Abbreviated exclamation point
I would normally wait until I had enough hatemail to write a longer post, but the one I got this morning is just too good to keep to myself. From a reader who skipped class the day they talked about punctuation:
youre no one but a slut who loves to fuck her husband and get pregnant and talk about useless stuff so youre a free rider with nothing better to do in life and you dont work god you suck
I'm trying to wrap my head around this one, so bear with me... a slut who loves to fuck her husband? Is this a new brand of slut that I don't know about? The husband-fuckers? Women who love to go around screwing the men they're committed to? Because I thought those people were called wives.
This one also reminds me of a few uninteresting hatemails I got back when I announced my pregnancy from people who were all I TOLD YOU SO! CAN'T TAKE THE MORMON OUT OF THE GIRL! I guess because Mormons typically have large families, and my decision to have a second child proves that I'm trying to populate the entire world with my uterus. You know, they're right. Except I'm not having more than one kid to increase the ranks of my religion. In fact, the only reason I decided to have another child is so that should the need arise and my own stop working, I'll have a wider variety of kidneys to choose from. This is a Mormon teaching known as Emergency Preparedness.
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FM Living
arely said:
hahahahahah
too good to be true.
but it is!
03.13.09 - 11:11 AM / 1Kate said:
How weird.
By the way, you are RADIANT! Love the new picture and interview. I do wish you had interviewed with Kathy Lee. Would have been an epic throwdown.
03.13.09 - 11:12 AM / 2Elizabeth_K said:
I hate it when women love to fuck their husbands! The horror! The absolute horror ... I'm glad someone finally called you on it. Can you PLEASE stop hugging your child (soon to be children), too? IT'S AWFUL. What else, what else? Oh yeah, you are always SMILING.
Seriously, you are awesome, as I hope you know.
03.13.09 - 11:13 AM / 3Daddy Scratches said:
This is the real reason why I want the popularity of my blog to continue to grow: so that I, too, can draw more of these troglodyte spawn out into the open.
03.13.09 - 11:13 AM / 4LJH said:
I love the witty replies to your hatemail. I would like to thank your sarcasm for once again making my day!
03.13.09 - 11:14 AM / 5Carrie said:
That is amazing.
03.13.09 - 11:14 AM / 6Margie said:
I'm with you on that one. . sluts who fuck their husbands..hmmm would guess there are alot of us in that catagory . . and damn proud of it!!
03.13.09 - 11:14 AM / 7Molly said:
My god, can you imaginge being married to that bacon stain of a reader? Wow. Is all of your hatemail that bizarre?
03.13.09 - 11:14 AM / 8Anonymous said:
Wow that is harsh...not to mention completely senseless.
03.13.09 - 11:14 AM / 9Debs said:
I'm sorry that people post such nasty things.
03.13.09 - 11:15 AM / 10Deb said:
From one husband-fucker slut to another:
I'm a husband-fucker, you're a husband-fucker, wouldn't you like to be a husband-fucker too?
All join in.....
03.13.09 - 11:15 AM / 11Jen said:
Hahaha! Free rider? Yeah, Heather, all you do is sit around and do nothing. Geezzz, get off that prego butt and DO SOMETHING!
03.13.09 - 11:16 AM / 12Jenny said:
You're a strong woman. You take a beating for doing things so many of us would aspire to do ourselves. You're amazing
03.13.09 - 11:16 AM / 13Jennifer said:
So if you have nothing better to do with your life then this website, why is Mr. or Mrs. No Punctuation even taking the time to not only read your posts, but then take the extra effort to send you hate mail?
Got to love the haters!
As for me, love dooce.com! I'm so excited to see you in Colorado in April.
03.13.09 - 11:16 AM / 14Anonymous said:
Heather--you friggin rock and this moron is a giant tool of the lowest order, who clearly knows nothing of nouns, verbs, subjects, and predicates. BTW the TV spot was great too! The camera did NOT seem to add 10 pounds at all.
L
03.13.09 - 11:16 AM / 15Sara said:
Oh, I HOPE you and Jon got a long, rib-hurting laugh out of that one, b/c I did.
03.13.09 - 11:16 AM / 16Ashley said:
LOL!!! YOU ARE SO HILLARIOUS! I'm hoping I can come meet you at your book signing in LA...anyways I'm glad you are a slut that loves to fuck your husband...it is a new breed you know....
03.13.09 - 11:16 AM / 17Sarah @ BecomingSarah.com said:
Hey, I'm one of the husband-fuckers too! Look at us crazy, pregnant, husband-fucking sluts! GO TEAM US!
03.13.09 - 11:17 AM / 18Sonia said:
Hahaha... wow... I sense some jealousy there.
03.13.09 - 11:17 AM / 19moggit girls said:
Okay - it would take a WHOLE LOT OF MONEY for us to put up with emails like that. Maybe this 'bloggin' for a livin' deal ain't all it's cracked up to be?
Gotta go - we both must go have sex with our husbands...
Joy and Janet
the moggit girls
03.13.09 - 11:17 AM / 20barbara said:
I am looking forward to the day that I too can be a husband fucker, and not just a regular slut. and smart plan with the kidney manufacturing.
03.13.09 - 11:17 AM / 21Melissa said:
Huh.
I laughed so hard at this one.
BTW Heather, you are so not fat. You look fabulous! I wished I looked as cute as you when I was preggers, keep up the great job of free riding, slutting around with your husband and talking about useless 'stuff'.
03.13.09 - 11:17 AM / 22wendi said:
It totally sucks you get so much hate mail. For what it's worth, I think you ROCK!
03.13.09 - 11:18 AM / 23Ashley said:
geez I'm still laughing and trying to keep it in since I'm at my cube at work! I think this has been one of your best posts!
03.13.09 - 11:18 AM / 24the mighty jimbo said:
eureka! who needs federal funding for stem cell research when you can just grow your own kidneys at home!
03.13.09 - 11:18 AM / 25Bea said:
Fucking Mormon HUSBAND FUCKER.
Ho.
03.13.09 - 11:19 AM / 26Kristan said:
Uh oh. I only sleep with one guy, but I'm not married to him. What kind of horrible monster does that make me?!
03.13.09 - 11:20 AM / 27Cathy said:
Bless you for making me laugh out loud on this beautiful sunny Friday in Arizona while I sit in my shithole cubicle at a floudering piece of shit HMO full of the most incompetent boobs ever spawned. You rock.
03.13.09 - 11:20 AM / 28Anonymous said:
Will someone please think of the children! We must take a stand and stop these husband-fuckers, from destroying the sanctity of marriage.
The horror!
03.13.09 - 11:20 AM / 29JP said:
That is so many brands of awesome.
And by awesome, I mean that I am so sad for the society that breeds that much crazy.
03.13.09 - 11:20 AM / 30