• http://mixednutsblog.wordpress.com Katie

    As nervous as I get sometimes when you start mentioning the church, that just cracked me up. I’ve never realized my kids counted as part of my 72-hour kit! LOL.

  • Stacey

    Heather,
    That is so hilarious. I can’t believe you go around fucking your husband like that…how rude.
    You look great.

  • Cathy

    Bless you for making me laugh out loud on this beautiful sunny Friday in Arizona while I sit in my shithole cubicle at a floudering piece of shit HMO full of the most incompetent boobs ever spawned. You rock.

  • http://poopandboogies.com William

    No… have it wrong..

    “Women who love to go around screwing the men they’re committed to? Because I thought those people were called wives.”

    Wives don’t “LOVE” screwing around with their husbands…they do it so the husband will do the dishes.

  • http://www.joydiscovered.wordpress.com Jodi

    What a terrible email. Put that trash behind you and let it go as best you can. I’ve been following your blog for a few weeks now and I think it’s great. Also, I read the first few pages of your new book on ‘google books’ and I thought it was really, really good. You are a talented story teller. I can’t wait for the book to be released! Take care, have a great weekend, Jodi / Joy Discovered

  • Anonymous

    Will someone please think of the children! We must take a stand and stop these husband-fuckers, from destroying the sanctity of marriage.

    The horror!

  • jeri lynne

    Thanks for the laugh I soo needed it..you are awesome in all your slutty fashion…

  • Mel

    My name is Slut-Mama and I’m a Husband Fucker too. Guess that makes my husband a Mother Fucker. Can he be a slut? Inquiring minds want to know!!

    Man, how that baby hasn’t fallen out from all the laughing-until-you-pee mail, I don’t know. You are a Slutty Husband Fucker with a Super Strong Uterus!!

  • http://www.chaos4jp.blogspot.com JP

    That is so many brands of awesome.

    And by awesome, I mean that I am so sad for the society that breeds that much crazy.

  • http://roisin.ca roisin

    you know, some people in this world wouldn’t know irony if it slapped them in the face. free rider, indeed!

    ignorance is bliss, eh?

  • Just Me

    It is truly a world gone mad, in a world of those that live without punctuation & in their own bubble of reality. It does make for entertainment, tho! BTW, have you seen the soup with the Princesses on it? I thought of Leta!

  • http://memydogsmylife.blogspot.com amanda

    Um, that is AWESOME. I only WISH I got hatemail like that. It would totally make my day.

  • Tony

    You could NOT make this shit up.

  • Heather B

    I bet you anything the person who wrote that was like 13!

  • Ania

    Wow. Some people’s rants don’t even make sense.

  • Mel

    You Slut!! This is Hilarious!! Damn it I love reading this!

  • Mama Anachronism

    That made my husband and I laugh ourselves stupid.

    Thank you so much for posting that. It was a much needed distraction.

  • Cathy

    P.S. Come to Phoenix on your book tour. PLEASE!

  • Trish

    Oh snap! You tell ‘em sista! From one ex-Mormon woman to another, you make me proud!

  • Anonymous

    ack, that’s what happens when the devil’s spawn learns how to type.
    Look on the bright side, this moron will be miserable for eternity, and that starts NOW.

    keep makin’ us laugh from your living room and let the jealous ride the wave

  • Annette

    Occasionally, when someone nags me about not wanting to have another child, I quip, “Just because you needed a spare in case of emergencies doesn’t mean I ascribe to the same mentality.” It’s not nice, nor is it true, BUT IT FEELS GOOD TO SAY.

    The ONLY sure thing in matters dealing with procreation: It is never, ever a good idea (or physically safe) to ask a woman her due date until you are 100% certain she is, in fact, pregnant.

    Everything else is festering hotbed of anger and dissenting opinions.

  • Linda

    First I must thank #11 Deb, now I will have that song in my head forever, too hilarious.

    Second, I think that man is just ticked off because he’s not getting any.

  • http://www.currently-clueless.net Tina

    Emergency preparedness!!! I LOVE IT.
    I was always a regular reader of Dooce, but then life got in the way of me coming here all the time for my Dooce fix. But I’m back and now I realise just how much I missed your posts. Thank you for brightening my day once again, can’t wait to read more and more….

  • just_roberta

    so, how does Jon feel about you being a slut who fucks her husband.

  • Sherri

    You are the dictionary definition of H-O-T-N-E-S-S, even at (especially at?) 26 weeks. My husband and I were just minutes ago talking about the timing of the next and final child and the planning of all the coitus surrounding that event. It was a totally unsexy conversation about sex. Does that still make this wife a slut? Thank you for the laugh!

  • Kathleen

    I really hope that husband fucker will catch on as the new “it” label for married women. From car companies trying to draw in husband fucker drivers to politcians courting the husband fuckers vote, we’ll be the toast of the town.

  • Rosa

    I am guessing that person is married and doesn’t fuck with the spouse…so maybe that is the reason they are surprised that there are people out there who actually love to “fuck” their spouses.

    I love your webpage and your comments.

  • Heather

    Now, the question I find myself asking is… really, do ANY of us have anything better to do with our lives? Especially us husband fuckers? I don’t think so.

    I had a very conservative Christian college roommate who told me, in all seriousness, that sex really was just for procreation. She has a baby now and another already on the way. Even the best of us can’t help but become another sad, drive-by, lie-around-the-house husband-fucker.

  • Shelly

    Fantastic work Heather, keep it up. Your blog keeps me sane most of the time. Thanks for the laughs.

  • Shelly in St. Louis

    Never really posted before, but have read Dooce for quite some time. I cannot believe that people have nothing better to do with their time – sheesh!

    Anyway, you rock Dooce – keep up the GREAT job.

  • Liz

    Dude… Why are you such a hoebag?

    Whose grammar is that bad??

  • http://mangogirlsramblings.blogspot.com/ Mango Girl

    Damnit! I didn’t think to do the kidney farm thing ~ and now I have no uterus.

    Husband Fuckers Unite! (with or without a uterus)

    (mangogirlsramblings.blogspot.com ~ come on all you hate mail writers! I would love to hear from you!)

  • KAT

    This one goes down as one of the best Dooce posts! Hard to ever select just one, but definitely a hall of famer here. Damn that’s funny. Nice job.

  • http://www.bloodshotrecords.com/album/can-you-deal-it sweatpea

    OMG! Girls just want to have fun. LOVES’s it. Thanks for sharing!

  • Siobhan

    I too, had been unaware of this particular brand of harlot.

    That comment is hilarious! Odd that while lacking punctuation, the flamer (and not the good kind) used the correct form of you’re.

  • Jillian

    Thanks for the great laugh!!! You can’t even be mad at a person like that because it is so ridiculous:) They might have to worry about God though, because I think they told him he sucks!!!

    I found out about your blog through celebritybabies.com and have been addicted ever since. Thanks for fucking your husband, getting pregnant, and talking about useless stuff because I truly enjoy reading about it.

  • Anonymous

    Whoa. That piece of hatemail had to be a joke, right? Unbelievable.

    Heather, I certainly don’t agree with everything you say, but I think you’re great! You’re a great writer and you’re funny as hell.

    (And that’s coming from a Mormon! A Mormon who ISN’T going to be having more than 2 babies, if you can believe it!)

    Anyone who is writing you such ridiculous hatemail is obviously a complete idiot.

    And they deserve to be ridiculed by us all.

  • Doug

    Dooce, this is great. Look at all the posts of support. It’s not hate mail, it’s hateful people, who really don’t realize how much they really hurt themselves with this drivel.

    Drivel. That’s funny. Lol. Drivel. I just found that word on the web. I like it.

  • Kate

    Wow, the looser who wrote you that is an idiot on so many levels. I remember an episdoe of Dharma and Greg where they get caught having sex in the car. Greg is running for or currently holding a political position and is upset that he will lose the race or his job. Instead, the newspapers run the story of him as a good guy – he actually has sex with his own wife and isn’t out there cheating.

    I had better have a good sex life when I finally find Mr. Right, because it sure stinks right now! Three cheers from me to all of the happy, “slutty” couples that have a good sex life!

    K

  • Rebecca

    I have a high pressure job but I work at home one to two days per week. On the days when I work at home (on grant proposals, briefing memos and the like), the babysitters always say, “Oh right, you’re not working today!” I can’t seem to convince them that sitting in front of a laptop scowling in concentration as my fingers fly over the keys counts as working!

    I LOVE the work you do, so please keep it up!

  • http://dancinginthemoonlight-dee.blogspot.com/ Dee

    I’m with Deb and Barb, I too aspire to be a husband-fucker!

    ROCK ON!

  • Andrea

    I seriously think that “husband fucker” needs to be your masthead for the month of April, it’s just too hilarious to not capitalize on!

  • http://www.sneathenfamily.blogspot.com Michelle S

    Wow, Seriously?? A person took the time to write that? I just don’t understand why, if someone hated a blog they would a. go to it and b. take the time to comment. Crazy. You are a saint to put up with it. Of course there is no understanding someone like that.

  • http://www.hipmommy.wordpress.com Heather

    I guess I am in the ‘slutty husband fucker’ catergory too….although, we don’t fuck as often as he would like so I guess I am sort of lame in that department. I would love to see your next book dedicated to all the venom you get – it would nice to show just how many people have shit for brains out there.

  • Kate

    I don’t usually comment, but this one is too funny! :o )

    I’m pregnant with #2 as well… (after 6 years of being a slut with my husband) I never thought about the kidney reason, but since we’re planning on having three kids total and two kids is all many people think you need, I’m totally going to use that line someday in the future when someone makes an idiotic comment. Thanks!

    p.s. Your voice on TV didn’t sound anything like I imagine it to when I read your posts. Not in a bad way, I was just surprised that it wasn’t like I had imagined!

  • http://jaclynbailey.blogspot.com/ Jaclyn Bailey

    That has got to be the funniest thing I have read all day! See, now I am a husband fucking slut, but I produced twice as many offspring as you! I tell people it is so that I have at least one with mine and my husbands blood type so that if we ever need a trasfusion…. we are all set, without worring if there is a blood shortage in our hospital’s blood bank. Go Team Pregnant women who Fuck their husbands!

  • http://www.vacantuterus.typepad.com/vacantuterus Flicka

    Count me is as part of that slut club! Woohoo!

    You crack me up. My lovely husband pre-ordered me your book; can’t wait to read it. I’m sure he only bought it because of my immense sluttiness but, you know, that sort of thing hath its privileges!

  • http://thelifeofablogoholic.blogspot.com/ the girL

    That was awesome! I really love how the haters don’t realize how dumb they are. You are great… thanks for sharing with us.
    And by the way, you look fantastic! XOXO

  • http://kategetsmarried.blogspot.com kate

    Just goes to show women aren’t supposed to like sex NO MATTER WHAT, lest you get branded a slut.

    Anyway, I can’t wait to join the ranks of husband-fuckers.

  • Badsanta

    Why do you even bother with the hate mail? Unless you just need a good laugh, don’t read it. Those of us who love you far out number the haters. Don’t we? You looked absolutely beautiful on TV by the way. Now go screw your husband you promiscuous broad you.