter Seamus “Master of the Ocean”
    or Walter for short.

  • http://www.wer4.blogspot.com Kami

    The picture of Chuck is poetic! Thanks for sharing people’s inadequacies with themselves because CLEARLY they pick on you to make themselves feel better.

  • keagansmom

    I’m sitting here at work and I got to the picture of Chuck takin a shit and damn near pissed myself laughing. OH MY GOD, you are funny!
    Love you, love your blog, love Jon’s blog, love Leta-cutie..can u feel the love?????