• Tara

    This is exactly why I come back every single day to read your site. You crack me up!

  • Pissy Britches

    OMG…you know I have been fucking the same guy for 2 years and we aren’t married and we even like to get really hammered on occassion and fuck all night long. I mean GAH we don’t even LIVE together. Oh the sin.

    I am such a slut/whore.

  • http://lauren-livelaughlove.blogspot.com/ Lauren

    Haha! That was awesome…thanks for posting that! I got my first “hate comment” on my blog about a month ago calling me an “spoiled bitch” because we renovated our kitchen. Still stumps me but I like your newest comment better. Husband-fucker…that is hilarious!

  • http://legally-laura-nicole.blogspot.com Nikki

    Someone obviously had a VERY bad day. Or perhaps a VERY BAD life.

    I’m just sorry they chose to take their angry attitude out on you.

    If I were you, I’d write back with a simple, “Takes one to know one.”

  • http://beebeemod.com Jen

    I am dying here…simply dying. Punctuation and all…

  • http://www.notoldjustseasoned.blogspot.com Plano Mom

    I am currently writing my congressman, begging him to enact legislation requiring all husband-fucking sluts to register with the government.

    I really think the best response is a quote from Albert Einstein:

    “Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds.”

    Rock on, great spirit.

  • Erica

    That one is almost as good as my favorite (obviously, you like it too)….Two words: Lame

  • http://newbabynews.blogspot.com/ Jen

    I proclaim that to be the best hate mail ever. I would say more but I’m too busy raising my two children (in spite of not being Mormon) and being a slutty husband fucker.

  • Shannon

    Hi Heather,

    I love your blog! I’m totally hooked on it.
    Please continue to write about how you’re taking over the world via increasing the population. Your little army is so fun to read about.

  • http://www.ggphotographie.com gigi

    oh my … how i love you !

  • http://www.mamamldb.blogspot.com Michele

    Whoa, by her(his?) definition, I bet my husband wishes that I were more of a slut. Unfortunately for him, I outgrew my slutiness in high school and college.

  • Hollie

    Oh man, this post so made my day! I guess I am a husband fucking slut too, we should start a club!!!

  • maylo

    Thanks for CRACKING ME UP.
    Next on Oprah:
    The Husband Fuckers – a NEW brand of slut

  • Me

    I think I figured out why there were no capital letters or punctuation marks in that message — the person was sending a text message and they haven’t learned anything beyond just pressing the keys.

    I have no idea why they said what they did, though.

    It’s rainy and in the 40s in Austin today, but should be spring-like again soon. Enjoy your visit, and be sure to give that baby some Amy’s ice cream while you’re here!

  • http://nikkiandnat.blogspot.com Nikki

    HAHAHA. Oh boy, I love it. I truly appreciate these loonies for the comedy they provide. You couldn’t make this stuff up if you tried!

  • Sarah

    Haha! I guess I’m one of those sluts who can’t stop fucking her husband. We should start a club.

  • Cristin

    You mean you haven’t heard of the Husband-Fuckers Sluts?
    You’re like…our leader.

  • Deb

    Well, I’m not a husband-fucker as I play for the other team now….but I’ll stand tight with all the husband-fuckers of the world, against the rising tide of ignorance and conformity.

    Heather, I’m sure you do all the husband-fuckers proud.

    Head high. Carry on.

  • Kate

    Okay, if sex is A) slutty, B) not for spouses and C) not for procreational purposes, then what exactly is it for?


    (Also, I second what everyone else above wrote.)

  • http://www.whoahgirl.com Anne

    Thank you for sharing that gem. Just, thank you. I do ever so adore your hatemail since frankly you get some of the best. :P Rock on girl cause you honestly do rock.

  • http://irefusetogetold.wordpress.com ML

    That email didn’t even sound like a person wrote it. It sounds like a badly written text-generator. Or hate-generator. I can’t understand people who write hate mail. Do they think to themselves, “this will show them! ha!” because really. I mean. Really.

  • Cindy

    You are just fantastic. I love your attitude!

  • http://www.grumblesandgrunts.com Jamie

    Every time I think about how I want my blog to be popular you post one of these and THANK GOD these weirdos don’t write to me. Though they are actually pretty funny.

    You are totally crazy for actually having sex with your husband, at least twice that we know of. FOR SHAME!

    Only kidding. wtf is wrong with people?

  • http://www.woolandhoney.typepad.com/ Melissa

    You do know how fucking hilarious you are, no?

  • http://www.curlysu.com curly su

    Good god, what is WRONG with people? Even if there was even one modicum of validity in their comment (which there isn’t), what could possibly possess someone to send something like that to another human being? It boggles my mind. And it’s not like I’m the nicest person in the world either; I’ve definitely done my share of acting as the mean girl. But still… to behave like that? It’s just screwed up.

  • Kate in Ohio

    i see a new masthead in your future….

  • Nicola

    Oh yea, you’re one of those dirty sluts who give men hope for sex after marriage, how could you let the rest of the team down like that?! haha, I’m guessing if she’s (he’s?) too lazy to even use punctuation once in a while, they’re probably not putting out for their SO either ;-)

  • http://willeworks.blogspot.com/ Marianne Wille

    I’m really glad I don’t get hate mail.

    This is love mail from Mimi ~ I worry about you traveling so much ~ You look beautiful as always, by the way.

  • KT

    Wow; I would like to know what school system this individual attended to ensure my children stay far, far away. I’m also confused by this person’s use of the word slut, as a husband fucker (unless one is not fucking their own husband) is quite contrary to the commonly accepted definition of the word slut. Scary on so many levels!

  • http://faeriedustdreams-michelle.blogspot.com/ michelle

    No one is twisting their arm to read your blog. And yet they feel they have to be mean?


  • http://trickeration.livejournal.com Rachel

    Well, they kind of have a point. I mean, I get that you’re a slut who just loves to fuck her own husband. But do you need to love it SO MUCH, you free rider?

  • http://whatatragiccomedy.wordpress.com Juliet

    A slut who loves to fuck her husband? I bet all the men who read that are like, yes please! Seriously, where do people come up with this crap? They need better things to do.

  • Jo Anne

    And my question is: Why do these people read your blog if they think you are the devil incarnate?? I mean that is basically what the person is saying isn’t it?

  • Maggie

    ‘A New Brand of Slut’ I think you just named my autobiography, or my band. Can’t decide which.
    Also, wouldn’t it would be awesome if husband-fucker caught on the way mother-fucker has?

  • http://lemongloria.blogspot.com Lisa

    Excellent! You always have the best responses to the douchemonkey asshat hatemailers who make an effort – albeit in this case a lame, stupid one – to make you feel bad.

  • http://www.camelsandchocolate.com Camels & Chocolate

    You’re awesome, Heather. As is your uterus. I love when you address the haters like so–especially the obviously uneducated ones for whom basic punctuation is a mere afterthought.

  • Michelle

    “the husband-fuckers”. I can’t even tell you how much that made me laugh.

    I’m a childless boyfriend-fucker who loves your blog and is looking forward to your reading in Portland.

  • Kate Setzer Kamphausen

    God, Dooce, I adore your snark. I expect when/if I have kids, I’ll read back through your entire archive just to reassure myself that NO, saccharine does NOT have to be the order of the day just because one has spawned offspring!!

    Also, your current spawn is super hilarious. I hope the next one is (a) easier, (b) just as funny, and (c) comes with extra kidneys.

    Up with HFSs!!!

  • Alex

    I thought this was hysterical!

    and I love the ‘monogamous sluts’ THAT should be the April masthead.

    who are these people? I mean, do you ever wonder… ? who would post this? An angry 15-year-old boy, who can’t get the girl next door to give him a blow-job?

    A pent-up Mormon girl who secretly reads your blog at BYU, WISHING she could have sex without going to hell?

    The possibilities are endless… I think the curiosity would kill me…

  • http://missprofe.wordpress.com Miss Profe


    I am waiting until the day I become jaded. Comments such as the one you posted, Heather, never cease to stop me from shaking my head, and dropping my jaw.

    And, we wonder why the world is going to hell on a jet ski?

    BTW: Your blog is mad fabulous!

  • Catherine

    Ah, sorry there are such nuts out there. You know how to handle them, though! Thanks for a good laugh!

  • bohica

    Awesome. Totally awesome (holy crap, I’m typing/speaking like a teenager). You’ve got to use that first email as a banner in some way, you husband-fucking slut!

    Not to mention, if you’re not careful, people are going to get the idea you can make a living out of writing ~ how bizarre!


  • Andi

    I have had a ton of laughs throughout this day but THAT was the best by a thousand miles! Has to have been a total joke, has to have been. Sometimes I think there is a virus spreading through the population faster then any other virus before it; it’s a virus called stupidity. Most days I feel like I’ve awakened in the twilight zone, seriously, that’s how insane this last year has been. Who took my normal life and put me in this bizarre life? Am I in the matrix? Neo, is that you?

    Love, Andi a.k.a A happily married, rampantly monogamous, loving every minute in bed with my husband, slut.

    P.S.I have 3 kids so I guess somehow I became a mormon without realizing it. But I only have 1 son so I’m screwed in the replaceable organ market. Happy daze, you gorgeous married monogamous procreating slut!

  • rhea

    You must roll your eyes a lot.

  • http://www.shecheatedonme.blogspot.com The Confused Husband

    “Skipped class” or “Never attended a single class ever”?

  • http://kgunter.blogspot.com kerri

    Your post brought me a much needed laugh today. Thanks!

  • http://just-kelly.blogspot.com/ Kelly

    HAHAHA! That is too funny!! Well at least you are only a husband fucking slut and not an illiterate asshole! Love your blog……just “found” it with help from a friend. Keep up the great posts and keep laughing at the ASSHATS who send the hate emails……

  • Natalie

    You are my hero.

  • Ilyssa

    Hilarious. Keep fucking your husband, Heather. You’ll be an uber slut in no time. ;)

    By the way, you looked beautiful on Today!

  • Anonymous

    I seriously love the hate mail you get. It amuses me to no end.