• Marnie

    HA, HA, HA! Thank god my hubbie is from a country whose music is not as big on the bass, or else our Civic would look like yours right now!

  • http://mindfullymotheringtwo.wordpress.com/ Mothering Two

    LOL!!!! ooh, come on, now… civics aren’t THAT small. ya’ll will be okay.

    how old is jon? make sure he downloads, “baby got back.” he will be the coolest kid on the block.

    seriously, jon, big, bass-y, loud speakers is so, eh, 90′s. you are the dude hal and i would be snickering at if you pulled up beside us blaring music. but hey, if i had to pick a way to act out a mid-life crisis, i’d take hal buying big speakers any day.

    remember jon, its not how big it is, its how you use it.

    okay, stopping now.

  • Kris

    I can’t believe Napoleon’s penis was entertaining enough to fill an entire 15-minute segment.

  • http://www.erinkelley.net/journal/ Erin

    We have a Jeep, and the air conditioning works great — but with the price of gas right now I never want to run it!

    Glad the penis helped you out with the smaller vehicle issues. ;) Thanks for the laugh.

  • http://www.mydogumentary.wordpress.com gingela5

    My husband and I are going against this whole “going green” thing…we just bought an SUV! We’ll be regretting here in about a month when I’ll be selling body parts for gas!

  • Liz

    I’m just wondering if your gas savings were totally negated by the price of the stereo upgrade?

  • http://lovingdanger.blogspot.com Anonymous

    Randomly enough my 2000 Honda Civic also sucks donkey balls when it comes to the AC no matter how many times you get it charged or looked at it’s like one of those hand held battery powered fans that you kept on your desk in the 5th grade to keep you “cool”! BOO!

  • Cassie

    I drive a ’95 Honda Accord down in good ole Atlanta. The AC went out last fall, which wasn’t a huge deal at the time, but then March came and with it Summer (you’re from the South- you know that Spring is all of three weeks). Up until last month I was baking my ovaries in Atlanta heat and sitting in it during Atlanta rush hour every evening. I guess I saved gas, but I’m just hoping I can have kids some day.

  • http://www.janniefunster.com Jannie

    Poor Jon, every boy needs at least a couple of ponies.

  • Kathleen

    A few months ago my dad switched out a near lifetime of GM cars, and his full sized van, for a Toyota Yaris due to gas prices. The front isn’t actually too bad but I don’t think anyone much taller than my dad’s 5’10″ frame would find it too enjoyable and he’s basically the limit on the back. Other than that “little car” is a pleasure to drive and much easier on the wallet than the van.

  • http://www.forkbombr.net Stephen

    I have a 2-door 2000 Honda Civic. I feel your pain.

  • http://onedayinthelife.tumblr.com Katie

    Rasputin’s penis is also on display in a museum in Russia. I’ve seen it. It’s the size of a baby elephant’s trunk.

  • http://www.dinkycast.com Jen

    I got my wisdom teeth out when I was 26 and living with the guy who is now my husband. (Stay with me here – it’ll make sense in a second.) After I came out from the wonderful codeine haze, we had surround sound in our bed. (Yes, we have a TV in our bedroom. It makes it easier to watch porn. Ooops, did I say that outloud? Honestly, the TV is to watch Meet the Press on Sunday mornings while lounging in bed because the late Tim Russert is my kind of porn.) Seriously. Surround sound. SURROUND. SOUND. Who needs surround sound in their bedroom?

    Baby, baby, baby didn’t get him out of that one either.

  • http://breathingmoss.wordpress.com Mossie

    Little cars gotta show their balls somehow? So glad I’ve never had testicular envy. My 35mpg pregnant rollerskate does me just FINE.

  • http://goaliej54.livejournal.com Jessica

    Ha ha! This reminded me of the other day, when I saw a poor woman struggling outside of Target to get her bags into the trunk, yelling “I’ve had about enough of this stereo!”

    I drive a Jeep Patriot. Gets the same gas mileage as my husband’s Honda Accord (26 mpg or so). :)

  • http://www.firstclasstohell.com Val

    My once “ultra-conservative” husband has completely metamorphized into Ed Begley Jr. with the whole “going green” scene. We purchased a Prius in February and subsequently parked the gas-guzzling 4Runner in the garage. I drive a Toyota Highlander, which will soon be traded in most likely for an 80 mph Vespa (are we in Europe?) He has even planted an organic garden and bought a composter online. I will start to worry when he begins braiding his hair and sporting Birkenstocks….

  • Daniel

    You know what’s a fast way to get around town and is better for the environment than a Civic or a Prius? A bicycle.

  • http://vorilee.typepad.com Deva

    I currently drive a 96 cavalier that is great. Except it LACKS a/c. I’d get it fixed, but the part that broke? It costs as much as my car is worth. I drive with the windows down.

  • http://shoeism.wordpress.com Therese

    I wholeheartedly approve of your logic.

  • http://www.dearesthusband.com Katie

    That is oh so wrong.

    Not the environment part – good job on that.

  • http://www.twitter.com/__claire Claire

    Heather,

    First of all, I just have to say that I’ve been reading your blog for about 3 years now, and this is the first time I’m posting. I am in awe that I have even mustered the courage (from somewhere in the depths of my body where courage is stored) to even comment. Really, I just wanted to say that my first car was a 2000 black Honda Civic ex coupe. aka I FEEL YOUR PAIN. Not only did my AC only work when it wanted to (read: winter), but I endured 3 Texas summers in that miniature hearse of a car. You are obviously a much better person than me, because if I had to choose between global warming and enduring that again, I would say “Someone had better bring me a margarita on the rocks and some SPF 80. And possibly an umbrella for when those melted glaciers get here.”

  • http://www.skinmax.biz Tabetha

    For my birthday my husband got me a stereo for my car. Not just any stereo. He special-ordered it, along with a collection of Drum N Bass and Jungle CDs from these DJs in Denmark, New Zealand and Australia (who, naturally, are not on iTunes… that’s too “common”). The system includes some enormous round bass tube thingy and lots and lots of new speakers. I’m not exaggerating – there are LOTS of speakers. The guys at the stereo place were all “DUDE, are you KIDDING me? Holy shit!!! Wait… this is for your wife?”

    My teenage daughter, who hated my car before, now cannot WAIT until she “inherits” it. Um… yea.

    On the plus side, my husband volunteers for every errand, with Courtney shouting “shotgun” as he runs out the door, Honey Do list in one hand and ipod in the other. Life could be worse.

    Oh, and that MGMT song you recommended sounds so freakin FLY in my car.

    Just sayin’.

    Tab

  • http://www.rebelliousarabgirl.net Rebellious Arab Girl

    I read your post, and I read Jon’s. I find you two hilarious! I love how you hate it and he loves it and you two wrote contradictory posts about it. hehehe.

  • http://gorabbitrabbit.blogspot.com Sarah

    Oh yeah? Today, *my* husband told me he had a surprise for me, so we rearranged the seats in the van, crammed our three kids in, and set off for Winston-Salem, which is about 2 hours away. I thought I was getting a new couch or a bookcase or something else big and new and swanky. So we get there, and we got…Donkey Kong. Big, old, loud, spider filled Donkey Kong. Did I mention it’s spiderful? And that I was the one who got to clean it out? And the reason he brought me along is so I could help him load it (it, weighing a ton) into the van and then push it up our porch steps when we got home. Awesome. And now it’s sitting in the middle of my living room. YAY. We’re living his Silver Spoons dream, I tell ya.
    I’m with you on the satellite radio, though, it is a winner. If Donkey Kong starts to tell me about Napoleon’s
    penis, I’ll lighten up about it. That would be alright!

  • http://www.watchinggrass.blogspot.com Tamara

    Love your blog (gee, I know you haven’t heard that one before)…good luck with the small car–AC, stereo, and all. We (my husband, almost 3-year old son, and I) recently traveled from VA to SC in a Kia Rio. We’re both tall and more than a little overweight, so already space is an issue. Add everything that had to make the trip with us, and my poor son was wedged in the middle of the back seat with so much stuff, including stuffed animals that MUST sit with him, around him that he looked like ET in the closet. The AC works, but the fan only works up to “2″ on the dial–if you want any more wind, you have to hold in the knob and turn it to “3″ or “4,” which I occasionally will do if desperate enough. Gas prices be damned, take the SUV on road trips!

  • http://bestofcourt.blogspot.com Court

    As someone who just spent $1500 to fix her air conditioner on her two-door car – I FEEL YOU. Just can’t go without it in an Oklahoma summer.

  • http://www.xanga.com/yourheadispunk Jade =)

    Ha! I, myself, drive a 2000 Honda coupe (a white one). I love this car so much (it is paid off, gets great gas mileage and has caused me very little problems in the 8 years I’ve owned it, yep I love my car)…until I have to get my 2-year-old in and/or out of it. Gah, the pain of hunching over to unbuckle that blasted car seat and pulling him out of the seat itself, watching out for his gangly legs and the seat belt that’s without-fail going to snag somebody or something and cause us to going spilling backwards onto hot, scalding cement. Oh yes, I love that car.

  • http://www.thewablog.com George

    I drive a ’91 Honda Civic two door. Once I drove it from Los Angeles to Lake Tahoe on ONE tank of gas. True, it was all highway mileage, but still. 460 miles on 11 gallons. Do the math. Yes, the air conditioning, after refurb, does not work as well as new, I found out a few years ago, but think of it this way. Sweat is the new black.

  • http://www.greentreearborist.com Tabetha

    Sarah,

    I am so sorry.

    Tab

  • http://www.realityfish.com Robin G.

    Way to go, giving up the SUV, all of which were actually sent here by Satan to make Americans look bad.

    Eventually, you do get used to the smaller car (says the owner of a Saturn whose bumper is literally held on with a wire hanger). What you might not get used to is the lack of trunk space. I’m all for subwoofers in principle, but not if it means that I lose my trunk. I mean, where will I keep all my old coffee cups and out of date newspapers?

    On the bright side, though, you can drive around at night with the windows rolled down, blasting your new Death Star stereo and annoy the shit out of the Mormons.

  • http://Beverly-Useyourwords.blogspot.com Beverly

    being a grandmother I think you should drive the SUV when you are driving with Leta….s*r*w the environment for those drives

  • JLP717

    We used to have a Honda Civic, which we nicknamed “The Easy Bake Oven,” for the reasons you’ve mentioned.

  • http://www.gitzengirl.blogspot.com sara

    Someday will you please post a picture of you, Jon, Leta and the two dogs piled in that car? Please? And then tie a rocking chair on the top and bribe the Queen of Cosmetics to sit in it.

    I seriously cannot think of a better Christmas photo to save my life.

    And I want you to know that because I am homebound and this illness is kicking my ass I’m not out driving… and if being in an SUV makes your life easier you can totally borrow my carbon footprint. It’s the least I can do.

  • http://duolynoted.blogspot.com/ Melissa

    I really think that if I could see the future of my fiance and I’s relationship- you might have summed it up in this post. Thanks for the laugh.

  • http://marinebio.org Joni

    This post is, as always, funny as hell, but seriously….stop oil speculation for Leta’s future and to get back into that comfy SUV. From http://www.stopoilspeculationnow.com/

    “The oil price bubble is unfairly taxing American families and restricting our nation’s economic potential. While everyone is aware that supply and demand constraints contribute to price increases, there’s another force at work that, like gravity, is invisible yet powerful. This force is rampant speculation: http://www.stopoilspeculationnow.com/

    Every time you buy products such as food or gas, you are impacted by unregulated, secretive and often foreign commodities futures markets. Speculators in these markets are increasingly buying and selling commodities such as oil even though they have no intention of using the product. As unregulated speculators pocket billions of dollars at your expense, the price of commodities has increased out of proportion to marketplace demands.

    Please take a moment and tell Congress to act now. By adopting common-sense solutions, Congress dramatically reduce the price of oil and gas, providing immediate relief for businesses and hard working Americans.”
    http://capwiz.com/sosnow/issues/alert/?alertid=11571321

  • Andrea

    I don’t get it … trying to save money by buying a huge expensive car stereo? Doesn’t this defeat the purpose? My boyfriend’s the same way and I still stay up at night wondering why I put up with it… but I guess it all comes down to the penis. heh

  • Zak

    I’ve never understood the huge subwoofer in a car thing. Cars are just acoustical nightmares and adding more bass isn’t going to help it. I’d much rather have quality audio than quantity audio. I hope to someday win the lottery and buy the Bang & Olufsen equipped Audi. My car has a pair of subs in it – factory installed, standard in a Saab. Small subs. One in the dash and one in the back. Not trunk eliminating subs either. Works great. No need to supplement it.

    Prius. Probably my next car. The fuel savings don’t actually offset the extra cost (yet!) and apparently the environmental impact of building the battery is pretty heavy but it’ll make me think I’m doing something good.

  • http://skunkstripe.wordpress.com MeganInMunich

    Napoleon huh? Watch out for little men… and their petrified penises.

  • http://dailypiglet.wordpress.com/ piglet

    i finally have an appropriate name for my car, “a car built for hobbits”. up until i read this post, i’ve called it my go-cart. that term, go cart, is dead to me.

    you may not know this, but you are good with words. i’m guessing you could totally be on the today show with your word talent :)

  • http://advicefromasinglegirl.blogspot.com/ Victoria

    Napoleon’s penis was WHAT?

  • http://atalou.blogspot.com atalou

    This has now replaced my former favorite post, “A story about someone else’s ass”. And this is why I thanked you in the acknowledgments of my dissertation.

  • http://notesfromthesleepdeprived.blogspot.com Wendy

    Oh shit! Feeding the kid ketchup for dinner isn’t okay? I thought it had lots of lycopene and stuff.

    As for the penis… I have forgiven my husband many things because he whipped out his penis. I have never forgiven him because of someone else’s penis. This may be a new one.

  • Tami A.

    I laughed my ass off reading this post. And I know what you mean by driving a smaller vehicle. My 6 foot 3 husband and I ride in this little piece of crap called Geo Metro. I had to sew part of the ceiling and everything. But it kicks ass on gas mileage. I fill it up with less than $30.
    And tell Jon that if you see him in or around the SUV, you’re gonna parade his penis all over Salt Lake City just like Napoleon’s.

  • http://callipygianchronicle.wordpress.com Yolanda

    Because of Napoleon’s penis.

    Please, please, PLEASE make that the August masthead.

  • http://theresmoretolifethanlaundry.blogspot.com kristi

    Six degrees. To Napoleon’s penis. Genius.

  • http://chopstickbunny.blogspot.com angela

    I looove my Sirius radio SO MUCH that I don’t even care that my (newly paid off, OF COURSE) car is falling apart around me and I can no longer open the driver’s side window. The 30mpg helps also. I’m just glad I’m short.

  • http://www.davegannon.com David Gannon

    Isn’t if funny how the universe works? We have a sort-of SUV ( Volvo XC70 ) Cross Country. We also have a black civic. We try to drive the civic for all small errands and purposes other than a “family” drive b/c the kid needs a safe place to sit. I too just put a new stereo in it. I did NOT, however, put in a coffin-sized subwoofer but can understand the draw. Thank god for Nap’s penis. Saving the earth or not, you HAVE to have good tunes.

  • http://www.houndrat.com houndrat

    Yes, we also have the marvelous hobbit-mobile. Except ours isn’t even from this century, and therefore does not have those new-fangled automatic features. Like door locks. I thought roll-up windows became extinct with the dinosaurs but alas, I was mistaken.

    I’m not sure I’d want to touching old Napolean’s penis, being that he died of syphillis and all. Yum.

  • Jennifer C.

    Know what we did? We got a scooter. Scooters are soooooooo much fun. We used to ride motorcycles until we had kids (4.5 and 2), but it seemed like a good time to start riding again since only one of us has the kids at any given time. Mine gets 97+mpg and will go over 60 miles an hour. Take a(n) MSF course, wear safety gear and assume everyone else on the road is an idiot and you’re good to go.

  • http://www.melanieavila.blogspot.com Melanie

    My husband and I drive a Honda Civic, our AC has died, and my sister’s family calls us the Hobbits. Yes, we’re both under 5’5″, but come on. ;) Thanks for writing about us, lol.