• Lisa

    I JUST HOPE YOUR HATE MAIL WRITER DOES NOT BREED. OMG!!! Thanks so much for sharing that right away today. I NEEDED A GOOD LAUGH as my morning has been idiot-filled and frustrating!!!!!!!!!

  • karen

    Dooce, please put out a full hatemail post. I know a big husband fucking slut like yourself has to have plenty. You two must just laugh your asses off at the hatemail like this one. If you aren’t you should be. Please share with us. Love your post been reading forever and always enjoy. Thanks

  • Mel

    *holds head*

    The Internet: raising awareness of the true number of complete fucking morons in the world every day.

  • celeste

    thanks for the laugh – i really neded one today.

  • Olga

    This is so funny! Been sick for the past 3 days so can’t fulfill my role as a “husband-fucker”…..can’t wait to be called a slut!

    Keep up the excellent work!

  • Anonymous

    Fish for compliments much?

  • http://raininthesky.blogspot.com Cathy

    So funny! Thanks for making me laugh. God, I had no idea… but I think I am a slutty husband fucker too.

  • http://msmartyr.blogspot.com/ ms martyr

    OMFG people! Leave Heather alone. If you don’t like her, don’t read her. Did your mother never teach you that if you have nothing nice to say, say nothing at all? Get some manners.

  • Heather-in-Australia

    Well, fuck me. For years my husband’s been calling me a slapper when I hit on him & it turns out he’s RIGHT! ;)

  • Annady

    Can’t stop laughing! Thanks.

  • http://lifebycandlelight.blogspot.com Malady

    Wow. There is nothing more irritating than an ignorant illiterate individual writing a “holier-than-thou” hate e-mail/comment.

    What the heck is a “free rider?” Do they mean “free LOADER?” Oh, brother.

  • http://sh1ft.org tracey

    if you don’t make that entire message next month’s masthead, i think i’ll die a little. that is GOLD! LOL.

  • Britt

    While hate mail generally sucks, it might almost be worth having a few haters to get the occasional (I hope) gem like that one.

    Looking forward to the Seattle leg of your tour!

  • Morgaine

    Baha. Emergency preparedness.
    Better save those organs for when you all travel to Zion.

  • http://madnessexplained.blogspot.com Ducking Little

    That was hilarious! Thanks for making my day. I don’t really understand what’s wrong with being a slut anyway?!

    And thank God you’ve decided not to have an only child. They turn out funny.

  • http://www.scrapyourbooks.com Kristi

    Man, is my husband PISSED, because I have been telling him that since I was a slut, I totally shouldn’t be fucking my husband. This hate-mailer has just blown my cover story right out of the water, because now he’s all YOU TOLD ME SLUTS DON’T FUCK HUSBANDS! I guess I better start warming up my uterus now. DAMN.

    Hmm. Coincidentally, my captcha today is “of underskirt”. That’s what HE said! Ba-dum-bum.

  • CA Mom

    Your fabulous retort to the mental midget is EXACTLY why I read your blog. You are so smart, funny and just darn entertaining.

    LOL! I want a “I’m A Husband Fucker” t-shirt, too! :-)

  • http://glamour.com/sex-love-life/blogs/storked/ Storked!

    The day my son JD was born someone posted that I was a “horr” (= whore?) and that he was born without limbs. People are f*cked. Congrats on your upcoming memoir. I actually have the galley from a mag editor friend and can’t wait to dig in.

    All best,


  • http://boxofjack.com Jack

    It’s very inspiring to see how you’ve taken all the hate mail in stride. A lot of people on the internet now are getting their 15 minutes (whether they like it or not) and after being on the internet for decades, I’m still surprised how hateful a person becomes after you give them a cloak of anonymity and a celebrity punching bag.

    You are the coolest husband-lovin’ slut on the internet.

  • Lara

    Hilarious. I love being a husband fucking slut and my husband LOVES it too! It keeps our marriage rocking and happy. Maybe if your reader was a husband fucking slut she would be a lot happier and would have better things to do than write hatemail. Thanks for sharing and making all of us laugh.

  • Burrill

    Eh … I know I’m in a tiny, tiny minority here, but I think posting hatemail and writing sarcastic responses is a little bit petty. Unless the hate mailers accuse you of something serious that demands a serious public defense, I’d rather just have the hate mail never see the light of day.

  • Kimi

    I’m impressed that person knew the difference between your and you’re, even if they don’t believe in punctuation, or fucking your spouse.

  • Jen

    This email stinks of middle-school drop out thinking they’ll make you cry with their oh so profound comments.

    Sometimes I think people should have to pass an aptitude test before being allowed to surf the web.

  • http://www.reneestephen.com Renee


  • Andrea

    I also cannot stop laughing.

    Love, a fellow husband-fucker

  • http://www.chellebox.com Michelle

    Oh My God. I had no idea I was a slut. This is so insightful too… I should start having children of my own for emergency preparedness. Thanks for the thought.

    Thanks for the continual laughs and connections you give us.

  • http://pureandsimpledesign.blogpot.com pam

    Touche-’nuf said!

  • Katherine

    I love how people love to criticize you for “not working.” An awesome local columnist in Cleveland gets the same reaction to her columns as if writing (or web design, photography, etc.) isn’t working. I’d love to know what the true definition of working for these people is.

    If I could spend my professional life traveling, writing and doing other creative edeavors, WHILST BEING PAID, hell yeah, I’d not be “working” right along with you.

    (Next time a project keeps you up at night or adds a little stress to your life, just remember that it’s not really work and you’ll be fine in no time!)

  • Jessica

    we only have one child (and unless a small miracle/act of magnificence happens it will stay that way) And HOTDAMN do people have opinions about that. But the NUMBER ONE thing people ask me is “but what if something happens to your (first) child?” As if having a second is a back-up. Like it won’t hurt, or it would hurt less, if Bob-forbid something were to happen to our daughter. SO I tell them “then we’ll get a dog” and then they look at me like *I’m* the asshole.

  • Jennifer A

    Umm, ok. I seriously think whoever wrote it does not read your blog on any sort of regular basis.

    I’m suprised they haven’t called you Catholic yet, because, gasp, you’re having another kid.

    If that’s the one you could/chose to post, I’d hate to see what you don’t post.

  • Chaos

    I believe husband fuckers are call monogamous sluts. New term I learned this year from a friend of mine.

  • http://www.wedwithoutdebt.com Wendy

    Wow. People are stupid.

  • http://www.quibbling.net Tiffany

    I agree- I would love to see the husband-fucking slut masthead. From one H-FS to another.

  • http://www.pillsplace.blogspot.com/ Stacey Ball

    So happy that I can now call myself a slut proudly! I knew marriage had it’s advantages!

  • http://www.xanga.com/kim Kim

    She must be a barren old maid who is forced to work at a factory for 60 hours a week.

  • http://summystar.blogspot.com/ Summer

    Wow, what a piece of work.

    I stumbled across your blog a year-or-so ago after living with on-again-off-again PPD for several years, and the honesty with which you wrote about your experiences gave me the courage to finally accept help. It sucks that you pay such a high (read: utterly moronic, poorly spelled, often un-punctuated) price for your honesty on Dooce.com, but I, like so very many others, think what you’re doing is wonderful, even necessary.

  • Viktor

    Stupid woman. You should have had a son instead, they have much bigger kidneys and livers, so they can soak up more of that rum for you!

  • http://www.suburbanmatron.com Becky

    Funny, I am that same kind of slut! I bet I got that way from reading your blog.

  • Kristi

    Ha! What an ignorant moron. Good Lord…you have a perfectly good excuse to slam someone and “Husband fucking slut” is the worst you can come up with? Two words: Lame.

  • http://simplyblissful.blogspot.com/ tracy

    my husband would be so lucky to have a slut as a wife ;)

    you’re awesome. thanks for the laugh. and you look gorgeous in your momversation clip. everytime I see a photo of you looking all glowing & beautiful, it makes me want to have another child. and then I remember that I did not glow, but rather was a fat blob with feet swelled to the size of Rhode Island. but then I think I’d totally do it all over again.

  • Anonymous

    I’m so glad that someone finally had the courage to point out how wanting to fuck one’s husband is totally immoral and disgusting. For shame Heather, for shaaaaaame!

  • http://sundancemoods.com/blog Rena


  • http://www.shmaytalk.blogspot.com/ Taylee

    Holy Shit that was funny. Seriously a knee slapper. Let’s give a round of applause for the fucktard that posted that one!

  • http://www.parsingnonsense.com Parsing Nonsense

    This post made me giggle, it’s so much better when hate mail is too poorly written to take seriously. Also, you make a good point about the women who love to have sex with their husbands. How dare we keep our husband sexually satisfied! What kind of a world is this?

  • Jennifer B.

    Yes we are SLUTS! SL,UT I wanted to buy a shirt at Salon Dante in Sandy when they were selling them. Super cute black with hot pink letters. (http://shop.cafepress.com/sl,ut) I found this link, but this one might be for Jon.

    And…screw all the critics! Not literally! lol ; )

  • http://www.theirwickedstepmother.blogspot.com Minnie

    Un-freaking-real. The thought that an individual would actually exert the energy to write (poorly as they may have) something like that amazes me.

  • KayleighKins

    “Sluts who fuck their husbands are the worst kind.” Said the nun to the internet.

    Also, stop riding so freely.

  • JudithNYC

    I am laughing so hard the cat ran away to hide under the stairs and now the downstairs neighbor’s dogs are barking. You, slut!!

  • http://www.blogdababs.blogspot.com Babs

    I LOVE that you take these hatemails so well!
    You put them right where they belong to. *-*

    I’m just not sure if they know what irony is, though.
    *rolls eyes*

  • kathy

    ridiculous. but, i do love the whole kidney farming idea… new venture, possibly?!