Archives by date

You are browsing the site archives by date.

Because sometimes an orgasm is too much work

Jon: “So he kept asking me if we were going to expand our line of merchandising.” Me: “Yuck. Merchandising? That word has such a bitter aftertaste.” Jon: “I told him our next product would be a dooce dildo.” Me: “No.” Jon: “Think about it.” Me: “No.” Jon: “We’d call it The Dooce.” Me: “The only [...]

Animal print heels

I found these Liz Claiborne heels on the sale rack at Stein Mart, and the stars must have been aligned because they were the only pair and they were in my size. And they cost about no dollars. Jon thinks these are pushing it a bit and that it’s clear I’m slowly transforming into my [...]

Bear

Chuck is always so excited to go stay at the kennel that when we exit the freeway and turn onto the road leading to the facility he knows exactly where we are and where we’re going. And then he starts crying with anticipation. Dude doesn’t even look back wistfully as we wave goodbye. I think [...]

Where the MY STUFF! gene came from

This is what happens when you send Jon out on an errand to pick up one specific thing. In this instance he was supposed to return home with a wireless router, but when he pulled into the driveway the car almost tipped over from the massive weight of all the other stuff he picked up. [...]