Forgive me
In sickness and in health, through the irrational demands of a wife who regularly struggles with obsessive-compulsive disorder: the Armstrong marriage survived another home improvement project.
Maybe because he's been taking Prozac, or maybe it's because of all that HOT HOT SEX, but when I told Jon what I wanted the wall to look like, he said something like, why aim for perfection when approximation is so much easier? Which is the most romantic thing that has ever come out of his mouth, so I pushed him down on the floor and ripped off all his clothes.
We could have bought all sorts of different tools and spent hours making templates to make sure that everything lined up perfectly, but instead he held up one mirror while I stood back ten feet. And then he moved it up and down per my estimation. From there we eyed everything else armed only with a laser level, a pencil, and one sturdy hammer. And so what if one or two frames are a few centimeters out of alignment? WAIT, DID I ACTUALLY JUST WRITE THAT? Is this what therapy does to you? Turns you into a person who can walk by a crooked frame without reaching out to correct it? Why not just save a little money and smoke pot every morning?
We were originally going to print out six photos, but I realized that I had a whole bunch of illustration prints tucked away just waiting to be placed in permanent homes, so we hung the prints instead. Potential problem: we had already hammered nails into the wall to hang the frames horizontally, and three of the prints that I wanted to hang were intended to hang vertically. Solution: pretend not to notice. So three of the prints on the wall are hanging THE WRONG WAY. And I'm not kidding, just now when I wrote that my left nostril flared to the size of a grapefruit.
Is it just me, or is this post starting to feel like a painful, awkward confessional? Internet, I once cheated on a high school science test. In college I let a boy touch my boobs. Two years ago I stole salt and pepper shakers off a table at a fancy restaurant. And I have only repented for two of those things. The third thing was so much fun that it didn't feel right to say I was sorry.
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Heather talks about Valentine's Day on today's Momversation.
- I know zero about sports, but my entire heart is screaming, "Go Saints! Go Saints!" I am a stereotypical woman. TAKE OUT THE GARBAGE, JON!
- Marlo has a tooth! So says the blood that she drew when she grabbed my hand and tried to gnaw off my thumb!
- Leta won't eat her birthday cake. I guess we should have made it out of chicken nuggets and iced it with refried beans.
1. Sandra said:
At least Jon didn't hang the pictures a foot below the ceiling, which is where all of my Chinese relatives like to hang art.
2. Dawn said:
looks perfect to me!!!
3. Lanna Lee Maheux-Quinn said:
It looks great!
(And I hope that it was the boob-feeling that "was so much fun". Because, if it was cheating on a science test... I would wonder.)
4. megan said:
I love that you have so many aesthetically-pleasing framed prints/paintings/reflecting surfaces on your walls! Really puts the HUGE BLANK WALL in the kitchen/living room of my apartment to shame.
5. Karrie said:
Beautiful :) I'm glad I'm not the only psycho who likes straight things. And that can flare their nostrils when irritated.
The wall looks great.
6. abigail said:
you are my favorite.
7. Melly said:
Dooce.com has been this last week's distraction for me. Starting from day one, it's been such an intriguing read, sometimes in a "feels so right but has to be wrong" kind of way.
It just keeps getting better.
8. Clara said:
Congratulations with this! I spent last Sunday just trying to hang 2 pictures, one of top of the other...I had never done this before, and just all the leveling and measuring and not hammering nails in straight ... I was going mad o.0
9. shaunacon said:
Love it! I may just be making a tip to Ikea to pick up some of those mirrors.
Glad to hear you are making progress with the OCD thing. Trust me - I know it can be hard to overcome.
I must confess I have too stolen salt and pepper shakers from a restaurant. I just couldn't find any I liked at the store and they were just sitting on the table begging me to take them.
10. Jill S. said:
It used to be, my husband wouldn't let a single nail mar the walls he built with his own hand. Then we had children and they colored on the walls and said Batman did it, and he loosened up.
11. lomagirl said:
What was the fun thing? Oh! That. Yeah. I should have guessed.
Your wall looks fine. All of the previous perfection attempts must have made you good eyeballers.
12. scargosun said:
Love the design! The mirrors add great dimension. We did something similar with pics and started the smae way you did. Put the first one up and laser the rest. I am still overwhelmed by the patience of my husband at that time.
13. Deb (Missives from Suburbia) said:
Wait... my OCD forces me to hang things immediately and overrides my compulsion to have them hanging perfectly. Maybe you can train your OCD to do the same thing?
14. Jill said:
But look how much closer the whole installment is to the right side of the wall? Ya couldn't have at least centered it?
*wink*
15. theSpectrum said:
As a fellow OCD victim, your post made me hyperventilate until I passed out at work for 20 minutes. HANGING THE WRONG WAY!? AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Can you warn me next time you're going to type something so scandalous!?
16. little brother said:
Is it just me or is the mirror in the upper right just a little higher than the one on the left...
;)
17. Keri said:
Looks good!
I bet you know exactly which ones are off by just millimeters and by how many, right? ;P
18. robinv said:
"why aim for perfection when approximation is so much easier?" That is my personal lifetime motto! I just wish I could get my husband to buy it!
19. SarahThe said:
With those fabulous prints, I'm not sure order or symmetry matters.
20. Workman said:
I've got to agree with Dawn and others. I can't see anything wrong with how they're hung.
Perhaps I've got the opposite of OCD. What would that be? Slob's Disorder?
21. Toni said:
I love it. Your guys did a GREAT JOB!
22. Cici said:
Victory!
23. val cox said:
It looks great, I love the simplicity.
You have more restraint than I, as I could not go the second day without repositioning that lower right mirror up and the the left about a 1/4"!
24. Erika said:
My husband always says it's easier to ask forgiveness that to get permission. I guess it makes it a little more difficult if you're not actually sorry, but I'm sure we can still work with it.
25. J. said:
Forgive ME, but more about the ripping off of the clothes, please!!
26. Kayla said:
You are hilarious! Hearing that Jon is taking Prozac reminds me of when my Mom called me to tell me she started sneaking Prozac in my Dad's orange juice and, "He's so much perkier."
Oy! Tell Jon, "Real Men Take Prozac."
Kay
27. Julie said:
My OCD keeps me from hanging stuff up in the first place. Or maybe it is my ADD. I can't remember.
28. koz said:
Progress, gorgeous progress.
29. angelawd said:
It looks great, but I would always know things were out of alignment or hung the wrong way, and I would never be at peace. I don't know how you do it.
30. Heather said:
It looks awesome. I love the layout. At least you didn't end up with 14 useless holes in the wall... (thank you mother-in-law)
31. Cassie said:
Haha, good for you two. It looks great! I tried the parchment paper thing you guys did in the kitchen, iirc, and it worked great. But the second project - same way you did this one. By eye.
Good job!
32. Sheila said:
Now that you are over how everything has been hung, you can start focusing on how many times you will get to clean those great mirrors that are "Leta fingerprint" height.
It looks great!
33. Danielle said:
Those look really damn straight for no laser level!
I'm impressed.
Slightly jealous, but super impressed! Way to let go- Any pointers other than prozac and therapy. I'm already doing that...
34. stephanie said:
Looks simply smashing!
But do take a look through that doorway at the pictures hanging in the next room. Is it me, or is that photo of Leta in the bottom right corner tilted a little bit to the left? (wrings hands)
35. SmallPlanetLibrarian said:
Sigh!
Well this is depressing.
Your house all tidy with real artwork lined up and my study still decorated in 'Late Computer' (hanging computer cables, bookshelves with test equipment in Rubbermaid boxes and a printer box used to store current reading).
Could your next picture at least have some dust in it?
36. inga said:
Heather, your blogs make me chuckle from beginning to end. I love your writing style!
The place is LOVELY by the way! :-)
37. Nina said:
It looks absolutely great to me. I've been thinking about what I could do (that would be both cheap and nice) on our dining room wall. Thanks for the inspiration!
38. Amy said:
You have a very progressive marriage. I have to be out of the city, preferably out of the state when home improvement projects are attempted. Problem is in our house taking out the garbage must be considered a home improvement project.
39. firefly said:
The real test would be to re-position the prints, which would require you to move the nails ... but don't fill the old holes.
Just hang the prints over them.
Double dare ya.
40. Mari said:
Your living room wall looks great. Would you ever consider posting photos of your house now that it's decorated?
41. Becky said:
Breathe girl! It looks great and it will all be ok.
Smoke lots of pot too. Just cause.
42. jill said:
I have so much to learn from you... Seeing crooked pictures/mirrors almost always send sharp razor type pain down from my brain to my pinky toes. I guess I will try to lighten up because this looks fantastic!
ps... two years ago I stole salt/pepper shakers from a cheap mexican restaurant and don't feel bad either! They look great in my kitchen!
43. Amy said:
My husband and I are getting ready to buy a home. I swear I'm flying you out to Lancaster County, PA the day after we close to decorate. Love it. Love it all.
I heart Dooce's style.
44. Erica aka littlefirecrackr said:
It looks GREAT! I would never have known about the "WRONG WAY" photos. Congrats on a job well done and no divorce in sight.
45. bridget said:
i need to smoke pot to deal with my husabnds OCD, ADD
how about jon?
46. MustangSally said:
but what's up with those pictures in the other room that you can see through the doorway? They're looking a little crooked to me :p
47. deb said:
I'm tired of depression, it sucks the big one. Maybe I should try weed.
48. Manda said:
It looks fantastic. My boyfriend has OCD and ADD so when he does a project it ends up perfect but it takes him four times as long as it would for a normal person.
49. Jessica said:
The question is, which one are you considering the third thing? ;)
50. College Mama said:
You are forgiven. Now, go and sin some more.
51. Patti said:
For some reason I think the third item you refused to confess because it felt so darned good is the thievery, not the boob touching.
Just had to put that out there....
52. Red Hot Mamma said:
I like it! Looks perfectly straight to me.
Of course, I'm also the type of person who [ahem! allegedly] smoked pot every morning at one point in her life. Allegedly.
Also, I LOVED the post and pictures about the coon in your chimney. Awesome.
53. Karen said:
I think it looks great and I love the wall color.
54. gala said:
i tried to help a friend hang a 100 pound mirror high up on the wall of her store on friday. Leveling that b#!&ch of a thing almost gave me a heart-attack, realizing it would never look level unless we sawed of 1/8th of an inch off the clothes rack below the mirror made my nostril flare big, but when we realized the one place where the big hook needed to be drilled in for the mirror to hang at the appropriate angle DID NOT HAVE A STUD, i lost it. and she called in a professional. congratulations on making it through this project without anything but a slightly flared nostril!
55. Ms.SingleMama said:
I love it!
I especially love the throwing down the husband part. Made me wish I had one for a second there. : )
56. Emily said:
I love the mirrors.
Emily
57. Dawn H said:
I still love that circle picture you can see in the mirror. Did you ever find out if the artist is interested in selling other works?
58. James | Double Danger said:
That brown one second from the top left... definitely isn't straight. ;)
Looks great. Therapy does work!
59. BaconPecanPie said:
It looks great!
The mirrors look like windows to the other room.
60. Natasha said:
LOL. Was wondering where you were all weekend.
That IS progress. After struggling to get 3 heavy glass shelves up in my bathroom aligned and level perfectly with no studs behind and no fancy laser tools, and I can't begin to tell you how Hellish this was, I finally got them up and DIDN'T EVEN CARE that the bottom two ARE NOT LEVEL by like, 2 whole millimeteres. How anyone could not notice is beyond me but apparently, I'm the only one who can tell. Whatever. I just won't live in the bathroom.
Then my daughter was walking around the tub the next day and knocked into the shelf and it came crashing down. While I screamed as I never have before, the good Mormon girl inside me refrained from saying "Get the hell out of here!" and just said "heck". And I felt sooooo proud of myself. Then I died. Because you can be proud and immensely pissed off at the same time.
And if she had asked me, "Mommy, do you love this shelf more than ME?" I would have screamed, "Yes!!!"
It looks good.
Have you tried that gummy stuff made to hang papers or whatever onto walls to hold your frames straight and perfect for eternity? Works great.
61. Robin G. said:
The lower left mirror is a little out of alignment with the upper left mirror, and it's kind of killing me.
*shame*
62. Chilao said:
Forgot what Kent said on another topic; I just had to forward your dooce link to my sister as this is some of the funniest stuff I have read in awhile.
But I have to stick up for pot smokers as I can smoke pot AND straighten the tilting picture frame, in fact I am kinda (clearing throat) 'retentive' about picture frames not squared. LMAO
Okay, well maybe I smoke on the weekend and square the frames mid-week, but...
63. Robin said:
Lovely. I love the reflections in the mirrors. Nice photo.
64. Natasha said:
Ooh, that's so true: It is easier to ask for forgiveness than permission. This has occurred to me but never so succinctly. My husband probably thinks it's my motto.
Heather, just wanted to add: Is it an illusion or is there more wall space to the left of the mirrors than to the right of the prints? Like, is the whole thing centered on the wall? Is this something that you've made peace with? I have a similar wall grouping with more wall space on one side than the other and it bothers me every day.
I'll have to write down Jon's quote. I love him.
65. tracy said:
funny timing for me with this post. my husband is out of town for a funeral, so my brother installed knobs on my kitchen cabinets for me over the weekend in preparation for house guests this weekend. he was very careful to have the knobs perfectly measured because he knows just how crazy, I mean, neurotic, I can be. Seams in the flooring must alternate, lampshade seams must fast the back, not be visible from the front, you get my drift. I am very proud of you for letting your project be imperfect!
66. Andria said:
heh! I love it!
67. anne said:
oh my goodness - all those straight lines - they look amazingly lined up! i do the same thing (everything needs to be symmetrical and -p-e-r-f-e-c-t-l-y- straight...or i get very very angry....!
68. Margo said:
I have the same Camilla Engman prints and had to laugh because my husband and I went through HELL trying to hang them perfectly and symmetrically only to hate the final (imperfect, assymetrical) effect. So we trashed the "template" and went haphazard and drank to forget.
69. Nancy said:
I love your brain!
70. Cootera said:
I hope you read this and answer: what is reflected in the upper left mirror? I love it. It reminds me of a Klimt. A very colorful, happy Klimt.
71. Kim said:
I am in the middle of painting my kitchen and my OCD is threatening to cause my head to explode every time I have to move my kitchen table to open my refrigerator. So I put my beer in a cooler. Problem solved.
72. Cristina said:
Ditto about the wall color--could you tell us what it is? I have been obsessing lately about repainting the bedroom and was thinking about more of a robins-egg blue but when I saw your photo, I think that shade would look way better.
Please share!
73. Beth said:
Wow! I'm so proud of you that I might just cry. This is a big step. Now, how do you feel about the labels on your can goods? Do they still ALL need to be facing front, or can some of them be backwards? Baby steps Heather - baby steps.
74. Krissa said:
Oh, dear. Now I am just worried about you and how you will handle it if you ever happen to look at this wall when you are off your meds.....Or are needing an adjustment. Like I do now...
Great job tho!
75. french panic said:
smoking weed instead of therapy will only help temporarily with that whole "coping with life" thing. then your resistance to it increases and you need to buy more and more weed just to get that wee tinge of happiness you once clung to and then you are just as broke and depressed and fucked up as with therapy. plus there's that whole "screwing up your lungs" thing. cancer something-or-other....?
not that I've ever smoked weed in an effort to deal with "life challenges" or anything. No. Not me.
76. randomdtd said:
Nice! I also like how the reflection in each mirror looks like they could be completely different rooms. You have a lovely home!
When I had to hang pictures of two sizes, some horizontal and some vertical, I actually made an X and Y axis on the wall and used math. It's the one and only time I'll ever use math. At least I hope.
77. jw said:
"why aim for perfection when approximation is so much easier?"
My husband's philosophy is, "Better half-assed than not assed at all."
78. The Domestic Goddess said:
See, you are better than I am...There has yet to be a home improvement project where we're not all, "SHUT UP! GO AWAY!!!" And the kids aren't staring at us wide-eyed wondering if one of us is going to get out the Santoku knives.
Nice prints and pics.
79. Liz said:
You know when you're reading a book, and when it starts out you're all in love with it and the characters and the way the author has of putting something you've thought of before in words you never could have come up with, but they're perfect? And it's a thick book, so you're comfortable as you allow your affection for the characters and the writing to grow, night after night as you look forward to your time away with the story. But then you're halfway through, and there's this gnawing feeling that The End is near and you'll have to tell everyone goodbye. Until, finally, you're in the last chapter, and it's SO GOOD, and you can't believe the author had the NERVE to end the story, and you read the "about the author" information looking for some sort of continuity, but it's done, the story's over, the characters have had their say and are gone forever.*
That's why I like reading your blog. It's all the fun of reading a good story with characters that you really grow to like and you find yourself looking forward to finding out what they're going to do next because you're pretty sure it will be sweet, irreverent, funny, heartbreaking, familiar, difficult, and entertaining, all at once. Or maybe that's the seven dwarfs. But there's no "end of the book" gnawing at me. Every afternoon I can look forward to reading what's new and being touched or amused or informed or whatever that day's entry is about.
Your blog is my favorite virtual living room.
* The last book that I felt like this about was "A Prayer for Owen Meany".
80. Melissa said:
That's exactly how we hang pictures. Of course then I have to go by them a hundred times and straighten them.
Any wonder why I take happy pills?
81. Sher said:
I really like your nose, so I hope the flaring thing is only for the moment.
I am really envious of your affection for Jon. Me..not so much anymore with my husband.
But he hangs pictures better than I do.
(sigh)
82. Laura said:
Longtime lurker here: I figure you might be the best person to ask about this - I'm going to All Points West music festival in August. I'd like to be able to appreciate all the artists I'm GOING to see before I see them - where should I start with Radiohead?
83. Courtney said:
I really like those prints you hung up. You are probably familiar with this website http://www.etsy.com/index.php
but if not, I think you (and your readers) will really enjoy it. Lots of great stuff!
84. Heather's Garden said:
OMG -- they look great, but I would not be able to sleep knowing that 2 of the prints were sideways. How will you manage? I'm not even kidding either.
And don't beat yourself up too much. I've come home to find all my photo frames on top of the entertainment center a millimeter off from where they belong. I have yelled at my husband for moving them to dust and not putting them back correctly. I know, how could I berate a man who's been kind enough to dust?
Our marriage survives because he refuses to help me with these kind of frame hanging exercises any longer.
85. Nate said:
We were up last night doing this exact same thing in our bedroom, hanging black and white prints in frames. There was a thunderstorm raging outside and, frankly, one in our marriage, too, but once we got them up we immediately commenced with the hot hot sex. Then - the bourbon.
86. PaintingChef said:
Stealing salt and pepper shakers is a compulsion of mine...
And our marriage survives because I tell him what I want the end result to look like and then go hide in another room for a few hours until it is done.
Also? Because he does floors. And windows.
87. amy said:
that's called progress!! and why does your home look so beautiful? why? with a kid and two dogs? how?
88. heathermcc said:
The walls look great - well done.I got a 'professional' in to hang my mirrors and art as i am not that handy and the one in my living room (which is screwed directly into the wall thus cant be altered without tools) is not straight - apparently he used a spirit level - more likely he was on the spirits - its drives me crazy every time I look at at - but not enough to get someone to fix it!BTW I am commenting from home as work just got a brand new, shiny, all singing, all dancing internet filter - and due to the pornographic content of your site its blocked!!! No more lunch time reading for me - crap, shit, fuck
89. RubiaLala said:
Look at you...you're growing. The wall looks great, you can't even tell that you eyeballed it. Good job, good job.
90. Wild Dingo said:
I don't get it. There's a set of 4, then a set of 3s... how does this work for certified OCD #s validation? Oh, wait, ok, here's how to OCD-approve it: 4 x 6=24... 2+4=6. So 6 is the central # here. Phew. Thought I may be up all night worried over the inconsistent #s.
I'm a newly addicted dooce fan. Thanks for the giggles. and as for the not-so-nice e-mails last few posts down... don't religious loons make you giggle? They're so funny you don't even have to try to make fun of them.
Hope to meet you in hell some day...cuz apparently that's where I'll be.
91. Chrissy said:
I always apologized to the boys for NOT letting them grope my grapefruits.
I tried to survive the homemade radiator cover my husband attempted to make, but when he purchased steel mesh used to reinforce concrete (read: mosaic-like razors) to make the screen insert, I had to put a stop to it. It's not that I don't trust my husband, but sometimes, I think his copious gas-attacks get to his brain and he sniffs a bad fart and then thinks, "I should wrap my toddler's radiator in barbed-wire! YEAH!" Needless to say, the radiator is covered with a cardboard box wrapped over it, then a blanket over top of that, then duct-taped down. I'm an equal opportunity asshole, and I refuse to pay $500 for a radiator box.
It's awful bad when you love them so much you look to the other awesomeness to overcome the horrible. I assuage my guilt of not letting him build with the fact that he is hot and good at tech.
92. Amber said:
a few cms off...i don't think i could handle that.
how about if your kid brother insisted on opening every cupboard and drawer in the kitchen and leaving them just to drive you crazy, would you be able to ignore that?
;)
93. Anonymous said:
How cool would it be if every other print is hanging the other way!? You should space it so you can right the wrong ones...just for shits and grins...
94. LD said:
Then me pointing out that one of the pics hanging in the hall appears to be crooked won't bother you a bit! :)
95. Jenderella said:
i wish i could say i had a grip on my OCD and could have used the whole approximation method to wall hanging. alas... i had to go with perfection and use this kit: http://www.thepicturewallcompany.com/index.html but i must say, the results are fantabulous and i'm stoked about the finished product. Kudos for not killing each other in the process.
96. Shelly said:
Hey--I totally get the OCD and the confessional.....I've been blogging about my own OCD issues. Today, my first thought during an OCD moment, was "I need to blog this"...I was in the bathroom and was washing my hands......we have automatic water spigots...in that you push the lever, and the water stays on for a pre-determined amount of time. There is NO WAY anyone can sing 'happy birthday' twice to make sure you are washing properly...the water turns off too soon!! One is then forced to RE-PUSH the faucet, thereby contaminating the hands AGAIN, needing to WASH more...it's a vicious circle.......one which my brain has difficulty managing.
97. CindyM said:
Love that wall. You give me hope that my husband and I can complete the decorating of our dining room without the need for bloodshed.
Of course my husband would have bitched the whole time saying "Why do we need that many things hanging on one wall?"
You see, he's a minimalist, which in latin means "One who is too lazy to hang more than three pictures per home."
98. victoria said:
Your house is BEAUTIFUL! You inspire me to decorate! Thank you for posting these pics.
99. Janet said:
Looks good. But of course with the photo size, it is hard to tell which prints are the ones that are hanging the wrong way.
100. Kay said:
It looks perfect! I think using the laser level will get you as close to perfection as possible. Way to go on relaxing the OCD tendancy - gives me hope!:)
101. Katie said:
Congratulations!!! I still have yet to find a med that will stop me from being so damn OCD. :-) Congrats on the step in the right direction. :)
102. Michelle said:
Am I crazy or can you actually tell that the bottom right mirror is too far to the right? Crazy? Thought so.
103. Bella said:
OMG, this totally reminds me of myself and something I almost wrote about a month - I had finally placed all of my old vinyl albums on shelves, and I actually congratulated myself for NOT over-organizing them by subcategorizing and alphabetizing. It was a big day for me to simply divide them into three piles and call it good!
BTW, I've been reading for a while (a couple of years) and I still really enjoy the way you write : )
104. Stellare said:
Nice wall.
Congratulations with survival of the marriage....:-)
105. LindzML said:
Hey, I can't let the candles that sit on the double windowsill in my room be more or less than three inches apart, so you're kicking my ass there. I love what you did with the mirrors, it looks wonderful.
106. dottcomments said:
I have so much OCD that I can't believe I'm even leaving a comment on Dooce. After all, I didn't compose it, rewrite it, have someone else edit it, hire a professional proofreader and then throw it away because it didn't deserve to be a comment in the first place.
Progress is good.
107. SARAH said:
ahh looks good! baby steps baby steps to getting over OCD tendencies is what I always tell myself!
108. Kat said:
That wall looks great...it's the one in the eating area I'm concerned about...bottom left looks a little crooked.
My sister flares her nostrils too!! We make fun of her all the time.
And raccoons killed my dog.
Bye.
109. Rachael W said:
In our suite, what passes for decoration is a giant purple butcher-paper poster with all our nicknames scrawled on it in artistic fashion. As I write this, the poster lies crumpled in a heap behind our sofa, where it has fallen for approximately the hundredth time in about two days. In comparison, a few non-level frames aren't too shabby, but I totally hear you about needing things be perfectly aligned -- unfortunately, everything I hang tilts slightly to the left.
Basically, what I'm trying to say is that your room looks wonderful.
110. Julia said:
Were the salt and pepper shakers at least so cute that it would have been a sin to leave them?
111. Mental P Mama said:
I think it looks fabulous. Love the mirror quartet. And I can just see that flaring nostril; I think I had my own flare here.
112. Amy said:
My cousin/roommate was on all sorts of anti-depressant cocktail therapy. One day she just said "To hell with it!," went off it, and started smoking pot. She's never been happier or more stable.
113. A Seattleite in Paris said:
The wall looks great. How long do you think the wrong-way prints will last?
114. Liz said:
LOL...I bet you didn't confess the college boob-touching incident. That had to be a thrill, no? Unless he was a disgusting perv.
115. Anonymous said:
He was NOT a disgusting perv.
116. Andi said:
So look, if I need pictures hung, will you come and do them for me? I will pay you, I've done it before. But the damn interior decorator charged way too much and now whenever I look at those pictures my brain screams "SUCKA!!!" I have no problem, however, paying you in liquor or dog treats, whichever you seem to be most in need of at the time.
117. lentilka said:
I relate to your post on so many levels. My geeky husband has a thing for perfectionism and the punch-in-your-face way of showing his underlying love sentiments.
I can try to look at this often infuriating feature of his with more humor now while remembering this post.
The mirrors are very clever, btw. It makes your well designed room reflect on itself as a kind of selfportrait.
118. Xnij said:
Beautiful as always Heather!
Way to go girl.
119. Justin said:
I can't help but think that having HOT SEX and boobs in the body of your story will bring some rather interesting characters who may be unhappy to find that your whole website doesn't have a single boob picture of detailed story of HOT SEX. Still, I hope they enjoy your site :)
120. David Vogt said:
You didn't repent for the shakers, right. Somehow I think that God (even MormonGod) would have to chuckle about that.
121. girlwithamask said:
Okay, in the spirit of confession...
I have spilled red nail varnish on mum's cream carpet and just covered it up with a rug.
OH.MY.GOD.
G.I.M x
122. Hey You (thehuckablog.com said:
Where did you get the prints? They are lovely. Confession: I have spent way to long trying to figure out which ones are sideways....
123. JMB said:
It looks fantastic!
You know my OCD/OCP is bad when I'm looking at the picture and contemplating flying over to Utah JUST TO FIX THAT. Something in the universe is crooked and it has been brought to my attention. Now I will have a whole new set of things to distract me.
124. hautepocket said:
My brain hurts.
125. ALF said:
Can you come over and train my husband that it's ok if life isn't perfect? We had to redo our deck step because it wasn't level - it was 1/8 inch off over 16 feet. We need the help of dooce.
126. Leslie said:
OMG ... I choked on my dinner when I read that. Teach me to eat dinner in front of the computer!
127. Erin The Great said:
Nothing feels better then letting the OCD go. being a former indulger of the 'self medication' or pot myself, I can tell you that although it works in the moment, it'll only make you paraniod that your frames aren't perfect later on... But far be it for me to deny anyone that pleasure. Congrats on finishing your project.
128. okello said:
Oh, I'm jealous. I'm a photographer who has bare walls at home because I just can't ever get around to decorating them. Congrats!
129. Melanie said:
I was doing okay until you confessed that there are prints hanging the wrong way. Perhaps it is I who is in need of therapy, as that confession nearly caused me to vomit on my laptop.
Looks great though! Seriously! For real!
130. Rachel said:
It looks awesome. Love the wall colour, too. I've been desperate to hang things on my walls, every day it annoys me that they are so bare, looking at this is very inspiring.
131. Stephanie said:
those Ikea mirrors will last a whole day before they start to warp and bow the cheap wood frame.
Sorry.
You could liquid-nails the framing to the mirrors.
Yea! another project!
ignore this if those mirrors are from some high-end design showroom. My eyes may be foolin' me. In which case i owe you an apology for saying your expensive frames look like Ikea. If they are from ikea, i hope you had them Ikea meaty-balls, that will make the bow and warp all worth it.
132. Kristy said:
I don't know what it was about the frame-hanging post that jolted me out of hiding, but here I am.
A lurker no more.
I guess I'm just so impressed that you did that awesome arrangement with just a hammer, pencil, and level. If I tried to do that I'd have a fat mess.
Congrats on throwing OCDedness to the wind and living to tell about it!
133. Lisa said:
Heather you are a healthier woman than I.....having the pictures go the wrong direction would torment me until I put six bazillion holes in the wall trying to rearrange them (you see, I don't have a husband). I don't take medication or smoke pot and I took too many wine bottles to the recycling center last month.
I just hope you don't get any weird emails about REPENTING. Oh yea, and you said you shot Coco today???
My favorite part is about to come....determining whether or not I am a human visitor. I didn't know there was a test for that. Gosh the words I have to type in appear to be some alien jargon. Hey great idea....is there a test for mental illness????
134. thinky said:
Perhaps you will come to my home to decorate?
I'll entertain Leta with plenty of princess garb and I'm real close to Austin!
PUHLEEZE!
135. M said:
So, you're saying all it will take to not be completely distracted by the crooked artwork in the coffee shop is years and years of therapy? It might be worth it.
136. Julie in Houston said:
The frames look PERFECT! Doing something like that would have fo sho been the end of my long time relationship with my bf. But then again he's an engineer-so he would have wanted it exact and I would have been the one saying approximate! Great job!
137. claire said:
Ok, so I know all about how colors look different in photographs and on different monitors and everything, but man, I LOVE the color of that wall! Can you give the paint color/brand? I think it might be perfect for my new bedroom.
138. Julia said:
I actually got a little bit anxious when you said you just "eyed" everything. My heart is racing just a little bit and I think I need to go lay down. Or go smoke some pot.
139. Dawn said:
The mirror on the lower right side would drive me bonkers. No OCD here though.
140. dink(y) said:
I know you don't really need 140 comments about your wall, but please tell me what color that paint is!?
I want it for my baby's room.
141. Amyd said:
Woman, I am SO PROUD of y'all!
142. Zenmomma said:
Looks great! But could you straighten that one picture in the other room just a tiny bit? It's driving me crazy.
In other words, my OCD can take your OCD.
143. Madeline said:
maybe is it BECAUSE of the OCD that you have such a keen laser-leveled eye that ultimately does don't require use of templates any longer! who knew?! trust thyselves dear Armstrongs, and pictures shall be hung in mortal perfection.
144. Rochelle said:
At least you have a laser level. When I painted my bathroom last week and had to rehang a shelf, I couldn't see where the previous holes in the walls were, and alone, I couldn't tell if it was straight. So I got something round to place on the shelf. And at first it rolled... I've also used those little perfume samples you get in magazines. Watch the bubble!
145. Peapodsquadmom said:
Oh wow...now I have hope that I, too, may one day achieve normalcy. I'd go slap nuts if I put pictures up on the wall the wrong way. So you're saying therapy is the answer? And all this time I was hoping my drugs would do the trick. Argh.
Love the wall. Tres chic.
146. tiger lamb girl said:
Those six prints to the right? Need to move up a coupla centimetres;).
Nice colour on the wall.
147. webgrrlie said:
they always say 'tis easier to ask for forgiveness than to ask for permission ;)
148. Anna said:
I've just discovered your blog over the past week and am hopelessly addicted! I'm sure many hours will be spent trying to 'catch up'!
149. Tracy said:
Wow. Can I just say I'm really impressed that you hung the mirrors at a level which is conducive to kid fingerprints! But, then...maybe that's not as much of a problem when you only have one kid as opposed to 4?
150. gitz said:
This comment had absolutely nothing to do with your photos... just wanted to say how freaking glad I am your book is finished because you post more :) Makes my day happy!!!!
151. Clayjack said:
I'm with Lanna @#3 - here's hoping it was the boobs. Then again, stealing can be fun, too.
152. Amy said:
So, I like your OCD...Picture not straight, throw down husband and have hot sex or else something terrible will happen to someone?
The OCD I know is...picture not straight, have to straighten or else someone I love will die...check again that picture to be sure it stayed straight, but did it really?, check again, return to worry about someone I love will die, so check again, continue obsessing even while having hot sex and then check right after...because someone will die
I wish I could get your OCD. Or maybe your just obsessive and that is ok too, particularly with the hot sex.
www.ocfoundation.org
Thanks for making me smile :)
153. MarkDM said:
You haven't opened comments on your photos, so I'm just stopping by to say that the photo of the woolen mills is great. Feels very gritty.
I like the tones you get on your photos. Even the Daily Chuck photos look arty. Cool stuff.
154. Lindsey said:
I've only seen my husband really pissed off three times in the six years I've known him, and two of those were while hanging pictures. The third was something equally frustrating to his obsessive perfectionism. I have hope that we, too, can get through some future round of decorating without tears. He would probably say something similar about my frustration toward his compulsive ordering and straightening of things.
155. Anne said:
And the mirrors will be a lovely "spice" to the sex you'll have in that room. See how I worked in the S & P shakers? I'm inspired that you did that--it DOES sound like fun. I'm going to make that opportunity for myself, but from where I'm living, it'll probably require a road trip.
Love the way the little vista from the other room is visible, and adds to the geometric effect.
Hooray for Jon! Better living through chemistry for all!
156. Amy Martin said:
I understand your frustration.... especially with hanging frames from IKEA.... when you install your own hanging hardware and get to put the little wire on the back yourself, it is near to impossible to hang the stupid things in a straight line... but looks like jon did a pretty accurate job.
157. Vi said:
I hope you express gratitude to GOD/SOURCE/THE UNIVERSE every day for your husband.
It is a rare individual that indulges us our eccentricities and loves us anyway.
158. Dangermonkey said:
Congrats on shaking that tick! I can't even go into a complete stranger's house and resist the urge to straighten up crooked pictures. I embrace my inner crazy.
159. Shalini said:
A laser level is totally cheating ;)
I too fight the urge to go and rehang everything in the house too.
Loved this post, as I do the estimation thing, I sometimes wish that I could be much more exacting, but I have no patience at all.
But then I see the picture/photo/whatever start to lean... and I totally understand about the nostril flaring..
Why do you always write what I think. You have a gift!
I love your blog everyday!
160. Eliza said:
I'm currently remodeling my house. It'd be great if you'd open up a post where people could post images of their favorite rooms, things, objects in their house. A communal style page. just a thought.I always love your style.
161. YvonneO said:
Omigod. At least you used a leveler... we just eyeball everything. Well, we have used a ruler and pencil to mark out spaces between pictures but that was really high tech for us.
Anyways, better that you have wallhangings that are hanging on the walls and not leaning against available space around your house for the last 6 years.
162. Ron said:
Bravo to you both...they look awesome!
It's funny, my mother taught me the old "eye-balling-it" trick when I was a kid. And I swear to God...it ALWAYS works! If I do the "measuring thing" it always gets screwed up!
Hey...and by the way, I've always wanted to ask you this...how the hell do you keep your house so CLEAN?? I mean, when you post the daily photo's of Chuck...I'm always looking on the floor to see if I see any stray dog hair.
NOTHING!?!!?
Are you a compulsive vacumer?
I am...
163. Tricia said:
Liz (Comment 79)- Thank you for expressing the feeling that I couldn't put into words myself. I LOVE THIS BLOG!
I've been reading Dooce since 2004 and I have occasional flutters of panic when I realize that Heather might wake up one day and decide she just has better things to do than share herself with a world of strangers.
The wall looks fantastic!
164. Scattered Mom said:
Well, you know, in Canada a 12 year old can go to the local hemp shop and buy a bong, but if you want to smoke a perfectly LEGAL cigarette you have to be at least 6 meters from any sort of building/doorway/etc.
Seems a little off if you ask me.
165. Undomestic Diva said:
I just put my husband up for sale on my blog. Anyone looking for a slightly used (but in good condition) husband? Anyone?
Perhaps I should go searching for my "Jon" now that I'm back in the market for a new model.
166. Scottsdale Girl said:
THIS is why I self medicate with Bacardi (tm)
that wall of frames looks absofuckinlutely perfect to me.
Rilly!
167. pogonip said:
The Sweetie is downstairs putting together a mosaic floor pattern for our powder room remodel. I am wisely upstairs reading dooce.com instead and tying my tongue in knots so I don't tell him it's 2 cm off center next time I go down and approve his efforts.
168. LeFiffre said:
What, armed with ONLY a laser level? (And a NASA team?) Well, okay, I totally appreciate the sentiments even though, back in my day we did moon shots with bubble levels and duct tape. (Yeah, and I'm about Jon's age.) First, nothing in that pic can be cm off -- maybe mms, but not cms; Second, I can't tell if any of those prints are supposed to be portrait instead of landscape, and I may be a dumbass but get point #3 before you say it; Third, it rocks that you have a Benjamin stool, too -- it's the best $19 I've ever spent. Mine's also in my living room beside the Eames bent ply pieces and the Lb Kofod Larsen rocker from Ron -- yeah, I'm the dude who snagged that one :-P This dumbass has a little taste too. Your living room rocks. What are you going to do when you run out of walls?
169. Alice said:
Holy crap! I'm so glad those are mirrors. When I first saw the picture, I thought you had made 4 square holes in your wall and framed them.
170. Sarah Lee said:
You're motivating me to take a look at a few too many blank walls in our home - thanks! There's also a few walls where I was too quick to hang up simply anything when we moved into our current home (over a year ago) - and every time I walk past I know I MUST sort it out - it just won't do!
Well, I haven't actually made any changes yet - but the thought's there. In the meantime I clipped some lavender and rosemary from the herb garden and hung them in the kitchen to try and tease out the (to date non-existent) chef/aromatherapy starlet (will take a magic genie to improve upon my current staple of bake beans on toast!).
Thanks for sharing, Sarah
171. jeana said:
I'd not repent the boob thing in college either. Fuuun!!!
172. Joanna said:
If you came over to my house your head would explode because I have hung some my art on the nails that were left in the wall by the person who lived here before me.
173. Laurel said:
I'm pretty sure therapy is cheaper than decent weed these days. I envy your "hey man, whatever" approach, as long as it's JUST THIS ONCE. It's soothing to know there are more like me out there, women labeled "Crazy Lady" by contractors as their eyes glaze over at my list of perfectly reasonable demands.
174. Connie said:
I don't even want to know what goes on in your bedroom. I just don't.
175. The Lisa Show said:
"Why not just save a little money and smoke pot every morning?"
I ask myself this ALL the time. It makes perfect sense to me.
176. melbournedreaming said:
"We could have bought all sorts of different tools and spent hours making templates to make sure that everything lined up perfectly, but instead he held up one mirror while I stood back ten feet."
What, like ORDINARY NORMAL PEOPLE would do?!
Over a number of years I have gradually been incorporating the Approximation Theory into my life, and goddamn if it isn't the hugest, most orgasmic sense of relief ever to realise that there is beauty in imperfection. In fact, now I prefer it.
Perfection is way over-rated. Ditto over-achieving. Life is not a frickin' contest, people!
177. kim at allconsuming said:
frames hung only on guesstimation?
prints hung sideways?
that new puppy has dawg gawn made you all crazy.
(on a completely different note:
1. That wall colour is serenely lovely
2. Who/what are the prints? they look divine
3. I am seriously in love with the artwork hanging on the other wall that's reflected in the mirrors that you spoke about a few weeks back. In.deep.lurve)
178. SwissBarb said:
Approximation sounds fun! I should get me some of it too...
179. kim at allconsuming said:
just read daily style.
As you were.
180. pinar said:
Perfect!! Thanks for this post.
181. Kia said:
I wish we were friends in real life (instead of just in my head?) so I could come hang out in your gorgeous house and steal all of your decorating ideas. Beautiful!
182. Leo F. Swiontek said:
Amazing,it's looking nice.One should try for their cabin too.Reflections on the mirrors is giving attractive look.
183. Anonymous said:
I love that painting or photo we see in the reflection too, with all the bright colours and circles and squares.
184. Zinzy Geee said:
Beautifully done, Heather.
In any other home I might have found it to be a bit crowded looking, but in yours it seems to fit perfectly.
I'm 100% sure that if I were to walk into your house, the first thing I'd notice would be the gorgeous frame work hanging on your walls.
You inspired me to do just the same for my dormroom with http://flickr.com/photos/dooce/1042871585/
185. Kerry said:
i think it had to be a few centimeters off to get perfect... silly how life is like that... be well
186. Anonymous said:
April Fool, right?
187. Stuffed Owl said:
Today's was the cutest picture of way-cute Chuck. Does it feel wierd knowing that total strangers are downloading pictures of you dog for voyeuristic purposes?
I joined your facebook fan club. I did the same thing for Roger Daltrey in high school. You're up there with him!
188. C-Rah said:
Seriously? That's crooked? Your poor nostrils would be doing the tango if you walked into my house. If they had enough time before you started convulsing on the floor from all of the UNEVEN LINES. The horror. I know.
I do like it, though!
189. filmfangirl said:
I saw your photo and involuntarily exhaled an envious *sigh*. So orderly and calming, your perfectly aligned mirrors and pictures. I think I've been watching too much HGTV, because I also covet your modern furniture, molding, and the hardwood floors I seem to remember appearing in some of your Chuck photos. I need to go crazy on the office supplies and arts/crafts stores soon or I'll have my own OCD freak attack!
Cheers,
filmfangirl
190. Amy said:
Laser leveling is exactly 37 times more precise than anything that hung in my house.
I suffer from being both bothered by the crookedness and being wayyy too lazy to do a better job.
191. Kimmers said:
This reminds me of the day my boyfriend randomly decided our condo looked empty without "stuff on the walls"... and with zero planning began randomly hanging things. Strangely enough, the only theme seemed to be "2 inches below ceiling line". My eye twitches every time I think about it.
192. Shanna said:
LOL well right side up or upside down, it wall looks great! :)
193. Denise said:
Here's one to make your other nostril swell, I never use a laser level I don't have one, I always eye it. I do however use a pencil but I didn't used to, I'd just pound the nail any ol' place.
194. Lisa A. said:
Stealing salt and pepper shakers is WAY more fun than letting boys touch your boobs. By far.
195. LiteralDan said:
Now you know why we have nothing hanging on our walls, very much to my wife's chagrin. It's such an effort for me to do something as precise as this, much less deciding what should go where (that's right, we already have lots of posters and pictures just waiting to hang...).
Here's a suggestion for Heather to further help deal with her anxiety: abandon the quest for perfection. It's impossible to reach, and I find it immensely frustrating to get thisclose to it, versus going totally the other way. Think of abstract art versus photorealism. One is much less stressful than the other.
Of course, this would mean you have to scrap all the amazing arrays of pictures already up in your house, and Jon might kill you if you suggest scrapping those. So take this for what you will!
196. Molly said:
completion of home projects always warrants drinks, regardless of approximation or perfection.
in that vein (not that I'm aiming for mediocrity, mind you), my favorite axiom is:
"better is the enemy of good enough"
197. michelle @ TNS said:
this post is making me hyperventilate a little.
once, in college, i stole a cocktail shaker from a fancy martini bar. walked out with it right in the pocket of some baggy cargo pants (don't ask why i was wearing baggy cargo pants to a fancy martini bar), it sill had ice in it and everything. and i was not sorry, and continue to be not sorry.
there.
198. ...loveMaegan said:
I'm not sure that pot would be any cheaper - but it's definitely more fun.
199. Sara Bear said:
I love this post as well as every other one. Thanks, Heather. :)
200. Tasty said:
That approximation statement really, truly, is the sexiest thing ever.
201. piglet said:
i have the ocd problem myself.
except, when i go to my sister's house (who is 200% more ocd than i) and mess up her pictures and turn things upside down.
it brings me more joy than i ever thought possible.
202. Reen said:
what does it say about me that the prints you have in the daily style photo, you know, the ones that you say should be hung horizontally, look to me as though they are perfectly right vertically??
203. Hippo Brigade said:
I have one of those IKEA mirrors, and you've just inspired me to buy 3 more and hang them-- without the aid of a measuring tape. Thank you and whoo hoo.
204. Heidi said:
Now you can totally mess with your guests. What? Crooked? I don't see it. And then laugh histerically behind their backs - or worse blog about it. Okay, so I am just mean like that.
205. Elizabeth said:
It was stealing the salt and pepper shakers that felt so good that you never repented, right?
206. Angelique said:
I have a 10 month old, so the first thing about that picture that I noticed: the neatly stacked magazines, etc. on that sofa table. You know, because they aren't all over the floor.
207. DeeAnne said:
Hey that is awesome! Both that you were able to hang them that way with out collapsing onto the floor and how wonderful it turned out! It looks fabulous!
I had been wondering where you were and now I know!
208. Bella Rum said:
Smashing!
209. gina said:
Whew. I am the same way - OCD to the Nth degree. If I see a picture crooked (whether in my home or someone else's) I have to fix it. If something is on the wrong shelf at Walgreen's even, it takes all my effort to not put it on the correct shelf. OCD women unite! :)
210. Aimee Greeblemonkey said:
Here's me not commenting that when I looked at the photo before reading the post, I thought, "Wow, nice, but a few of the prints look like they are turned sideways."
211. Joe said:
As someone who struggles with mental illness (PTSD), I can understand how difficult daily life is. This, though, is amazing, and I thank you for it. How different the world would be if people actually "got it" and didn't judge people based on their diagnoses.
Yeah, okay, I'm living in a dream world. So what. It's my world. Stay the hell out of it. :p
212. Jim said:
Boobs? You've got boobs? When did this happen?
213. Kate said:
I'm probably not the first to ask this but I'm too lazy to read the previous comments. I would LOVE to see the print on the opposite wall that is reflecting in the mirror. It looks absolutely gorgeous. Will you post a photo of it? :)
214. Tootsie Farklepants said:
You should totally frame the salt and pepper shakers in one of those keepsake box frames, and hang it. Right next to the cup and saucer used for your first cup of coffee. It could be your confession of crime wall. Every used to be Mormon home should have one.
215. ellen from ireland said:
OMG you are soooooooooo organized;) Love the colour of your walls. Your painting jazzes it up just the right amount. You've got style honey;)
216. Kate said:
Love the wall and love order in my home too...beautiful.
OCD is not so bad, keeps things neat and tidy!
Thanks for the post.
217. Anonymous said:
http://www.claoodia.net/expo.html
218. J. Bo said:
I'm so sorry, but I'm driven completely insane by the horizontal-but-should-be-vertical prints.
How you can sleep in this house, I'll never know.
(Yes, before you ask, I AM seeking professional help, BUT IN THE MEANTIME... you COULD put those two particular prints in the bottom row, thereby not fucking up the lateral symmetry. Much. And right now I'm imagining that you've done just that, so I can sleep.)
219. Kristan said:
Heather,
I have to admit, even though Chuck is the bread winner (of the dogs) and I love him, Coco is TOO CUTE!!!! I just watched your Vimeo videos of her (after watching Leta sing adorably) and I am pretty much cuted to death. It may take all day to recover -- NAY, all weekend!
Coco's whinier than I expected, but I think (since I don't live with her) that just adds to the cuteness.
:)
All the best to you and yours,
Kristan
220. Kristan said:
And sorry that was totally unrelated to this post. What's a girl to do when comments are closed? :P
221. Satchel said:
Take the salt and pepper shakers back.
As usual - great photography and the ability to articulate a boring story and make it interesting.
222. Sarah said:
You know the shade of blue you have painted your walls is so pure and beautiful I think I could stare at it all day. I haven't read all the comments so I have no clue how they got from your post to show off your handy work to rants about mental health. Damn good thing you didn't put before and after dead people pictures up there, Heather! I made myself laugh with that and this is all that is important. I must go buy something in that shade of blue right this minute.