• http://annenahm.com/ Anonymous

    The coup de grace being a cold puppy nose poking your butt when you finally calm down? :^) This is a funny post indeed.
    Life wears size 13 clogs when it of kicks the ass of modesty and sense of grace, huh?

  • Icyonez

    I’m in love…

  • TheMadVixen

    So I say to my boy, “You have to go read Dooce today.”

    “Funny?”

    “It’s right up there with Leta pooping out her pants and Chuck trying to eat it.”

  • http://alldrainsleadtotheocean.blogspot.com Emily

    This happened to me yesterday! Right after I read this! I should have listened!

    But it was rain, not snow. And my super furry white puppy was eating some other dogs explosive shit, it got ALL OVER her face and the smell threw me into dry heaves because I’m pregnant.

    Or more accurately, the smell would have whether or not I’m pregnant. UGH.

  • Marsha

    I needed the laugh today! Shit eating dogs and frozen boobs will do it every time!

  • http://reia.livejournal.com Sarah

    That is an awesome story. And totally sounds like something I would do.

  • http://perksofbeingme.blogspot.com Brittany

    I must say this is the funnest thing I have read in a while. It made me smile at the thought.

    I’m sitting here in South Carolina, and today it’s cold (for us) at 50 degrees, but last week- it was in the 70′s. I love it. However, it still gets too cold for me in the winter, and I would love to move where it is never cold. I can’t imagine being where you are.joey

  • http://www.pogonipnv.blogspot.com pogonip

    Heather–Love aussies, shit-eating or not. Anytime you need a puppysitter for Coco-Loco, I’m only a little ways (8 hours) west on I-80..I’d offer to adopt, but I know frozen poo isn’t gonna entice you to give up the delicious silkiness of an aussie pup. Great post!

  • http://www.pinkpuffysleeves.blogspot.com Julie

    My daughter says crayon the exact way Heather does, and we don’t even know Heather, nor do we live in Utah. The concrete thing has me quite curious….

  • Anonymous

    this lady’s blog entry reminded me of one of yours: http://jillshalvis.com/blog/page/19/

    I’ve been an alien in my oldest teenager’s eyes for oh, about the last few years. I can’t pinpoint the exact moment I lost her, somewhere between the advanced reading copies for HER SEXIEST MISTAKE arriving on our doorstep when she had friends over and the time when I accidentally middle named her in front of a boy on her sixteenth birthday.

    I embarrass her. Sometimes it’s my clothes (and I still maintain that there’s nothing wrong with sweats and bunny slippers as long as they’re clean!) and sometimes it’s the words I use (apparently calling flip-flop sandals thongs is a federal offense). Other times I embarrass her by just breathing. It’s a little demoralizing really. I mean I was never cool but I was never THIS uncool either . . .

    Then the other night I was watching tv and she plopped down next to me, set her head on my shoulder and said “I love you, mommy”.

    You think you’re prepared for such a heart-tugging statement moment but it’s like someone’s been shooting you with a bb gun every chance they get and then one day they make you chocolate chip cookies, and you’re suddenly glad you didn’t sell them on the white slavery market and move to the Bahamas with no forwarding address.

  • http://mes9193.blogspot.com Meghan

    Oh…my…god…

    I’m grateful to know that this has happened to someone else besides me with their dog. Thank you for helping make sense of my life and my dog.

  • Kappy1

    Ahhh, the life of a mom. This is why we don’t shower often. The whole house goes to hell in a handbasket the minute you put your head under the water.

  • http://www.elissamerola.com Elissa

    Well at least you know it didn’t make the tabloids. Cause you know, if that happened in LA, you’d be in the tabloids.

  • http://jennilsimmons.blogspot.com/ Jenni

    Oh my Lord, this is one of the best/funniest things you have ever written. Thank you.

  • http://finnsspace.wordpress.com Kathryn

    replace Coco with Maggie my golden retriever, poo with dead and infested salmon (that I am highly allergic to), dinner guests with 15 family members and your husband and daughter with my sister’s now (thank GOD) ex cruising lava life oblivious to the chaos, and what you have described is pretty much my Christmas Eve 4 years ago – frozen hair, exposed body bits and all

    fun times!

  • http://deescribbler.typepad.com/my_weblog/ Dee

    All puppies eat their poop. It’s totally disgusting, but there you are. They also like to hump your leg. I feel strongly it’s God’s little joke, like he’s saying “Hey, here’s the cutest creature alive, but LOOK what nasty things it will do! Isn’t that hysterical?!”

    “If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans.”
    Russian proverb

    Dee

  • Tracibeth

    Crating dogs cruel, but stopping them from eating their own feces is intolerable. Dogs are people, too, and people have the right to choose what they want to eat.

  • http://amandawest.blogspot.com Mama West

    FREAKING HILARIOUS!! I cried when I read this because I was laughing so hard!!

  • http://hmft.blogspot.com HMFT

    I always told myself that I would comment if I was in the top 100 commenters. Now I am indeed in the top 100, and DAMMIT I have nothing witty or smart to add.

    I will digress, however, and say that Bippity Boppity Bacon is oh-so-wonderful. I shared with anyone who came near the computer, and all have laughed. Heartily.

    Do check out Jim’s take on Hot Pockets.

    “hahtttt pahcketttsss…”

  • Whitney

    Just wait until she starts the rolling in her own and other dog’s poop. Mine does that now.

    I will will walk her and she’ll be sniffing along the ground. Daintily approach and old pile of poop from another dog who’s owner apparently doesn’t know that there is a reason we all save our Wal-Mart bags so we can pick that shit up, sniff it, raise one paw in the air ever so elegantly and then violently plop her self down in the poop and start to swim in it.

    I thought it had something to do with territory but then I saw her do the same thing in her freshly laid poop at my boyfriend’s house.

    I have been over at more than one friend’s house with Maddie and they ended up giving her a bath because they thought I might drown her in the tub if I had to do it.

    She used to eat her own poop and she also eats the most disgusting things (also has a love for the crotch of my dirty panties) but I still let her kiss me on the mouth because she loves me like know other and I love her like no other.

    Funny gross dog story: http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/lax/115400264.html

  • http://ipokedabadgerwithasoon.blogspot.com Christine

    If it’s any consolation, I can totally relate…

  • Krissa

    You know, now that I’ve been thinking about it, your story and many of the other stories that have been posted in comments, sound very much like something that would have happened to a character in a Janet Evanovich novel. Specifically, Stephanie Plum. Hilarious!

  • http://www.southerndoll.blogspot.com Courtney

    This is the most hilarious post I have read in quite some time.

  • Anonymous

    So you make enough $ that you & your husband don’t have to work running a website that you only post on about 3 times a week? Where do I sign up?? And the latest subject is your dog eating its own shit. NO shit. Where’s the talent, here?

  • http://www.strangeite.blogspot.com Strangeite

    Star bits are VERY important. The sooner she learns that lesson the better

  • NOLA fan

    “Anonymous said:

    So you make enough $ that you & your husband don’t have to work running a website that you only post on about 3 times a week? Where do I sign up?? And the latest subject is your dog eating its own shit. NO shit. Where’s the talent, here?”

    Aahhh. There’s the hate. I was reading all of the comments waiting for an insane person to anonymously say that wearing clogs makes Heather a bad mother or your dog eats shit because you got it from an evil puppy store or some shit, but instead, after 330 fawning comments, Anon says you have no talent. Right.

    Now, I will say the reason Leta has so many temper tantrums is that the weight of her enormous eyelashes keeps her in a constant battle to not tip over… Love her, love you, Heather.

  • http://jenniferhast.blogspot.com Jennifer

    I feel so guilty laughing, but I just can’t help it. But I have to know, Did your guests enjoy the puppy fricassee you served them? And what is the right wine to serve with poop-eating dog?

  • http://www.iambossy.com/ BOSSY

    And what did you make for dinner?

  • Anonymous

    Our vet told us that sprinkling meat tenderizer on their kibbles will stop them from eating their poo.

  • Anonymous

    First I want to say that you CRACK me up! I’ve only been reading your blog for 3 days but I love it! Also I am aware that you will not likely read this (how could you keep up with all the comments) but I’ll go ahead and post it anyway.

    While reading your ohhh soo funny story about the poo-lish-us treats your dog was snacking on, I was also watching CBS News Up To The Minute. I like you but don’t know you well enough yet to mute the TV while reading. Sorry. Lol!

    So anyway, I look up to see a story about a lady that lives in England and her dog named Connie. Not to make your day worse…. But this lady’s dog does not eat poo, she does everything that is difficult for her owner! I’m not kidding, she picks things up, gets what the lady asks for, (like her glasses) and even loads the clothes dryer! I hope I’m not rubbing salt in your wound, you have got to see it for your self.

    You will see the irony in it I’m sure. Maybe you can teach your poo eating dog to do some of these things to make up for her bad habit! Lol!

    http://www.cbsnews.com/sections/i_video/main500251.shtml?id=3720314n?source=search_video

  • Erin Nemastil

    So… Umm… How come that didn’t make it into the Daily Photo?

  • SayYesh

    Best. post. ever.

  • http://www.bohemiangypsyqueen.blogspot.com Amanda

    “I should head straight back into the house, but somehow that makes me feel like I’m admitting defeat, and I will not be defeated by a seven-pound SHIT-EATING CRITTER…”

    So … you were having one of those days that YOU JUST HAVE TO WIN. That’s OK. :)

    Your blog makes me happy – thanks so much for sharing the little quirks of your life that so many people work hard to hide … You’re the best.

  • http://www.allconsuming.blogspot.com kim at allconsuming

    so what was for dinner?

  • http://www.bestwellnessconsultant.com Mother Earth

    I am new to dog ownership and one year ago acquired a very mixed up siberian husky, new into the game we had a crate incident where upon opening the gate – she looked straight at me and then ate a mountain of it, I thought i was going to die

    i swear it was like she did it on purpose

    seemingly a one time incident

    i also write “it’s a dog eat dog world” stories

    at my blog best of mother earth

    your daughters eyelashes are inspiring, and i wish 20 years ago that I had access to my voice and all the wonderings expressed so wonderfully here

    Mother Earth aka Karen Hanrahan

  • CollyP

    Ugh….I have soooo been there,sister. You made me laugh out loud with that one.

  • http://mrslsl.blogspot.com/ Laura

    I love this post. My puppy does the same thing! He loves to eat his own poop – almost more than his dinner. And like clockwork, immediately afterwards he gives me a big kiss on the face.

    How do you teach them not to do that? If you find the answer please let us know!

  • Jennifer

    I cannot tell you how hard this story made me laugh. Especially the line “every time I lean down and try to grab Coco the coat flies open and I’m flashing my boobs to the audience of squirrels in the pine trees.”

    I can’t believe you don’t have your own sitcom. I would watch it every frigging time it was on, without fail.

  • Michele

    Funniest damn thing I’ve read/heard all day.

    I had a dog that partook in the “feces-eating” festivities also – my vet told me there was a pill to make their feces taste bad… My reaction was – “Bad?! It’s shit. Doesn’t it already taste bad?! I have to make it taste worse?!” He laughed for ten minutes.

  • Cornelia

    Are you trying to kill us all with laughter?? I would have paid serious money to have witnessed all of that! You could write abook with all of your stories.

  • http://www.thedalaimama.net dawn

    Oh, how much I absolutely love you. I am laughing hilariously as someone who has also been forced outside sans clothing for dog related reasons, usually in the middle of the night while my darling hubby sleeps unawares.

    Thank you so much for the humor. I will laugh for while with that one.

  • http://blog.quixoticmiss.com Quixotic

    Maybe try pineapple chunks added to Coco’s food – I haven’t personally tried it, but it is meant to help dissuade them from indulging in coprophagia. Tomato juice added to the food also helps stop a bitch’s urine from killing off the grass on your lawn – I have tried that one. :)

    Hilarious post by the way. Great image! ;)

  • Anonymous

    and the youtube video of this is where?!

  • http://www.amyrollo.com Amy

    THIS is the reason I check dooce.com multiple times a day for updates.

  • April

    You notice Chuck does not appear in this story. Because he’s fake.

  • Kirsten

    We have our 3 and a half year old daughter collecting star bits while we play too. Luckily, she has never emptied all the star bits at the wrong time, at least not yet. I’m sure it is bound to happen eventually. :-)

  • Lonna

    Fortunately, I do not have a dog that eats its own feces. I have cats who are a whole different ball game. But I wanted to say that my son is exactly 1 week younger than Leta, and we have the exact same father-child “discussions” about star bits at our house. I thought that I had the only nutso three year old who was hooked on the WII. Whatever you do avoid the Lego Star Wars Complete Saga for WII. It has totally taken over my house!

  • manda

    This was fantastic! My old dog LOVED eating her poop. It was so awful. My new dog Charlie is absolutely repulsed by her poop. If we are in the backyard playing fetch and her ball lands by her poop, she gets this look on her face that just screams, “CONTAMINATED!” But I think all dogs enjoy the occasional cat poop.

  • http://thegospelaccordingtowinifred.blogspot.com/ Captain

    Just when it couldn’t get worse the poop-stained tongue licked you.
    I’m terribly worried that you have pneumonia. Thankfully that isn’t yet the punchline.

  • http://www.sarcomical.com Sarcomical

    ha! well, i CAN tell you that those star bits are quite important, at least that’s what my husband says when he’s frantically waving the other wii wand at the television.

    on a side note, my sympathies over the dog poop-eating dog. except, in my case, it was THREE dogs over a period of 5 years in puppy succession, with CAT CRAP BREATH.

    …dogs.