• http://simplyblissful.blogspot.com/ tracy

    And here I thought I was actually going to get the answer to how the hell you keep your floors free of dog hair when I’m fighting the urge to swiffer and/or vacuum every.single.day.

    Since my baby starting on solids & finger foods, my dog has taken up permanent residence directly next to her. And it’s really hard to yell at the dog to not eat Ellis’ treats when Ellis is continually feeding her treats to the dog. I yell NO! and both the dog & the baby stop in the tracks…until it’s time for the next treat.

    Love the story!

  • http://www.altruisminthemorning.com natalie

    aww, cattle dogs are all the same. have a dalmation/cattle dog mix and your stories of coco just about kill me everytime – spot on with my little turd elliott!

  • Emily

    This post is exactly why I love your blog.

  • http://hardtobehuman.blogspot.com/ Amy

    We just got a dog two weeks ago and I already don’t know what we’d do without him. I made chicken noodle soup last week when we were sick and of course splashed a cup or so of broth all over. Dexter licked up every single drop and gave the cabinets a once-over for me, too. Gross, but damn cute, too!

  • Suzy

    Dooce, you were a dog in a former life, I just know it.

    And to Grace, who doesn’t have enough room for another herding dog, but doesn’t want a dumb dog, may I suggest a standard poodle. They need some room, but not acres. No shedding, no sneezing. But creepy smart. Instead of waiting for the Sugar Smacks (or whatever) to hit the floor, they will figure out where you keep them, how to open the cupboard, the box, and the ‘fridge for milk. AND how to blame the whole episode on the cat or the toddler.

  • http://www.littlepies.com Amanda

    I feel like I’m constantly telling people why they should read your blog. I just read this entire post to my husband who in return laughed hysterically and just kept repeating “Because I just wanted to get a head start on being an asshole.”


  • micahmaranda

    Wait- UPSTAIRS for breakfast? What kind of crazy house do you live in?

  • Rachel A.

    I know this will probably sound stupid, like totally beside the point, but you go UPSTAIRS to the kitchen? I don’t know anyone that goes upstairs to the kitchen. Odd.

  • http://www.kimbanelson.com Kimba

    So glad to hear I’m not the only one who tells their Aussie to shut up. If my husband leaves the house, even for a minute, he cries like someone is beating him with a switch.

  • Brandy

    Every time we go somewhere without a dog and drop something we stand there for a moment wonder what is wrong with the floor! THE FOOD JUST STAYS THERE!? Curious.

    Also are all your rooms in the basement? Why do you have to go upstairs to the kitchen? I’m so very confused.

  • http://www.millatimes.com Milla

    dogs are the BEST garbage disposals ever. i never sweep my kitchen floors anymore.

  • http://www.happinessontap.com Elizabeth_K

    Great story … and yes, Coco will LOVE the new baby and her many many food spills. Especially if she eats more than Leta will!

  • http://sarahisawake.blogspot.com Sarah

    :D TWO small humans for Coco to herd… she’s one lucky dog.

  • Jen

    Love it! My Australian Shepard knows that I drop food while I cook so he is always hanging out at the edges of the kitchen (he knows I hate it when he’s under my feet in the kitchen) so he’s ready if I drop something good. We are expecting a baby in August and if he only knew the goodies he will get from the little one!

  • Auburn

    Made of awesome.

    On a wholly unrelated note, Dooce, I’ve been reading “Julie & Julia” by Julie Powell (http://www.amazon.com/Julie-Julia-Year-Cooking-Dangerously/dp/0316013269/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1236213129&sr=1-1) and not only am I thorougly enjoying this blog-turned-book by government worker-turned-writer, it makes me think of you and your (much loved) writing style…down to me being SURE that the two of you have uttered/penned nearly identical phrases. Alot. Just putting it out there in case your nightstand is seeking a literary companion these days.

  • http://www.RecommendedDailyDose.com Kate

    Our yellow lab is also our families personal garbage disposal. I am sure he is just waiting for our 8 month old son to get a little older and let rain down the great food that us adults are so selfish to actually eat and not throw on the floor.

    Our dog is exactly like Marley from Marley & Me. We get the distinct pleasure of living the movie. Take a look here:


  • http://rosjuane.blogspot.com Rosjuane

    That is so funny!! I love reading your blog!! You are so like me in just saying what comes to you first.

  • Anonymous

    My son has an Australian sheep dog who is extremely intelligent…..another herding dog. I am curious how you go “upstairs” for breakfast? Is your bedroom in the basement? Your kitchen on the 2nd level? I know that kitchens on the 2nd level is common in tropical locations for the view – but I wouldn’t consider Salt Lake City a tropical location!?

  • http://www.suburbanmatron.com Becky

    Ha! I can just see Coco sliding into position.

    Pretty much the same sitch at our house. Only eventually a slight smell of dog spit starts to emanate off the floor under the toddler’s high chair. Which causes me to go ahead and mop. If only the dog’s salivary glands produced Murphy’s Oil Soap.

  • http://infopedal.com Infopedal

    I have a poodle with the name of Bello, and i almost fell off my chair when i read ur post, he did exactly the same thing :)

  • http://gettysburgfamily.blogspot.com Gettysburg Mom

    The clean floors are why I love watching my parent’s dog while they travel. I’m watching her for six weeks now, and I may cry after she leaves and I spot that first stray crumb. As a special extra bonus, she enjoys eating any of their crappy plastic toys left on a floor and then I get to throw them out. Six weeks is such a short time.

  • http://www.bank-credit-card.com New York

    the best way i found is just take the shoes off!, we have a dog and tis great! unless she poops. taking shoes off does wonders

  • http://lifeawaiting.blogspot.com/ Angelica Bustamante

    Omg this post was awesome…as all the rest. I need to get a dog as soon as my little one start eating solids and starts to throw them around. I love it when dogs do stuff like that. LOVE your blog!

  • http://jollywire.com Jollywire

    Dogs are good as food finishers, they just make me feel not guilty for throwing away leftovers.

  • Kim

    If my beagle somehow misses the beginning of dinner prep, he also does the slide in to my feet when I’m standing at the kitchen sink. And I’m messy when I’m cooking, so he always gets SOMETHING. Dogs!

  • http://storeworth.com Storeworth

    Haha my dog Casper did exactly the same thing. Great post :) U manage to put a smile on my face :)

  • http://www.kggraphix.com Krystlyn

    Too cute! I wish my 100 pounds of fur and feistiness would sit under our chairs! Instead he lays on the floor directly between us and the TV going back and forth between two looks…one as the bite goes in…”please please please toss that over here”…and as the empty fork comes out…”your an asshole and I know that is not the dry as cardboard kibble crap you took 10 seconds to toss in my bowl”. He seems to routinely forget that I share lunch with him everyday and apparently my raw vegetables were not worth remembering! Dogs are the best!

  • http://www.kentuckyderbyhomerental.com/ Zach

    God I really want a dog more than ever now!

  • Pam

    Thanks for making me laugh so often

  • http://kristanhoffman.com/ Kristan

    Lol awww. We don’t let Riley eat human food if we can help it, but sometimes I “slip” and a scrap or two will fall “accidentally” as I’m doing the dishes, and I try to “warn Riley away” by yelling OOPS!

    Now sometimes he comes running when I click Send but forget the attachment, or unplug my iPod while it’s still syncing. Maybe I should have used another code word?? o_O

  • Britte S.

    Part of me would like to see a webcam of a fully day in the live of the Armstrongs. Mostly because I think Chuck and coco are really cute and I want to see the fights in live action for one, rather than pictures. I want to see the craziness that goes on in a single day in your family. I think it would be highly entertaining for all.

    Except for maybe you guys. :-)

  • Britte S.

    Part of me would like to see a webcam of a full day in the lives of the Armstrongs. Mostly because I think Chuck and coco are really cute and I want to see the fights in live action for one, rather than pictures. I want to see the craziness that goes on in a single day in your family. I think it would be highly entertaining for all.

    Except for maybe you guys. :-)

  • Anonymous

    Great story! It makes me almost think dogs are worth all of that work.

  • Anonymous

    About the new masthead, is it Lame or Lamé. I’d bet on the latter.

    Coco is truly a nutcase. If you are really lucky, she will begin to mellow around age two, but I wouldn’t count on it.

  • http://agrowingviolet.blogspot.com/ kimberly

    Too funny! You tell great stories.

  • http://www.cornerstonejewelrydesigns.com True Love Waits

    I love your stories. And I want another dog!

  • http://auberginejoyeuse.blogspot.com kate

    We had a dog that we got from the pound because her previous owners who loved her very much had the audacity to go and have a baby. When the furniture chewing, rug pooping and eventually baby BITING started, guess who got the boot. We always said if she had just stuck around for a few more months till cheerios entered their lives, she would never have left.

    Silly request, but any chance we can get a diagram of your house? Every time you mention how you go from your bedroom UPSTAIRS to the kitchen drives me nuts – I just can’t seem to get a picture in my head of what such a house must look like.

  • Corinne

    Heather!!!!!!!!!! I loved this one!! Thanks so much!

  • http://scatteredchick.blogspot.com/ Fabulox

    that’s it, I’m convinced, we’re totally getting a dog. as a fat prego chick I am tired of crawling around on my hands and knees to sweep up the daily flood of crumbs and food bits that my 2 year old drops with glee all over the floor. as if I will have the energy to do this after baby #2 is born.

  • Cee

    I have the sweetest, shyest, snuggliest dog in the world – but when it comes to food he is a vicious beast.

  • http://www.mommyfromthemidwest.com Midwest Mommy

    You are so funny.

  • http://not-the-norm.blogspot.com/ Keyona

    Cute story! Animals are so good for kiddos and vice versa!

  • http://www.frankandmaria.blogspot.com Maria

    I just have to know how you keep the herding dog from dragging Leta by her clothing around the room every time she moves quickly or makes a loud noise!

    I did laugh tho…. we’ve learned that a good way to get a day of rest from the bordercollie obsessions is to either take her to a family event or doggie daycare. A full day of living with her herding instinct is enough to give us peace for about 4 days!

  • http://whowhatwhenwhereandsometimeswhy.blogspot.com Jenni

    I love the post, but was still so distracted by the thought of how soundly you must sleep in your basement.

  • Holly Thatcher

    I still really want to know why I can’t make comments on the daily style or the daily photo. WILL YOU PLEASE EXPLAIN?

  • Catherine

    hehe, I’d love to see a picture of Coco under the chair sometime, if you’d be so kind as to post one for us!

  • Sarah

    nicely done dooce :)

  • http://groovebag.typepad.com/groovebag/ Lady K

    That seals the deal. We’ve been thinking about adopting a rescue greyhound.
    Now we are gonna do it.

  • http://www.pcscleaners.com carpet cleaners queens

    Hehhehehe.. I cannot stop laughing while reading your post.Well, i need to say that COCO is great. I think i need a dog now.lol!

  • http://bellasweet.artfire.com Bella-Sweet

    So funny! I’m surprised Leta lets Coco eat her droppings :)