• http://www.so-moved-on.blogspot.com liz

    Well, I’m a slut that is faithfully fucking my boyfriend; does that make me more or less of a slut than a husband fucker? I’m confused.

    And by free ride, does this hater imply that you’re getting a handout from the government and foodstamps to run this totally ass kickin’ site? Or does the hater imply that you’re working you hiney off to provide us all splendid entertainment while raising a family and writing books?

  • Kim

    God, Heather, I just love you.

    Kim (a fellow dirty slut)

  • Nikki

    Seriously, thanks for letting us all enjoy this! Too funny!

  • http://www.aubreymo.com Aubrey

    Heather – you rock! I have nothing extremely interesting to say, so I’ll just say this – I’m glad that you post your hate mail so we can all laugh about it and wonder who in the world emails people such crap.

    I actually think I know the person, as I received non punctuated hate mail the other day as well. Maybe they’re cousins? Who knows.

    Here’s the shortened version of my hate mail, as it was about two pages long:
    I can only guess Aubrey’s astonished that anyone would ever spurn whatever “pearls of wisdom” she cared to offer. Here’s my posted reply to “her” re: ostensibly her review of my website (but actually me): “”When someone with a lesser intellect, personal experience and/or diminutive worldview interacts with someone who has transcended that, they “assume” there’s something wrong with the other person. It either doesn’t occur to them that is not the case, or they don’t care to reflect that there’s something wrong with themselves. That’s OK. They have no better perspective. It’s a natural defense mechanism. But just a time-wasting, solipsistic (the belief that only they truly exist) delusional one.;-)”

    The world is full of crazies it appears.

  • http://www.thekiwitree.com KiwiJess

    I’m a first time caller- love ya, love your show…

    The fact that you get hate mail at all just really shows how popular your site is. And good for you for being a slutty husband fucker! Most husbands should be so lucky. Really.

  • http://faydean.typepad.com amy j.

    husband fucker???

    Remember the South Park song “Uncle Fucker”…now I have that song in my head with those words in place of the “uncle fucker”. Thanks anonymous hatemailer. Thanks alot.

    I think we ought to start a Facebook group, “Husband Fuckers”, only wives need apply. I join you Heather in the ranks of sluts who like to fuck their husbands. I think anonymous hatemailer needs to go find one of her own so she won’t be so jealous of your lot in life.

    God people are fucking stupid. Now, off to try and beat that damn SouthPark song out of my head. I bet Jon rolled over this one. He’s high fivin all around now that he knows he in fact is married to a slut, LOL.

  • The niffer

    There’s definitely some good material there for next month’s banner.

  • http://www.joeprose.typepad.com heyjoe

    My wife is supposed to fuck me?? Just wait till I get home!

  • http://frankieavenger.blogspot.com Frankie

    Wow…sometimes I forget how unstable people are, and then I see something like this and BAM! I remember – Crazies everywhere.

    Love your blog; it’s an inspiration.

  • Joanna

    Now I have a Tom Petty earwork “I’m FREEEE! Free riding!”

  • Sharon

    Ha! Husband fuckers, UNITE!

  • SilverPoet

    This made my day. Oh the lolz.

  • http://linusthegreat.com Sonnet

    The more kids you have, the more likely it is that someone is around to fix you a drink and poke you when you pass out with the cigarette in your mouth.

    Am I right?

  • SilverPoet

    This made my day. Oh the lolz.

  • http://bullockpartyof5.blogspot.com/ Nikki

    thank god that person is against procreation!! i would hate to know that those genes are being passed on all over the world!!!

  • http://greatdayinmaine.blogspot.com Leesavee

    SOOOOOOO very happy to be included amongst the ranks of the sluts, now that I’m a WIFE!!! Woohoo!

    Brilliant, Heather. You absolutely kill me, you HUSBAND FUCKER!!!

  • http://ginahayes.typepad.com G

    Ooh, somebody hates their life and needs to take it out on you, methinks. Clearly they have no husband to madly ravage.

    By the way, the words I had to type to post this comment were “pacemaking President.” Sometimes I think the comment form is some sort of strange fortune-teller.

  • Procrastinateher

    Wow. I wish I had words to tell you how great you are, but all I can think of is how my stomach is as stupid as this particular troll.
    Ew, get that food away from me that smell wants to make me vomit. Ten minutes later, gawd feed me already I’m HUNGRY. That’s what a stupid sickness will do to you.

    Hope you stay healthy and have a wonderful rest of your pregnancy. And weekend.

  • http://awthome.blogspot.com BonnieBelle

    The only way it could be worse is if you actually *enjoyed* fucking your husband. Then, wow, you’ve moved from slut to whore, I think. I’ll have to look up those definitions again.

  • http://www.janetnelson.net Janet

    Oh man. Someone was having a bad day. Dont they realize they are toying with the best? Love the organ emergency idea. :-)

  • Tamara


    I am so going to start using that as a comeback!

    Someone cuts in line at Wal-Mart…..

    me:” oh yeah, well you’re a slut who loves to fuck her husband!”

    take that.

  • http://valerieplansawedding.blogspot.com valerie

    Wow. I’m glad you posted this. I’m getting married at the end of May and I think there might still be time for me to call it off so I don’t become a terrible slut husband-fucker.

    Thaaat was a close one.

  • Anonymous

    You make me laugh everytime I read your website. The person that sent the hate mail really needs to get a life and take a class in English and spelling. Next thing ya know they will be writing hate mail that you show to many pictures of the dogs or some other stupid ass thing.

  • Livi

    I love reading your site, even though you’re a husband fucker.

  • Joy E.

    Let’s hear it for Slutty Husband F*ckers!

    People amaze me! I read everyday, but haven’t commented before. I couldn’t resist today! That was just too funny.

    I’ll be sure and let my husband know how slutty I am for having sex with him and being pregnant, too!

  • http://www.2-9andcounting.blogspot.com LAURA from 29 and counting

    Hey Husband Fucker-
    Awesome post! I almost peed my pants, sorry TMI! :) Thanks for a good laugh, looking forward to many more.
    Another Husband Fucker :)

  • Amanda

    GASP! People have sex with their husbands?! I think I may pass out from shock! Seriously how clueless are people?

    What a hilarious daily dose of dooce

  • Katrisha M

    Where can I join the club of “Slutty Husband-fuckers?” I’ll be the secretary, and take down the minutes: old business, new business, and such! I don’t take time out of my life to join the snobby PTA at my daughter’s school, but I would definitely go to those S.H.F meetings!

    I’m adding this new description of myself to my MySpace and Facebook with a link to this! LOL!

    Also, I just don’t understand why someone would take the time to send bad thought/energy out into the atmosphere. Such a waste of brain cells. Maybe that is why that one didn’t use punctuation: to limit the usage of their already low supply of neuron connections.

    Oh, and many thanks to Molly for the “bacon-stain of a reader” comment. LMAO! That is a good one.

  • Nichole

    excellent. gotta be prepared!
    and hate mail is so much fun.
    thanks for not letting it ruin your day and instead sharing the humor with the rest of us!!!

  • Doreen

    If all of your hate mail is this funny, you should put together a book. Would make great toilet reading.

  • Amy

    The fact that you’ve found a way to be a pregnant committed husband-fucking slut who gets paid to talk about anything you want makes you a GENIUS, not a free rider. We should all be so lucky. That hate mail was clearly venting from someone unskilled who just lost a job and has no one waiting at home to fuck them into feeling better. Soldier on, monogamous family-loving creative writer.

  • http://claimid.com/quotergal QuoterGal

    Being called a “Free Rider” is almost as delightful as being known as that Slut Who Likes To Fuck Her Husband.

    I’m sure the thought-and-punctuationally-impaired hate-mailer who wrote this had a brain spasm between freeloader and “getting a free ride” and “free rider” was the happy result. I don’t think I’ve ever been called anything so evocative. It’s po’try, sheer poetry.

    Maybe you can even give your husband some “free rides,” (nudge, nudge) thus making everything flow in a beautiful circle.

    Oh lordy, it’s funny and sad, innit?.

  • http://www.becauseemilysaysso.blogspot.com Emily

    Not just husband-fuckers, but husband-fuckers that fuck their husbands for the purpose of procreation. Sluts!

  • Talia

    Hi, I absolutely love your site and after a friend of mine recommended it to me I have laughed my arse off everyday. I just wanted to say that you dont need to worry about the hate mail as there is enough of us out here that love you to outweigh the ones that dont!

  • http://jackandjillputupablog.com/ Jill Put Up A Blog

    Obviously attention seekers because…what??? Love you Dooce baby! You’re so fun and a brilliant writer, mommy and wifer. We say ‘wifer’ over here.

  • Anonymous


    I wonder if that person read THIS post?? And all the comments? Hehehehe……

  • http://sullyboo.com Sully

    totally hilarious! I guess one of those special breeds of slut too. Bummer.

  • http://alaskabeans.blogspot.com/ Krista

    you husband fucking slut… keep up the good work! You’re awesome, we all know it. Some people just plain suck.

  • http://www.talesofmikkimoto.com Becky

    I think I lost some brain cells after reading that ridiculous email.

    Oh gawd. Im losing cells as i type i cant punctuate anymore and i cant spel no gud eiver you stoopid huzband slut!

    p.s. I thought you looked gorgeous on the Today show.

  • McKenzies mom

    I start my morning with a cup of tea and lots of laughs from you. Thanks for all the great starts to my day. Loved the Today Show piece and you look great, if I could only have been as small as you when I was pregnant. I also am an ex-Mormon whom is also a husband-fucker and very proud of it!

  • Julie

    If people hate you so much, WHY DO THEY READ YOUR BLOG????? Really people. There is enough ugliness in the world. Why add to it by being so mean?

  • Terri

    You just can’t make this shit up! It’s too damn good.

    When I did stand-up comedy I would have paid big bucks for material this good.

    Friday, March 13th, All Married Sluts Day

  • Marianna

    It’s kind of sad that the best anti-woman insults this person could come up with were essentially “you like sex! and…you like sex!”

  • HMFT

    Ooh! Ooh! *waving hand frantically*

    I wanna be the one to put the rock back over the hole this person crawled out of! Please? PUHLEEEEEEZE.

    And damn. I thought my slut days were over once I moved away from New Orleans and kept my pants on. Husband-fuckers are sluts, too? Will the sluttiness ever end?


    Off to remove pants…

  • http://www.doobleh-vay.blogspot.com Amy Turn Sharp

    You made me pee some in my pants. This was so funny. I can honestly say you pulled me from the edge today. Thank you!

  • Amber

    Dear Free Riding Husband Fucking Slut,

    LOVE your blog, LOVE your photograpy. HOWEVER, your free riding does bother me. The blogging, photography, book writing, press tours all while raising a daughter and a husband AND being preggers…slacker work. You might think about stepping it up a little.

    Another Husband Fucking Slut

    P.S. Come to Atlanta!!

  • http://www.vampyvarnish.com KK

    There is just no way to take that idiot seriously with that kind of bad grammar. Don’t feel bad, they obviously don’t have more than a 1st grade education and clearly have no clue what a slut is!

    You rock, plain and simple.

  • http://www.amomontheverge.blogspot.com Boom

    Please don’t call it ‘f-ing’ your husband. We married folk call it the third Wednesday of the month.

    I loved seeing you on the Today show. Your voice really surprised me! I guess it didn’t match the James Earl Jones voiceover I have running in my head while I read.

    You’re endlessly talented. Don’t ever let the jealous haters stop you.

  • http://www.postmodernsass.com Postmodern Sass

    Heather, you are like the Jon Stewart of bloggers, brilliantly mocking the morons who haven’t the intelligence (or vocabulary) to criticize you intelligently, or the clever wit to mock you. So you mock their mocking of you, and revel in the knowledge that they won’t even get it. It’s so very postmodern, my head positively spins in admiration.

  • Anonymous

    Oh my goodness! Thanks for sharing that with us. Reading Dooce always makes my day.