Back in 1998 when I was living in downtown Salt Lake City, in a pretty sketchy neighborhood, or I guess as sketchy as a neighborhood in Utah could possibly be (where people smoke cigarettes! and drink tea!), someone broke into my four-door Honda Accord and stole my state-of-the-art JVC cassette stereo. And I was hopping mad about it until I noticed that the thief had broken in through one of those small triangular windows in the backseat, making the clean-up and repair minimal. He could have smashed any of the four bigger windows, or even the windshield, but he didn’t. He cared that much.

That is a thief making his mama proud.

I should have opened up comments on my last post (so I will on this one) because many of you have sent me stories of your own encounters with car thieves, and my God, they are too good to keep to myself. Like this one from Alyssa:

My friend and her boyfriend were driving across the country back to college with an entire carload of stuff when the car was stolen.

They were stranded in Arizona, but managed to get back to Chicago where they got a call that the car had been recovered.

There was almost nothing left of the carload of stuff, save for one thing – every last book.

So at least we can rest easy knowing that the thieves have our crap, but we can kick their asses on Jeopardy.

Shit. You’ve gotta believe something.

Jon and I heard recently that Utah has one of the largest rates of car stereo theft in the country, and we were sitting around trying to figure out why, what is it about Utah? And why car stereos? And the only thing we could come up with is that thieves in Utah are so inbred — see: a history of half-brothers and sisters getting it on at the compound — that they are too dumb to know how to steal anything of real value. LIKE THE ACTUAL CAR. And when I think about it that way it just makes Utah seem so cute.

  • ma2one

    Here in NYC a junkie or crack head smashed my friend’s car window and stole her 12 year old daughters school book bag.
    Child could not be happier parent, the parent NOT happy!
    Parent had to pay the school for the stolen textbooks and find a classmates notebook to photo copy the whole terms school notes.

  • ma2one

    Here in NYC a junkie or crack head smashed my friend’s car window and stole her 12 year old daughters school book bag.
    Child could not be happier parent, the parent NOT happy!
    Parent had to pay the school for the stolen textbooks and find a classmates notebook to photo copy the whole terms school notes.

  • Jerolyn

    Last summer we got up and noticed my husbands car trunk was popped open, so we both ran out to inventory the stolen. Inside the car like yours, was a mess-napkins, change, about 30 Mountain Dew bottles. In the trunk we thought they had stolen his softball bag with several very expensive bats. My husband was pissed…upon futher inspection, we found the bat bag was merely hidden under the HUGE mess of junk in the trunk. Then we were just embarrassed to think that that mess probably frightened said thief away.

  • Kate

    Back in 1992 I bought my first car, a 1987 Ford Escort which was a piece of junk and was stollen one weekend when I was visiting my boyfriend. It was replaced in early 1993 with a Toyota Tercel which my friend promptly named “Constance” for the constipated-shit-brown color. I loved that car.

    It only had a radio in it, but it did have a cup holder, which I loved. And after driving the car cross-country and watching it roll over to 100,000 miles in 1995 someone tried to break in and steal the radio. Except they were incompetent and were unable to get it out (not that it would have been worth, oh, ANYTHING). So I came back to my car and discover they had jimmied the door and they had taken nothing except they had slammed my radio so hard that it no longer worked.

    Frickin’ morons.

  • tinjuchic

    Two years ago my friends car was broken into using a can opener. They had sliced a pretty little hole around her driver side lock to get in, in order that they might steal her PORTABLE CD PLAYER, circa 1998. Do they even MAKE CD’s anymore!?!

    Man, if you need it that bad…take it. I hope somewhere a car theif is enjoying a nice pack of Bubble Yum on us. Cheers.

  • anne nahm

    Wow – nothing makes you want to break your foot off in someone’s ass than when they steal something you need that can’t help them.

    When I was living in LA, I had my car stolen, got mugged, and had someone try to break into a beach house we were renting on Christmas Eve. Those last two things actually turned out to be gifts of sorts:

    But while I can get behind the spiritual oneness with the universe re: mugging by knifepoint? I’m still pissed about the car theft.

    Don’t you miss LA?

  • lmnop

    I’ve never had my car broken into, but thieves apparently aren’t all that picky. A couple of months ago, I was rear-ended and got a new car. Less than a week after driving my cute new red Audi home from the dealer, I came out of a physical therapy appointment (for the accident!) to find the dealer plate stolen off the back. Maybe they wanted the dealer’s phone number? Of all the things to steal off an Audi…why a plastic plate???

  • traceyp

    I’m sorry your car got broken into Heather, I know how much that sucks, I had my car stolen twice 8 years ago (it was a 1978 Honda and very easy to break into apparently), well the first time the car was recovered the next day and the little boogers had trashed it inside and out, it was in the shop for two weeks getting repaired, at least they didn’t wreck the engine which I had been diligently running in after it got new rings. They took my gym gear though, and yes I had just worked out in it, and my contact lens case, without my lenses thankfully, left behind the sweater I had knit myself, guess they didn’t like it, well I do, I still have it. So I went out and got a steering wheel lock after that, but didn’t put it on one night at work, and yep it got stolen again, but this time the only thing they took was the wheel lock, probably because I had stopped keeping anything else in my car. Not that it would have been any use to them, I had the keys.

  • momof3

    My father-in-law once bought a re-po’d truck that was missing the face plate on the stereo. (I think the previous owner deliberately took it off out of spite.) He was able to find a replacement at a flea market.

  • jenjennyjennifer

    I haven’t had my stereo stolen out of my car but I can understand the feeling of being taken advantage of by thieves. Over Christmas we went to visit my in-laws in Houston and after we had returned home we realized that while my luggage was at the airport someone decided they needed some new underwear,,, and took all of mine out of my bag. Nothing else was taken. Some airport worker is walking around in my best undies. All with me now,,, eeeeewwwwwwww!

  • Clairebell

    I had the same thought when I passed a car in DC that had been broken into: “That was nice of them! They didn’t break a window.” My tour guide/apt finder friend said: “No, it’s quieter to break than the rest of them.”

    Nice, eh?

  • gesikah

    Not long after my husband and I moved into our current house, someone stole the stereo out of his truck (breaking in would have required that the doors have been locked), right in our driveway (several vehicles in the neighborhood got hit).

    The really sad part? It is a 96 Chevy and the stereo was put in that same year.

    After I got over being all pissed and indignant, I kinda felt sorry for the person(s) that would go through the trouble of stealing a decade old stereo. Hell, you probably couldn’t have eBay’ed it for shipping, especially since the display no longer worked.

  • Iona

    When I was maybe 7 my mum’s car was broken into in a mall parking lot. I had just purchased my very first BRAND NEW Brownie uniform (Canadian Girl Scouts). I was thrilled. I think my mum lost some pretty valuable items (a purse or some such grown up thing), but the fact that the thief took my Brownie uniform felt like a personal attack. I have never felt so violated. Why would the thief want MY brown dress? Of all the dresses in the world? Mine!? Disturbing.

  • Jen

    I live in a niceish neighborhood on the east bench of Salt Lake. I’ve lived here almost all of my life, and at least as long as I’ve been driving, and so I’d never been in the practice of locking my doors (or even rolling up my windows) until recently. I’d never had anything happen until last fall, when I left my extremely beat up ’97 Subaru wagon on the street over night and didn’t lock up. I figured that since we live directly across from a ward, people thinking about breaking in would think twice and fear the wrath of God who I’ve heard does not like thieves. I was wrong. The weird thing is, whoever broke in didn’t take anything good (radio, iPod, headphones) but they did take all the paper out of my glove compartment. And a toothbrush. And they left the door ajar.

  • veg4me

    I was 10 years old when my parent’s house was robbed. They stole the coin collection my father and I had labored over every Monday night during the Muppet Show and they stole my parents camera with a 3/4 used roll of film.

    I always was freaked out by the vision of the thieves having photos of me in pictures frames around their house. It wasn’t until many, many years later that I came to the realization that they probably didn’t pay to have the roll of film developed. I don’t know why that never occured to me. I seriously pictured some criminal out there with a snapshot of me in his wallet, parading around pretending I was his kid.

  • tksinclair

    My car was stolen in broad daylight, in Hollywood, right off a main street while I was in a therapy appointment trying to deal with a recent assault during an attempted robbery.

    I walked out and right where I was sure I left my car was an empty space. No broken glass. No trace of my car. Just a big empty space.

    I sat there for 10 minutes staring at the empty space before I walked back to my therapists office to call for help. I told the receptionist who told the therapist and my therapist came out to walk me back downstairs to wait for the police. My primary thought and fear all the way back down the stairs wasn’t that my car was missing or had been stolen or about the Christmas presents I’d just bought and stashed in the trunk (that I was never reimbursed for – those would only have been covered with Homeowners Insurance, not car insurance even though they were stolen from my car, not my home) it was the fear we’d get back to where the empty space had been and my car would suddenly be there – having never been stolen at all.

    Fortunately, well, in a way, the car was still “gone” and my therapist could only feel pity that someone who had recently been assaulted during a robbery now had her car (and recently purchased Christmas presents) stolen in yet another robbery.

  • Patti

    I live in Logan, and about 2 years we bought a house. About 2 weeks after moving in, our car was broken into. Yes, I left the doors unlocked, but really, this is Logan. As I was getting into the car that morning, I noticed all the CDs were strewn about the passenger seat. As I started looking closer, I realized that none of them had been stolen. I guess my taste in music isn’t what an 18-year-old punk wants. As we called in the incident to the police, they told us there had been a rash of incidents around our area, and if we needed to make an insurance claim, they could provide us with a report if we could state what had been stolen. When we told them that nothing had been stolen becuase John Denver isn’t what’s hot right now, they got such a kick out it. Glad we could bring humor to the local cops.

    We also decided to let our neighbors know so that they would make sure to lock up their cars. To our surprise, our next door neighbor already knew about it, as the thieves had taken our around the corner neighbor’s dog and put him in the next-door neighbor’s car. Jackasses.

    Good luck in the future with your stereo.

  • hello insomnia

    Once my gym bag was stolen from my car and to this day I still blame those punks for the ten pounds I’ve been ferrying around. They not only stole my new sneakers, they got in the way of my fitness goals.

  • Candice

    Luckily, I have never had anything stolen from my car. Probably because it’s the ugliest, cheapest-looking piece of crap ever made and no one even entertains the idea that there might be something of value inside.

    However, many years ago, my brother had his truck broken into. Every single CD he had bought in the past ten years was in it (Why he kept that many CDs in his truck in the first place, I’ll never know), and they were all stolen. And I swear to God, he cried. He cried BUCKETS. For days and days. And if I called him right now and asked him about it, I promise you that he would get all moody and quiet and say, “I don’t want to talk about.” and hang up.

    He really liked those CDs.

  • solaana

    So weird – my car just got robbed a month ago – they got in using one of those skinny slidy things you can use on older cars (90s Civic here) and tore up some of that rubbery stuff that holds the window in place? Whatever it does? And they took a bunch of mix-tape-cds, which really pisses me off, and my stereo which doesn’t piss me off at all because my insurance and magic and got me a new one for double what I paid for the old one. Course now that stereo is worth more than my car but whatever.

    A friend of mine got robbed in Chicago, though, and the guy took her old stereo and tried to rip her city sticker off. Failed, but he decided to take the 1/3rd of the sticker he did get off. Smarty.

  • JennJenn

    OMGPONIES I loved the last entry so much that, for an instant I became so filled with love that I almost forgave my Father in law for saying, “You are so wrong Jenn” when we were having an arguement about having to remember a high school algebra equation that I think NO ONE will ever have to remember unless you’re, like, a scientist or math teacher and that’s when my Father in Law shouted in my general direction, when I wasn’t even talking to him, “You are so wrong Jenn”.
    Huh, thanks Pops, never thought of that before.

    Anywho, loved the article, love all the writing. And buy those moisturized tissues, even though they don’t get the boogers out when you pick your nose, they still feel good when you blow your nose. You know, FYI and all.

  • Courtney

    I live in a slightly sketchy area of Kansas City, MO. (Really, most “decent” areas of KC, MO are slightly sketchy.) One morning my fiance and I went out to his car to find not one of the little back windows smashed in but BOTH. One of his back locks won’t unlock when you pull on it, so they had to go around to the other side, AFTER cutting themselves and letting the blood drip all down the inside of the door.

    There was nothing to steal in the car and he had his trunk latch locked, so they couldn’t get into the trunk without a key. They tried to steal the car, but either got interrupted or were too stupid to actually do it. They steering column is all smashed up, and we are poor grad students so we still haven’t gotten it fixed (6 months later). We just kind of smooshed it all back together so that he could get the key in the ignition.

    The best part is, they snapped the end off the little slidey thing for the temperature. So now we have to pinch at this little sharp piece of plastic whenever it’s too hot/cold. We would have glued the end back on, but they apparently TOOK IT.

  • Jaycee

    My friends got married a couple of months ago. They were due to go on their honeymoon early the next morning and made a special effort to get the wedding presents out the car that night. Luckily they did because the car was missing when they went to leave for their honeymoon.

    The car has since turned up and they were able to talk the airline into getting them on a later flight.

  • farm girl

    Last summer my brother had his car stolen from in front of his house. Granted, he left the keys in it … but he wasn’t too worried. The gas gauge didn’t work. A Hwy patrolman found the two teenage boys hiking down a country road because the car had ran out of gas even though the gauge said it was full. Talk about kharma!

  • Aunt Jenny

    My honey is currently in Detroit on business four days a week, and yesterday his sunglasses AND BOTTLE OF ANTIDEPRESSANTS were stolen from his hotel room.

    Housekeeping CLEARLY knew not the hell they were unleashing…

  • Hoper82976

    Many moons ago (I was 17 at the time) I had a huge crush on the father of the kids that I babysat for. His name was Bob and he drove a new Mazda Miata. Bob loved to party and would arrive home with his wife drunk many times. Even though his wife had already paid me, Bob would try to give me more money as I walked out the door. Not just a few bucks but 20 dollar bills that I would refuse (yes, I was a honest girl at one time).

    Anyway…one weekend Bob headed out to party with his buddies in his new Miata. The next day his wife woke up to find Bob passed out on the couch with muddy shoes and no Mazda Miata. It turned out that Bob got smashed and smashed his Miata into a ditch. He was too scared to call his wife so he walked the three miles home in the rain.

    Once the wife found out about the night before they took the kids and headed towards where he thought he left the Miata the night before. The Miata was there, but someone had taken a sledge hammer of some sort to the rear end and windows. His cell phone bag, tapes and his golf clubs were all missing.

    Needless to say, the car was totalled out.
    Amazingly enough, he is still alive and married.

  • heartbreaker

    Oh yes…

    Theres no way to say this nicely, but I am a total slob and when I don’t regularly clean my car, the side storage compartments get filled up with tissues. One day I moved the tissues into a rubbish bag, which I put in the compartment in the back seat.

    So my car got broken into one day, WHILE LOCKED IN A CAR PARK WITH A BARBED WIRE AROUND IT, which I will never understand. They clearly went to great lengths to get to my car, as it was the only car in the carpark. My 1984 Ford Laser Gertie, as dirty and sexy as she is.

    So the next day, when I went to get my car, I KNEW I had locked it. And it was open. Turned out they went through EVERY damn thing in my car. They turned out every dirty tissue, so they were lying all throughout the car. Bags of them. Every single freakin’ tissue, nothing was left upturned. Did they think I was hiding diamonds in there?

    So I guess the only thing they actually got from that was the flu. Oh, and about 50c and $18 blue lights at the front of my car. Of course it cost like, $70 to fix the door.

    My boyfriend has also had his car broken into twice in the last two years…once they broke the side panel as well, but he wasn’t quite as accepting as you were.

  • Valeta

    I don’t understand why people steal stereos. Who buys a stolen stereo? Also what is the jerk that took the face plate only going to do with it?

    When I first met my husband he had his stereo stolen out of his car. So I went with him and got a new one installed. A week later someone broke into his car again and stole the face plate of the new stereo and broke open his dash board.

    That was over 2 years ago. He still has the same car. There still is no working radio in it. He thinks it will just get stolen again.

  • Catsoup

    Good Lo’. Here’s the weird part: you get your stuff stolen in Utah, but not in the world capital of car theft and all around crunk mess, Memphis.

    I’ve lived in and around it for 34 years now. I know.

  • Shannon

    My best friend from college moved to Chicago from Wisconsin. Shortly thereafter, his old, used Toyota Corolla was stolen along with his phone. The police recovered his car along with the phone a few days later. The next day my friend gets a call on his cell asking for some random guy. She says she was looking for her boyfriend and apologizes for “having the wrong number.” My friend says, “Honey, your boyfried stole my car.” The next day, car is gone again – never to be recovered. Moral of the story: NEVER mock a thief’s girlfriend.

  • snoozie

    Like another poster – I left my keys in the door lock of my car near the corner of Rush and Division in Chicago (really busy night-life neighborhood). I stayed over at the b-friend’s apartment and come morning couldn’t find my keys. Yup! Someone had tucked them neatly between the door handle so it didn’t look to conspicuous. That was nice.

    During my wedding reception, my car was broken into and my CD player stolen. Not so nice!

    cheers, all!

  • nanookie9

    Many moons ago I was carjacked in New Orleans. It was sometime in the 1995-1997 time frame, and the movie Dangerous Minds and the song Gangsta’s Paradise were popular. I had my Coolio tape in the tape player, of course. Anyway, when we got the car back the tape was missing. We figured that because the tape wasn’t there it meant that the carjackers had stolen the one thing they thought was worth something. Months later when I cleaned out the back of the car (filled with all sorts of crap- clothes, shoes, papers, feather boas, mardi gras beads, dirt, empty boxes- you get the point) I found the missing tape and realized that the true gangstas who had jacked me probably had a hearty laugh at my choice of music as they tossed the tape over their shoulders. The story was funny when they had stolen only the tape, but the story got about 3,000 times funnier when they had actually thrown the tape in disgust.

  • Shannon

    While I was still in college, my car got broken into . . . in my parents driveway . . . while we were all at home! They took the face plate off my radio, cracked part of my dash before they realized they weren’t getting the whole stereo without actually removing the dash, and took my cell phone charger. Cell phone chargers, by the way, aren’t covered by car insurance, but homeowner’s insurance. With a really high deductible. When the new face plate finally arrived, we discovered that they had also taken the trim ring that goes around the face of the radio to make it look pretty. You know, because that may be of some value. The entire book of approximately 100 CDs in my car? Still there. Go figure. After paying to replace the charger that wasn’t covered, my neighbors found it in their bushes a few weeks later. I just couldn’t believe someone had broken into my car right there outside my bedroom window. Creeped me out totally. Jerk.

  • Tirzha

    When I was in college I would park my car a the Park ‘N Ride station and take the Light Rail the rest of the way to school in downtown Denver. I returned to my car after class to find that my window had been broken. Not broken with a rock or a stick mind you. Broken with someone’s hand. Not a hand wrapped in comfy protective layers of shirts or gloves. Just a bare hand. There was blood all over the door and my seats. It actually looked quite nice on the blue leather. A sort of art project gone wrong? Anyway, they also grabbed the faceplate to my stereo and some empty CD Cases. My CD folio was still laying on the front seat untouched. Dumb Asses.

  • one hot mama

    The best car break in story I know of happened to a friend of mine that was living in Southie (Boston) at the time. She was parked on the street and had a bunch of stuff on her passenger seat that she needed to mail, including thank you notes from her wedding. Among the missing items was all of that mail, including the thank you notes. She was pretty peeved about having to write them all again on top of dealing with being broken into. But guess what? About a week later she found out that people had received their thank yous. Apparently whoever broke into her car was thoughtful enough to mail the notes for her.

  • Daphne

    Last year, right before she was going to have BONE SURGERY (like literally, two days before), my girlfriend’s car got stolen. That sucked, but it also completely sucked even more because in the car was her DOCTORAL DISSERTATION, with all the corrections and markups and changes from her committee, which she hadn’t had time to put into the electronic document yet. Luckily, two days later (the day before her surgery), we got the car back, full of crack and meth paraphenalia, a huge ring of skeleton keys, various disgustingly dirty car-thief tools, a gigantic woofer or sub-woofer (whatever those things are) in the trunk that wasn’t ours, someone ELSE’s identity stuff (bills, credit cards, etc.) plus plenty of dirty socks and underwear. Whoever stole the car was clearly A. doing a lot of stealing 2. Really stupid, since they didn’t throw anything out of the car (including, thankfully, the dissertatino) and they also left the license plates, registration, etc. IN THE CAR and 3. a completely disgusting human being.

    So we got the car back. She had surgery. Her family and I had the car completely detailed to get rid of all the drug yuckiness. And then, a month later, as she is still completely bed-bound, the car is stolen AGAIN. This time by slightly smarter theives, who completely stripped down the car, license plates, everything. We also got it back, MUCH more damaged then before. It sucked.

    As soon as she could walk again, we moved to a safer neighborhood.

  • CuteIvan

    Many years ago a car my then-boyfriend (now husband) was keeping for a friend was stolen in Austin; once recovered, we discovered the joy-riding car thieves had only taken our mixed tapes and the book “Ways of Seeing” by John Berger, which I had not finished and have never gotten again, although I was enjoying it… More recently my parents’ car was expertly broken into while we were all in San Antonio; we couldn’t even tell how they had gotten in! They took all the good stuff like our digital cameras and my mother’s purse. Despite all of the frustration and pain-in-the-ass-itude it caused my mother to cancel all of her credit cards, etc., the upside is that their insurance reimbursed us a ridiculously large amount for our old crappy camera so we only had to spend a little more to get a Nikon D50! Yippee!

  • MissEmtoo

    Six years ago, we drove across the country from Denver to New York. My father-in-law had driven a U-haul containing the contents of our apartment; we took only our clothes, CDs, and things of value that we didn’t want left in the unsafe U-haul.

    You can see where this is going.

    While we were staying in Memphis (I highly recommend Graceland and the Civil Rights Museum, by the way), our car was broken into. A cop with an almost unintellible accent (made Heather sound positively British) and the world’s biggest hairlip — I swear I am not making that up — greeted us with the happy news.

    Although the thieves left most of our clothes, food, and a few random other things, they took everything else, including…

    our credit cards
    my husband’s guitar
    over 200 CDs
    the box containing every last scrap of information pertaining to our wedding (we were getting married in three months) — every contract, every torn out magazine article on ridiculous hairstyles…
    our wedding RINGS
    our favorite books

    A lot of that I understood. I mean, you can hawk CDs and, heck, the wedding rings should have fetched the thieves a pretty penny.

    But what ticked me off were the stupid things they took.
    Like the box of thank-you notes written to me by my students (I’m a teacher). Although the money and general respect that teaching brings in certainly make the profession worthwhile, those little scribbled notes are, like, essential if you want to keep on teaching. What the hell did some stupid Memphis thief need with my students’ notes???

    And also the Graceland souvenirs. We’d picked up oodles of Christmas presents for family and friends, and now these asshole thieves had stolen them. As if they couldn’t pick up an Elvis nightlight just around the corner ANY TIME THEY WANTED TO??? They had to steal OURS???

    And finally.
    The bag of bags.
    We’d brought our dog with us, and so we’d also brought along a plastic bag containing a bunch of OTHER plastic bags to pick up her poop.
    And the thieves took the bag of bags.
    The bag. Of. Bags.
    We couldn’t even clean up our dog’s crap because of these idiots.

  • Muffy Wong

    Instead of giving you the details, PLEASE read this blog post a friend of mine wrote about a friend of HERS who experienced some true “car ma”

  • CallistaWolf

    This happened to us once. Someone broke into our minivan when we were living in an apartment by popping the lock on the passenger side. They stole our car stereo (which, I was stupid enough to leave the face plate on the stereo otherwise they probably would have left it be.) and an entire book full of cds (though most of them were homemade) as well as our jumper cables. Go figure. I was SO MAD. It’s awful feeling violated like that. But the insurance company paid for a nicer stereo to be replaced so alls well that ends well. ;)

  • George

    A friend of mine, an English professor, was moving across the country with a car full his worldly possessions, including a collection of rare books. (You can see where this is going, maybe?) Thieves broke in and stole everything but the only things worth thousands and thousands of dollars.

  • RuralSuburbiaHousewife

    My high school boyfriend and I went to the movies one day. As we were leaving, we noticed that his parents’ Mitsubishi truck was gone, with another one in its place. It had been stolen.

    When it was recovered the next day, the only thing they had stolen was the battery. They did, however, take the knobs off the *factory* stereo and leave them in the ash tray. Evidently, the police told them that what they did with the knobs was the thieves’ way of saying that the stereo isn’t even worth dismantling. It’s their way of insulting you…in addition to actually taking your vehicle, I guess!

  • Joe

    ok THAT ends it.

  • Stacitee

    Up in Vancouver, BC, Cananda (we were visiting family there) our Camry was broken into. The drivers side window was smashed. They left the stereo and every single other item in the car except my spare car keys and $5 cash.

    It cost $250 to fix the window… all so they could have $5 cash.

    Why do you need the car keys if you aren’t going to steal the car? THAT IS JUST MEAN!

  • Evanzstox

    We had a black Honda. It was a magnet for theft. The H’s were ripped off the wheels a zillion times, the doors broken, and stupid items stolen such as a $5.00 crystal charm and my lip smackers. One night a bastard thief tried to steal the car by jamming a screwdriver down the ignition, the damn screw driver broke off and the Honda was left lifeless, causing over $800.00 in damage. A year later, another fool tried to take it but did not succeed. That thief only caused about $500.00 in damages.

    3 years later, once the Honda was paid off, and moments after my husband put an ad in the paper to sell it, the Honda that we named after a Disney princess was finally stolen, never to be seen again. It was a relief, to finally have the Honda pass on. The most upsetting part was that I left a punch card from Beans and Brews (my favorite coffee shop) inside the Honda, and I only needed one more punch for a free coffee.

    Every now and again I think I see our Honda driving in the distance, I have crossed over highway islands, and have nearly been hit by Tracks (utah train) while trying to get a good look, but Jasmine is never there, only a fragment of my imagination, or the Honda’s way of letting us know she is all right.


    Bossy’s Mazda hatchback was stolen right off a city street. Bossy came out of her apartment, unaware, on her way to art school and walked up and down that block for an hour looking for her little white car and thinking she lost her mind. But: Nothing. Except this: her two-year-old’s car seat, left leaning against a front step, the harness tucked into its latch.

  • janet

    I can’t beat the 666 plate or the neon blue rabbit vibrator. I haven’t laughed this loudly in awhile. Thanks.

    I received an 18 lb. ham for Christmas from the really generous hotel/casino I worked at in Vegas. The thing was frozen solid. Since even in December living in Vegas is kin to camping on the sun, I threw it in the back of my Buick Skyhawk hatchback figuring the sucker would thaw out by the time I got home.

    I had a few errands. Oh all right, I stopped at my then asshole gambling addict good-for-nothing boyfriend’s apartment. Upon leaving, the window of my hatchback was busted and the HAM WAS GONE. Why the ham? What was I supposed to tell the police? They broke into my car and stole my ham?

    I was forced to eat the 49 cent 24-hour Palace Station big ham breakfast the rest of Christmas break.

  • rella1

    We had a thief a few years ago who traded… he/she would break in and take something, but also leave something. Some of the trades included:

    stolen change/ left air compressor
    stolen lotion, tissues, cigarettes/ left “Gone with the wind” video
    stolen Jam tape/ left bottle opener

  • sneakyleq

    When I was a teenager I worked as a hostess. One night I had parked behind the restaurant in the alley where the busboys were contantly going in and out to throw out the trash so I figured it was safe enough since all the other employees parked back there.
    When my shift ended I got in my car, closed the door, and a bunch of glass had slid onto my lap. I couldn’t figure out what had happened as everything appeared to be intact and nothing stolen. I finally realized that someone had poked a hole around where my registration and inspection sticker were and stolen my newly updated stickers! Bastards! It cost me almost $300 to replace my window which was a fortune to a starving college student!

  • Carolyn

    Nothing is worse than the feeling that someone you don’t know has been pawing through your things. I accidentally forgot to take the faceplate off my husband’s stereo a couple of years ago and the whole thing was stolen. So was the car charger for his iPod, the pennies in the ashtray, and a little piece of blue glass that was hanging from the rearview mirror. Not stolen? The dozen or so CDs in the car. There must have been a dozen in the glove compartment and center console (and the thieves clearly saw them) but for some reason they were left behind.

    After we got over the initial shock of having our stuff stolen, I ventured to joke that whoever had broken in thought my husband’s taste in music sucked. It…did not go over well at the time.