• Sara

    The photo of Chuck assuming the doggie pooping stance is priceless.

  • VVK

    mmmm… chicken that’s been raised in a cage where it doesn’t have room to move and has to sit and have food forced down its gullet while it sits in its own excrement. Yummy!!!!

  • http://trancejen.pointlessbanter.net TranceJen

    I seriously can’t believe “c’ant”.

    That’s just too much to wrap my “b’rain” around.

  • http://cheapblueguitar.com Brian

    I am giddy every time I see a post title that starts with “Exclamation point.”

    You rock!

  • Nikki

    Delurking to say that I love your blog! And this post was hysterical. Love the picture of Chuck! Thanks for starting my morning with a laugh!

  • http://www.sfrontato.blogspot.com Juliness

    Excellent responses! It’s always more entertaining when you include your thoughts with the original remarks. It makes for great reading and your comfort with words is enviable as always.

    I very much enjoyed hearing you speak at BlogHer this last summer. You did not disappoint. Which is certainly saying something considering your celeb status among bloggers and civilians alike.

    Some people just don’t *get it* and never will. Thanks for sharing some of their work here along with the fantastic stuff you offer us on a regular basis.

  • LawTalkinGuy

    As much as I loved this post, please don’t make it a regular theme.

    That will just encourage the douchebags.

  • http://dancingfoe.org Liz

    Is it ridiculous for me to aspire to get letters such as these? I hope one day I will be in your position.

    Keep on keeping on, you know like the Brady Bunch. They all turned out well, right?

  • http://amongsavages.blogspot.com/ KathleenG

    You keep me sane. In a loose, loose sense of the word. Thank you so much for giving me something to look forward to each day.

  • reavolution

    I almost cried laughing when I scrolled down and witnessed the “Poop of Chuck.” A law classmate of mine was talking to me, and in the midst of our conversation, my face flushed bright red as I laughed out loud. Luckily, class was not in session.

    This was a great hate mail entry.

    However, I do want to note, sane people can decorate their car seasonally. I think wreathes on grills are cute – even if slightly invasive in this PC world. :)

  • http://www.italiantrivia.blogspot.com jennifer

    Some of these seemed meaner than ones you’ve posted previously. Especially Anonymous #1. Your responses were, as usual, funny, but I had a hard time laughing this time around. The gratuitous meanness of their emails was a little much. I admire you for handling it so well.

  • http://celebrityseaslugs.blogspot.com ecologista

    I think the relevance of Jamuna’s comments here are pretty obvious: all those animals you eat are French existentialists, and you are filled with their cynical disdain for the world. Particularly for Mormons. Everybody knows the French hate Mormons. I’d wink here, but I am a vegetarian and therefore devoid of emotions, since I’m not eating anything that experiences them. Thank you, Jamuna, for bringing enlightenment to my dreary plant-filled existence.

  • ecileh

    Oh, that picture of Chuck in response to Maurice is *choice*. You are my hero.

  • Nannergrrl

    It’s ALWAYS about the poo. Sheesh.

  • FeelinFroggy

    Okay the first guy is jealous that he/she didn’t think if this blogging for cash thing. The second guy is either jealous that you suck dicks better than him or he is mad you have never sucked his.

    And dude, where was the post about the child abuse, you should really link to things like that, I must have been absent from your site that day. I sure hope that Leta recovered from the abuse.

    As far as going to school and people knowing her mom is CRAZY!!! At least you get paid for it, my mom is crazy and poor.

    I totally love your hatemail posts which makes me feel a little bit bad because Good God people are mean and pathetic. I totally love you, maybe just a little bit too much!

  • Meegan

    I’m sending nothing but love. I skipped my last book club book to read your archives from stem to stern, for crying out loud! I’m a medicated mama of a 6 month old girl, and your email has, quite literally, helped me through a very difficult time. I have been struggling with postpartum depression. Your blog was my ray of sunshine. It still is, but I’m feeling better now so I have a lot more sunshine in my life. And drugs. Don’t want to leave out the drugs! Anyway, I just want to say thank you for sharing your life with us, the internet. There are nights when, after the babe started snoozing in her crib, I would read your blog for hours. I would read things out loud to my husband. I would laugh out loud. OUT LOUD! This was not a common occurrence, as the sadly depressed do not giggle freely. It was so lovely to know that I had a kindred spirit out there somewhere, even though she was oblivious to my existence. So. There you go. Some Love Mail to counter the spiteful shit that idiots like Anonymous and Paul spew. Also? I think you sound like a great mom. A mom who, if you lived nearby, I would invite over for a playdate and a bourbon.

  • http://therodebachers.blogspot.com Elle

    I wanted to let you know you are not the worst mother out there, I just let my 4 month old sit in her poopy diaper so I could read your post and most of the comments. She won’t remember it, so I’m okay with it.
    Has it really been three months since you shared hatemail? The picture of Chuck taking a crap is almost better than the “week of Chuck” you blessed us with last week (thanks for that, btw!).
    Okay, I guess she’s stewed enough – keep up the great work, if only to get more hatemail to share. It does a body good!

  • http://bornto-fly.livejournal.com lindsay

    People in general suck. But you? You rock. And so does Chuck.

  • cakebaker

    I really needed that laugh today. Rock on, Dooce.

  • deardiary

    i love chuck taking a crap! you rock. your so called craziness represents the masses.

  • karla-kuss

    Hm. You can get very concerned about people in general, if you seriously start thinking about their state of mind, writing these utterances. Which are so out of anything, and for so different reasons. Written by normal people.
    Difficult to realize real persons actually typing this stuff. And to know that it has absolutely nothing to do with you personally, although they act just as if it had.
    The world is a strange place.

    Of course it’s exactly the other way round. It is so obvious, due to this website, that you are such an exceptionally splendid person.
    (Though I certainly don’t know you the faintest little bit, so please don’t feel offended by my remarks.)

    To read your website is a very great pleasure indeed, and I mean every. single. word. It is a treasure in the vast internet as well as in the grotesque and moving reality, because it is, simultaneously, so extremely heartwarming and truth-pronouncing. (And so funny. And bright-minded.) So rare, things like this and characters like you.

    So… Thanks extremely much! And the kindest regards to you and your sweethearts.

    (This Internet… still astonishing.)

  • ashleighem

    you are wonderful. i truly enjoy your candor and reading your stuff makes me happy. thanks for being an inspiration!

  • HughOfBardfield

    Hi Heather

    So another heap of morons send you hatemail? Just wish they’d get a life.

    Just wanted you to know that some of us appreciate you, and find your blog not just amusing, but life enhancing. Please keep blogging (and posting pictures – even of Chuck)!

    Hugh of Bardfield (Essex, UK)

  • http://www.candelibratarot.com HelloMyNameIsHeather

    You are so freaking hilarious. I seriously laugh out loud everytime I visit this page. I just get a feeling that Deland is jealous though. Maybe his momma can fry him up some chicken and suck his DICK!!!!!!!!

  • Jet Piston

    I like your blog, your hatemail, and your face. If you weren’t already married and I weren’t already married I would totally be so pissed off at myself for being afraid to ask you out.

  • SpexyDevonz


    Now see, this is why I don’t have a blog, because people are such meanies. But you were born to blog. Just when I think you are going to crack under their kryptonitical rays you come back with hilarity.

    Keep it up.

    But seriously, you suck.

    Hi Becca!

  • http://www.thesigs.com karyn

    I think my favorite thing I have ever read on your blog is “FuckingAssQuaaludes”.

    I’m glad you have a sense of humor about the haters. Is your first book going to be solely hatemail and your responses? Because that would so rock my socks.

  • http://idontdofugly.blogspot.com/ psychoactive toad

    I don’t get people sometimes, but at least I’m laughing while scratching my head. Brilliant post.

    The photo response to Maurice? Hysterical!

  • http://www.scout87.wordpress.com scout87

    The picture of Chuck is priceless! Too funny.

    I LOVE your blog. Sorry you get so many freaks who like to send hate mail. But I guess that comes with the territory, huh? At least it gives you fodder for your blog and keeps us fans amused.

  • http://www.nutcase101.wordpress.com Nifle

    Thank you, I needed a good laugh. I can believe that those poor, hapless souls should get blogs of their own that can support their lives. Oh, wait, people would have to be willing to read them. I don’t think I’d force that kind of torture on anyone…oh, okay, I can think of two people. But, that’s all!

    PS. I really appreciated this post because it made the coughing and lung hacking caused by pharyngitis to be so pleasant.

  • jnapier

    I just wanted to say that you’re awesome… fuck the haters.

  • Sasha

    I have read your site forever. It is linked to on my best friend’s site Mimsies.wordpress.

    You are hilarious and so much fun to read. I have absolutely no clue why anyone would actually send hate mail. How opinionated must you be? Please! Can’t people just read your blog and laugh or smile? Good God.

  • boo

    i am so damn happy i wore waterproof mascara today, because when i scrolled down to the picture of chuck pooping, the sip of coffee i just took came shooting out of my nose and my eyes watered from the hysterical laughing that came afterwards. one of my coworkers even came to check on me to see if i was okay. i love your blog. keep it coming.

  • Molly Chase

    Dear Heather: Please continue to take pictures of Chuck taking a poo in your backyard, take cheap shots at the Mormons or Avon or organic chicken broth, and eat juicy and delicious animals direct from the slaughterhouse. Because we love you. And your hatemailers can stick it.

    The Internet.

  • elf_fu

    I’ve spent the better part of ten minutes attempting to think up a witty comment to the stupidity shown from these people.

    I failed. Wow, just–wow.

  • gavintiegirl

    Thanks for the laugh today. That picture of Chuck was unexpected and quite hilarious. I am sure Maurice is tickled pink over that one. Thanks for sharing. As jdianeafrica said quite nicely, “People are so jacked up and you highlight that nicely here. hilarious”

  • Ralph H.

    I think it’s good of you to share these bon mots. Reminds us, in case we needed reminding, what Nicholas of Cusa (think it was him) said many centuries ago: “The number of stupid people is infinite.”

  • Lola Taylor

    I think you’re wonderful!

  • PhillyOne

    It’s not that I agree with the hate mail. I don’t. I do, however, think that you could blog more often, since it is your “job”. You have a gift, a cleverness. Most of the time I really enjoy how you use it. My only advice (and I can give it ’cause I’m twice as old as you) is to not take all that you have and all that you are, for granted. Peace.

  • Erin

    Love your blog. Don’t know what I would do without it. You have expressed so many things I’ve gone through that I have not been able to express. You are one talented woman!

  • http://crimsondevotchka.wordpress.com/ crimsondevotchka

    i smell green people! we LOVE chuck, more pics, yes, please!

  • Katie

    I know that it is not right to wish mental illness upon someone, but I do upon your hatemailers who criticize you for being open about your depression. I don’t know if it their own shame that has them belittling you for something you can control the onset of as much as you can control the appearence of a birthmark on your right buttock, but I hope there are more people like you raising fabulous children than there are people like them raising close minded brats. Can I nominate you to be the Betty Ford of Depression?

    BTW: I adore Leta, you helped change my mind about having one of my own.

  • http://www.belgianwaffle.net Anne

    Why am I not popular enough to get hatemail, why? It’s just so unfair.

    On a completely separate note, I have recently heard that Mormons have to wear special underwear when going on missionary work. Is this true? I could try to harness the power of the internet to find out but I know that a reply from dooce.com would be more reliable.

  • Amy the Mom

    Must.muffle.laughter. Coworkers already convinced I’m a little off. The picture of Chuck….oh god….

  • http://www.startingfresh-ssfb.blogspot.com SSFB

    There are free tampons in Utah?????

  • Smelly Liz

    LOL! Seriously, people have too much time. Fuck ‘em.

    Question: What lip gloss are you using? Please answer in your next post if possible. You should try Stila lip glazes, if you dare.

  • http://www.startingfresh-ssfb.blogspot.com SSFB

    and PS… I don’t even like dogs and I still love the pictures of chuck. He makes me want a dog!

  • http://NicoleB Nicole Barnes

    Laugh out loud funny today, especially the picture of Chuck. I find it humourous the amazing number of negative people in the world today, don’t they have something better to do? Like standing on the street corner expressing their rage at the constitutional right to freedom of expression? Ha-Ha, keep up the brilliant writing, no matter what it is about……

  • Emma

    Sweet Jesus in a toaster, Heather, I love your fan club of stupid people. Deland reminds me of someone I’ve heard from before…. IN FRANCE!!!!!

  • http://www.randomandodd.com Kristine

    Okay, normally I hate it when you post the hate mail, because I just see a mob of people attacking these idiots that don’t have any thing better than to write you hate mail…but then I saw the picture of Chuck taking a dump.

    Classy. We can hang out. Bring Captain Morgan.